Month: June 2025 Page 1 of 2

“When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better.” Solange Knowles.

On a recent flight to Majorca, I was reminded of a metaphor that I learned when I first went on a plane. Have you noticed that when they make the safety announcement the crew always give a specific instruction?

The plane’s crew tell you that in the event of an emergency (when the oxygen mask appears) to apply your mask first. They say that you must do this before you attempt to help others with their mask. The reason for this is that if you don’t have oxygen/energy you won’t be in a position to help others!

It’s imperative, to avoid burn out that we balance the amount of time that we care for others with the time we allocate to meet our own needs. Being well rested and looking after our health means that we will have the requisite energy to help those around us and keep delivering first class results. Sometimes we simply have to put ourselves first so that we can be the best we can be and have the energy to help others.

However, many of us were brought up to believe that focusing on our needs was somehow selfish. A desire to please people can also mean that we prioritise other people’s demands and needs before our own. Therefore, it can lead to feelings of guilt when we put ourselves first. Many people also confess to feeling weak if they show some vulnerability and admit that they need some help.

I tell people that we can all learn about the importance of self-care from the Mother Theresa quote: “If you want to keep a lamp burning you have to keep putting oil in it.” Self-care is not a fluffy concept; it’s about taking responsibility for our physical, psychological, emotional and social needs.

If you’re regularly tired because you have irregular sleep patterns, skip meals or fail to get enough exercise, then start making self-care a priority. Many people prioritise others needs in front of their own, as they feel it self-indulgent to put themself first.

In order to maintain good health, it’s vital that you put some time aside and adopt some habits to take care of yourself. 

The phrase self-care has gained in popularity over recent years and reminds us of the importance of taking care of our needs, so we can be the best we can be. It prompts us to take care of our physical needs (getting enough sleep, right diet, regular exercise etc.); emotional needs (asking for help when needed); mental needs (stimulating job, interests, personal development etc.); spiritual needs (time for prayer, meditation etc.).

Having good self-care also helps us to maintain good health and this should be a good incentive to look after ourselves. In life having good health is the real wealth.

Here are a few self-care tips: –

• Keep hydrated. Drink plenty of water – the recommended daily intake is 1.5-2 litres a day.
• Good regular sleep. Aim for good quality sleep of 8 hours a night.
• Strengthen boundaries. Decide what your limits are, communicate these to others. Get clarity on what you will and won’t tolerate. Get comfortable saying no to demands on your time.
• Eat 5 pieces of fruit or vegetables every day.
• It is recommended that you undertake 30 minutes of physical exercise every day. This doesn’t have to be a visit to a gym, walking is good for you.
• Put some time aside to watch some funny movies or comedy shows and have a good laugh. Humour helps you feel good, more relaxed and energised.
• Avoid negative people and environments that drag you down. Ensure that you spend time with people who radiate energy and help you increase your energy levels and not deplete them!
• Give up being a people pleaser. Be kind to yourself and ensure that your self-talk is encouraging and positive.
• Unplug from technology on at least one day a week. Give your brain a rest and be in the moment.

 
This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider if you need to take any action to put your needs first more often. Also think about what personal steps you need to take to create more energy and balance in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Begin challenging your assumptions. Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Alan Alda.

When I did my professional coach training in 2001, asking effective questions was described as a key coaching and life skill. It was explained to us that this core skill would help us to get clarity and enable clear communication. It was pointed out that it would help us to avoid making assumptions. As the old phrase says “to assume is to make an ass of you and me!”

Therefore, I found it amusing this past week, when my wife assumed that I had taken care of a domestic task. I hadn’t because I assumed that she was completing it! It just goes to show that even experienced coaches need to be reminded of core coaching skills from time to time!

When we don’t have a full understanding of a situation, we can fill in the gaps by making up a story in our minds. This helps us to make sense of people and situations. However, this approach is fraught with danger as we can form false opinions.

Asking effective questions helps to get to the core of issues and build our understanding of circumstances. Posing questions from a position of natural curiosity with a genuine intent to understand enables us to develop a greater empathy for people. It helps to strengthen and deepen relationships.

When we ask questions, we may uncover answers that we weren’t expecting, don’t agree with or don’t want to hear! They may reveal opinions and views that are different to our own. In this case, it’s worth reminding ourselves that life is all about opinions and that what’s right for one person is not right for others. Having different perspectives and viewpoints is good in reaching better and more balanced solutions.  I believe that diversity of views and ideas is something to be encouraged.

We’re all human, none of us are perfect (as proven by the above example) or right one hundred per cent of the time. However, I’m sure you’ve met or know people who (in their world) are always right and argue that the colour black is in fact white!

If you come across people like that in the future and feel yourself getting irritated and frustrated by their attitude remind yourself of the following story. Hopefully it will help you to smile and reduce your stress levels.

I believe the story is a good reminder to guard against making assumptions and to ask questions to get clarity and to the heart of issues. It’s called The Cookie Thief written by Valerie Cox.

The Cookie Thief                                          

A woman was waiting at an airport one night.  With several long hours before her flight, she bought a book and a bag of cookies.  She then found a place where she could sit and do her reading.

She was engrossed in her book but noticed that the man beside her was grabbing some cookies ‘from the bag between.’  She tried to ignore the situation because she wanted to avoid making a scene.

The situation continued for some time.  As she read and munched her cookies, the man was continuing to eat the cookies, too.  She also continued to ignore him but she told herself, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

Then, finally, there was only one cookie left.  The man took the last cookie and broke it in half.  With a smile on his face, he offered her half and ate the other.  She took the other half and thought, “This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude.  He didn’t even show any gratitude.”

Right there and then, she wanted to say something but her flight was called.  She gathered all her belongings and headed for the gate, refusing to look back at the ‘cookie thief.’  She boarded the plane and continued reading her book.   In the middle of the flight, she reached into her back pack and ‘gasped with surprise.’  She found her bag of cookies inside it.

“If mine are here,” she said, “then the cookies we were eating were his and he tried to share them with me.”  It was too late to apologise.  She realised that she was the rude one and the thief!

This week, why not pause for a few minutes to reflect. Consider if there is a situation in your life where you are making assumptions and need to ask some questions to gain some clarity and develop your understanding.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito.” African Proverb.

I read an interview with tv presenter Helen Skelton last week. Helen is known for her work on shows such as Countryfile, On the Farm, Morning Live and Blue Peter.

During her time on tv, Helen has taken on some incredible challenges. This includes kayaking down the Amazon River for Sport Relief and earlier this year a 24-hour roller-skating challenge for Comic Relief. She said of the challenges, that there was a fine line between being brave and stupid.

When asked what her secret was to achieving goals, she said: “I take one day at a time and I don’t overthink things. My motto in life has always been, ‘How do you eat an elephant?’ You just go little by little, bit by bit. I break it down and I use that approach with everything. I might have kayaked 2010 miles down the Amazon, but in my head, I only ever kayaked 16 miles loads of times. I’ve run loads of marathons, but in my head I haven’t. I’ve only ever run five miles loads of times. When I did Strictly Come Dancing, my friends would be thinking about what their next dance was, but I never ever let my dance partner Gorka [Marquez] talk about the next week. Think about what you need to do today and tomorrow. That’ll get you one step closer to where you’d ultimately like to be.”

What Helen said about breaking down goals and tackling them with a little-by-little approach really resonated with me. It’s the way that I go about achieving my personal goals, by taking small incremental steps consistently.

A good example of this relates to my goal to write a book. I had this ambition for years but the prospect of it always seemed overwhelming and I wasn’t sure I would have the time. I procrastinated until I introduced a regular discipline into my life. In January 2014, I started writing a weekly blog, which I published to this website.  As well as developing my writing ability and confidence, putting the blog together every week enabled me produce enough material to write and publish two books!

The first ‘Be First Class’ was published in May 2016 and a follow up book ‘Just Be‘ was published a few years later. The step-by-step consistent approach helped to achieve what I thought for many years was an unobtainable goal and fulfil my long-held ambition. I have maintained this discipline and I have published a blog every week on a Monday since 2014 and this week’s is number 594!

The learnings that have taken from my approach to goal achievement is that we can learn to move towards our goals and desires one step at a time and this helps to overcome feelings of overwhelm and procrastination. Achieving goals is easier if we get pleasure from ‘the love of it’ and if we learn how to use the accumulation of time.

When you multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, you too will find you can accomplish magnificent things.

It doesn’t have to be a personal goal. It can be community related and part of an effort to improve the part of world that you live in. An example of this would be to regularly pick up litter on the streets near where you live.

Never forget that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step! The hardest part of the journey can be taking that first step.

This week why not take a few moments to reflect and think if there is a goal that you would really like to achieve. You may have one that you haven’t taken action on recently. What one step could you take to ignite and energise this goal?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk