Be First Class

“When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better.” Solange Knowles.

On a recent flight to Majorca, I was reminded of a metaphor that I learned when I first went on a plane. Have you noticed that when they make the safety announcement the crew always give a specific instruction?

The plane’s crew tell you that in the event of an emergency (when the oxygen mask appears) to apply your mask first. They say that you must do this before you attempt to help others with their mask. The reason for this is that if you don’t have oxygen/energy you won’t be in a position to help others!

It’s imperative, to avoid burn out that we balance the amount of time that we care for others with the time we allocate to meet our own needs. Being well rested and looking after our health means that we will have the requisite energy to help those around us and keep delivering first class results. Sometimes we simply have to put ourselves first so that we can be the best we can be and have the energy to help others.

However, many of us were brought up to believe that focusing on our needs was somehow selfish. A desire to please people can also mean that we prioritise other people’s demands and needs before our own. Therefore, it can lead to feelings of guilt when we put ourselves first. Many people also confess to feeling weak if they show some vulnerability and admit that they need some help.

I tell people that we can all learn about the importance of self-care from the Mother Theresa quote “If you want to keep a lamp burning you have to keep putting oil in it.”

Self-care is not a fluffy; it’s about taking responsibility for our physical, psychological, emotional and social needs.

If you’re regularly tired because you have irregular sleep patterns, skip meals or fail to get exercise, then start making self-care a priority. Many people put others needs in front of their own, as they feel it self-indulgent to put themself first. In order to maintain good health, it’s vital that you put some time aside and adopt some habits to take care of yourself. 

The phrase ‘self-care’ has gained in popularity over recent years and reminds us of the importance of taking care of our needs, so we can be the best we can be. It prompts us to take care of our physical needs (getting enough sleep, right diet, regular exercise etc.); emotional needs (asking for help when needed); mental needs (stimulating job, interests, personal development etc.); spiritual needs (time for prayer, meditation etc.).

Having good self-care also helps us to maintain good health and this should be a good incentive to look after ourselves. In life having good health is the real wealth.

Here are a few self-care tips: –

• Keep hydrated. Drink plenty of water – the recommended daily intake is 1.5-2 litres a day.
• Good regular sleep. Aim for good quality sleep of 8 hours a night.
• Strengthen boundaries. Decide what your limits are and communicate these to others. Get clarity on what you will and won’t tolerate. Get comfortable saying no to demands on your time.
• Eat 5 pieces of fruit or vegetables every day.
• It is recommended that you undertake 30 minutes of physical exercise every day. This doesn’t have to be a visit to a gym, walking is good for you.
• Put some time aside to watch some funny movies or comedy shows and have a good laugh. Humour helps you feel good, more relaxed and energised.
• Avoid negative people and environments that drag you down. Ensure that you spend time with people who radiate energy and help you increase your energy levels and not deplete them!
• Give up being a people pleaser. Be kind to yourself and ensure that your self-talk is encouraging and positive.
• Unplug from technology on at least one day a week. Give your brain a rest and be in the moment.

 
This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider if you need to take any action to put your needs first more often. Also think about what personal steps you need to take to create more energy and balance in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“You can do anything as long as you have the passion, the drive, the focus and the support.”  Sabrina Bryan.

This week’s blog is a very special one for me as it’s the 650th one that I have written since the first one was written over 12 years ago on 21st January 2014. I have posted a blog to the Be First class website every Monday since then. I haven’t missed a week!

My first blog was titled “Small and incremental steps do make a difference.” (You can read it here)

By writing this blog every week, I’ve actually followed my own advice about small incremental steps being consistently applied. I am glad that I did as it has yielded some very positive results. As well as developing my writing ability and confidence, putting the blog together every week has enabled me produce enough material to write and publish two books.

The first book “Be First Class” was published in May 2016 and a follow up “Just Be” was published a few years later. Doing this helped me to fulfil a long-held ambition to publish a book. I have to be honest and say that for many years I believed this was an unobtainable goal. I was very happy to prove myself wrong!

I was asked recently about my process for writing blogs and the secret to me publishing them consistently every week for over 12 years.

Here are a few thoughts and insights on what I’ve learned along the way: –

Get out of your own way.

When you embark on a new chapter or project, I learned that you need to “get out of your own.” What I mean by this is that you need to overcome your own inner criticism and the mental obstacles that you create in your mind. I had thought about writing a blog for some time before I started but I procrastinated. I thought I wouldn’t be able write something every week. I wondered if anyone would actually be interested in reading it. Eventually, I took the plunge and proved all those negative thoughts wrong. If you take the first step, the path will reveal itself as the journey unfolds.

Have a clear purpose and intention.

Once I got out of my own way and started writing the blog, I had a very clear purpose. Firstly, I wanted to share knowledge to help others. It was my small contribution to seek to make the world a better place. I had no idea if anybody would read the blog and I wasn’t too attached to an outcome. However, I had an image in my mind that one day, someone would do a web search and as a result would come across my blog. I visualised that the blog would help them in some way. I imagined they may gain an insight that would generate a new idea, inspire change or solve a challenge that they had. It gave me the motivation to write each week.

Secondly, I wanted to develop my writing ability and confidence and generate enough material for a book.

Be committed.

In my view, you have to be 100% committed to something in order to make it happen. As soon as I started writing the blogs, I have left no room for excuses; I determined that I would produce a blog each week come rain or shine and that’s what I have done.  At the outset, I decided that if at any time in the future, I felt that I wasn’t totally committed, I would stop writing them and use my energy elsewhere.

Be self-disciplined.

The importance of self-discipline can’t be overstated. I have a specific time in my diary where I write the blog. It has become a habit, part of my routine and just something I do every week. I plan the subject of the blog beforehand but I don’t know what the content will be until I sit down to write. The subject is inspired by current world events or something that has happened in my life. I plan for holidays and absences by writing two or three blogs in a week. This means that the blog can continue to be published while I’m away.

Shut out distractions.

In order to ensure I have sufficient time for writing, I have eradicated things that eroded and drained my energy. Some practical examples of this are turning off email and social media notifications and indeed spending limited time on social media. I reduced the amount of time that I watched television or browsed the web. I unsubscribed from some mailing lists and cut down the time I spent dealing with emails.

Be prepared for unexpected outcomes.

In December 2021 I was contacted by a teacher who taught English in Ukraine. She wanted to use some of the material in one of my blogs in her lessons and sought my permission to do so. It was titled “what would you do if you were fearless?” I was glad that I said yes to her request and never envisaged when I did that Ukraine would be at war just two months later and still are over four years on. I remember reflecting at the start of the war about how the teacher’s life and that of her students had changed forever in a short space of time.

We do best what we enjoy doing.

Life is very precious and we have limited time and energy. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus some of our time on things that we enjoy and are passionate about. I enjoy writing and helping people develop and grow. This has helped to sustain my commitment to writing the blogs each week.

The importance of support.

I could not have achieved this milestone without the help of my good friend Paul Albertson. He maintains my website and posts the blog to the site every week. He is also an extremely talented actor (you may have seen him on shows like Coronation Street, Casualty, Holby City, Doctors and The Gold). He is currently in the touring production of ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’. Thanks Paul, I couldn’t have achieved it without you!

This week why not take a few moments to reflect and think if there is a goal that you would really like to achieve. You may have one that you haven’t taken action on recently. What one step could you take to ignite and energise this goal?

Remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The increased cost of living in recent years and military conflicts in various parts of the world has made life a bit uncertain and anxious for many people.

When feeling anxious, it’s important not to think too far into the future or dwell on the past. I have a coin in my study which has served as a reminder for many years about the importance of being in the moment.

It says “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why they call it the present.”

We can learn so much from this simple statement. Over the years I’ve noticed that very few people take the time to just be and fully engage with the present moment.

So many people live their life walking backwards into the future. They frequently look at the rear-view mirror and replay memories and images of the past. When they aren’t engaged in this habit, they turn their attention to the future and start imagining how life could be. Very little time is spent appreciating the gift of the present moment.

Sometimes it’s good to calm your mind, detach from the past, stop yourself predicting the future and fully appreciate now.

When we engage in the switching between the past and the future, it can act as a distraction and affect our concentration levels. Frequent interruptions, over committing our time, e mail and social media notifications can all impact our ability to concentrate. They all make it challenging for us to have a sharp focus and can mean that we aren’t fully present with the task or person right in front of us.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of replaying situations from the past. We can all wish that we had spoken up when we had concerns about something or wished that things had worked out differently. All too easily, we can criticise ourselves for mistakes we’ve made and feel anxious about disappointments and setbacks. All these things make it difficult to be present and in the moment.

The harsh reality is that things are as they are and can’t be changed. It’s not possible to rewrite history. We can learn to draw the lessons from our experiences and resolve to do things differently in the future. Having done this, we can then choose to let situations go mentally.

In the event you catch yourself over thinking and seeking to predict the future, wondering what may happen, you can decide to bring your thoughts back to the present moment. You can clear and calm your mind. You can do this by focusing on your breathing by taking a deep breath in and counting to seven, then exhaling to the count of seven. Repeating this process three times can help calm your mind and return to what’s in front of you. This will enable you to get into the now.

When we engage more fully with the present moment, we increase productivity and complete tasks more easily. We listen more effectively and as a result have a better connection and relationships with others. As a result, people’s trust and belief in us grows.

Quietening your mind will help you to feel more centred, relaxed and have a greater sense of assurance. This will enable your mind to be clearer, give you more clarity and increase your focus. When we’re in this state, life appears smoother, easy and effortless. The outcome of this is that things seem to flow more naturally.

The more time we spend in our heads can lead us to feel anxious and less satisfied with life. By reducing the noise and activity in our head and focusing on the now, we can feel happier and in control.

Making the decision to be present more often takes practice as we have years of programming and conditioning to overcome. It requires a change of habits and is best achieved by small consistent actions. You can start your new approach with activities that you do and love such as running, walking, gardening, swimming, cycling etc.

You can also choose to adopt a more mindful approach to one of your regular routines such as washing up, housework, gardening, eating etc. Essentially what we do when we adopt this approach is to bring more focus to the present moment and quieten our mind. This enables us to detach from the constant planning and review process.

This week, why not take some time out to reflect and think about what actions you need to take to become more focused and engaged with the present moment more often. Consider if there’s anything you need to let go of or any daily habits that you need to change to help you to achieve this.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk