Month: May 2019 Page 1 of 2

“Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.” Alan Loy McGinnis.

A source of great enjoyment for me is helping people to find hidden strengths and talents and to help them discover and use more of their potential. I feel privileged to have the opportunity to do work that I love and to support people to “be the best they can be.” It’s hugely satisfying for me to observe people grow, develop and flourish.

When I first start coaching clients on a one to one basis, it’s quite common for them to be quite self-critical and hard on themselves. Many of them talk about what they aren’t very good at and setbacks and disappointments they’ve experienced. Some play the comparison game, comparing their progress and results in life to others, such as old school friends, family members, colleagues, neighbours etc.

This way of being isn’t helped by the instant gratification society that we now live in. Lots of people feel a pressure to perform and compete influenced by the media they read and watch or the marketing messages they are bombarded with on a daily basis.

Some clients talk about what they don’t want and don’t always find it easy to articulate what they do want.   Some find it challenging to clearly state or acknowledge what they have accomplished and achieved in life.

Deep down people know what they desire but haven’t always given themselves permission to pause, reflect, take stock and unearth the right answers for them. Some have been conditioned to believe that to do this would be too self-indulgent. Others have never been encouraged to “be the best they can be” or had access to the right support to stretch and challenge themselves.

Over the years I’ve found that when clients do take the time to focus on their needs and desires they find the process hugely rewarding. They get significant clarity and discover hidden gifts and treasures.

Although we may share some habits, beliefs and interests with other people, we’re all unique and have the choice and chance to write our own life scripts. We all have the opportunity to reduce pressure on ourselves when we quit comparing our results in life to that of others.

Instead we can choose to review our progress against the goals and standards that we set for ourselves. I firmly believe that the right answers for our unique life experience rest inside all of us. However, to discover the right answers, occasionally we need to create some space to reflect and ask ourselves some key questions.

A great illustration of how answers can be close by and right under our nose is the following story that I came across many years ago which was told by Earl Nightingale. He was a great speaker and author and known as the “Dean of Personal Development.”

Earl Nightingale talked about a farmer who lived in Africa and became tremendously motivated about looking for diamonds. An abundance of diamonds had already been discovered on the African continent. The farmer got so excited about the idea of finding millions of pounds worth of diamonds, that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent. Years slipped by as he constantly searched for diamonds and wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and sadly drowned.

Meanwhile, the new owner of the farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and started exploring the rock on the farmer’s mantle. The farmer was astounded to be told by the visitor that that the funny looking rock was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found.

The new owner of the farm said, ‘the whole farm is covered with them’ and sure enough it was. Prior to going off in his search for diamonds, the original farmer was literally standing on ‘Acres of Diamonds’ until he sold his farm.

Earl Nightingale said that each of us is right in the middle of our own ‘Acre of Diamonds’ if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures.

This week, why not pause for a few moments and consider what brings you the greatest happiness and satisfaction in life. Do you need to spend more time pursuing these things?

Also, think about what personal accomplishments you are most proud of?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Work hard, and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not clichés but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path.” Philip Sweet.

A few weeks ago on consecutive nights the world of football provided two great examples of the importance of not giving up too soon when you are seeking to achieve something. Liverpool FC and Tottenham Hotspur both won their ties against Barcelona and Ajax respectively to qualify for the Champions League final.

Both teams battled against the odds to do so. Frankly, they defied the experts who gave them little chance. In Liverpool’s case they were 3-0 down after the first leg and therefore had to score 4 goals to beat Barcelona. Before the game many people doubted that this would be possible.

Tottenham lost their home tie by a single goal and in the return match conceded two further goals. They staged a remarkable late comeback to score three goals to win the tie on an away goals rule.

There is additional validation of the need to persevere in my book Be First Class. In one of the chapters I talked about Eddie Redmayne winning the best actor category at the annual Oscars ceremony in 2015. He won it for his portrayal of Professor Stephen Hawking in the film “The Theory of Everything.”

The film is an adaptation of the book – Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen by Jane Wilde Hawking. It deals with her relationship with her ex-husband, his diagnosis of motor neuron disease and his success in physics.

One of the big lessons that I gained by watching the film was to “never give up on your dreams and goals.” In the film Hawking said “There should be no boundaries to human endeavour. We are all different. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. “While there’s life, there is hope.”

Another insight that I gleaned was “don’t believe everything you are told.” Hawking was told he had just 2 years to live when he was diagnosed with the disease in the 1960’s when he was in his early twenties. He died last year aged 76!

The film also showed that physical disability doesn’t have to be an obstacle to achieving great things. Hawking achieved success with works of popular science in which he discussed his own theories and cosmology in general.

The story of Victor Frankl is another example of someone who showed great resilience in the face of difficulty. He was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist as well as a Holocaust survivor. His best-selling book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” details his experiences as a concentration camp inmate which led him to discover the importance of finding meaning in all forms of existence.

The book chronicles how Frankl found meaning in the midst of extreme suffering he experienced in the harsh conditions of the Nazi concentration camp. This included a detailed account of when he was made to walk through difficult terrain in icy cold weather along with other inmates.

As they tired and struggled with the conditions, the accompanying guards kept shouting at them and driving them on with the butts of their rifles. Experiences such as this made him think of his wife and hoping that she was receiving better treatment in her camp.

He said that it helped him realise the importance of love. He said that he understood for the first time in his life the truth proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. This truth was that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which Man can aspire. He said that he grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of Man is through love and in love.

He understood how someone who has nothing left in this world may still experience bliss, albeit for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.

I believe that stories such as Stephen Hawking’s and Victor Frankel’s are perfect illustrations of the strength of the human spirit and how in the face of great adversity people find the courage to persevere and endure suffering. They can serve as an inspiration to us all.

They illustrate how vital it is to retain faith and trust that things will work out. They demonstrate that you can achieve things if you keep applying yourself no matter what the circumstances and odds against you. You also have to believe that ultimately you will prevail and succeed.

Why not pause for a few moments this week and consider who you know that has shown great perseverance in the face of difficulty. What lessons and insights has their determination taught you?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” Plutarch.

It’s Mental Health Awareness week in the UK this week (May 13-19). Therefore I thought I would cover the topic of mental health in this week’s blog.

As I sat down to the write this piece, it occurred to me that many people spend time exercising to maintain good physical health. However, very few people take appropriate action to sustain good mental well-being.

There has historically been a stigma attached to discussing mental health, with many scared to open up about their challenges for fear of being judged and seen as weak. Mental health issues are growing in young people and some of this is put down to the influence of social media and the pressure people feel to fit in and to look and be perceived in a certain way by others.

My research for this blog enabled me to find some valuable information on mental well-being various websites. I found some interesting statistics.

According to the Mental Health Foundation:

• Mixed anxiety & depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain, with 7.8% of people meeting criteria for diagnosis.
• 4-10% of people in England will experience depression in their lifetime.
• Common mental health problems such as depression and anxiety are distributed according to a gradient of economic disadvantage across society. The poorer and more disadvantaged are disproportionately affected by common mental health problems and their adverse consequences.
• Mixed anxiety and depression has been estimated to cause one fifth of days lost from work in Britain.
• One adult in six has a common mental disorder

A World Health Organisation report suggested that one in four people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives

Mental health problems can affect anyone, any day of the year. This week is a great time to show support for better mental health. You can do this by chatting to friends, family or work colleagues about this important topic. You can also think about your own wellbeing too. You could even join one of the Mind charity campaigns to help make sure no one experiences a mental health problem alone.

The Mind charity do great work and exist to help create better mental health. They suggest that mental wellbeing describes your mental state, how you are feeling and how well you can cope with day-to-day life.

Our mental wellbeing is dynamic. It can change from moment to moment, day to day, month to month or year to year. It’s influenced by life events and experiences.

If we have good mental wellbeing we’re able to:

• Feel relatively confident in our self and have positive self-esteem
• Feel and express a range of emotions
• Build and maintain good relationships with others
• Feel engaged with the world around us
• Live and work productively
• Cope with the stresses of daily life
• Adapt and manage in times of change and uncertainty

The Mind website covers some ideas to stay mentally well and develop our ability to cope with the up and downs of life. These include:

Think about what is affecting your wellbeing

We’re all different. What affects someone’s mental wellbeing won’t necessarily affect others in the same way. But we all have times when we have low mental wellbeing, where we feel stressed, upset or find it difficult to cope.

Build positive relationships

Connecting with others can help us to feel a greater sense of belonging and can help to challenge feelings of loneliness.

Take time for yourself

At times you may feel guilty for spending time on yourself. But it’s essential for your wellbeing and can help you to be more resilient. This may include regular meditation or mindfulness.

Look after your mental health

If you’re living with a mental health problem, taking steps to look after your mental health can help you improve your wellbeing. Tell people what helps you. Let friends and family know how they can support you.

Look after your physical health

Looking after your body can help to keep you mentally well. Making small, gradual changes can have a positive impact on your mental wellbeing, try to start with one or two things you feel able to do.

Ask for help if you need it

Think about treatment options. If you’re finding things really difficult, you might like to talk to your doctor about any support services in your local area. You might want to try counselling to talk through the things you’re finding challenging with a trained professional.

A final thought from me. Some people take vitamins to help maintain good physical health. We can all take vitamins for the mind. We can do this by feeding our minds with uplifting and positive quotations, literature, music and films etc.

We can read inspirational books and biographies of people who have achieved amazing things against the odds or overcome adversity. Mind vitamins could also include reminding ourselves of our strengths, gifts and achievements. We can all too easily overlook these in the busyness of modern life.

This week why not take a few minutes out to reflect and think about mental well-being. What action can you take to ensure you maintain good mental health? Alternatively, consider what help you can give to someone who may be finding life challenging at present.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk