Month: June 2024 Page 1 of 2

“Focus on your potential instead of your limitations.” Alan Loy McGinnis.

A source of great enjoyment for me is helping people to find hidden strengths and talents and to help them discover and use more of their potential. I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to do work that I love and to have supported people to “be the best they can be.” It’s hugely satisfying for me to observe people grow, develop and flourish.

At the start of one-to-one coaching assignments, it’s quite common for clients to be self-critical and hard on themselves. Many of them talk about what they aren’t very good at and setbacks and disappointments they’ve experienced. Some play the comparison game, comparing their progress and results in life to others, such as old school friends, family members, colleagues, neighbours etc.

This way of being isn’t helped by the instant gratification society that we now live in. Lots of people feel a pressure to perform and compete influenced by the media they read and watch or the marketing messages they are bombarded with on a daily basis.

Some clients talk about what they don’t want and don’t always find it easy to articulate what they do want.   Some find it challenging to clearly state or acknowledge what they have accomplished and achieved in life.

Deep down people know what they desire but haven’t always given themselves permission to pause, reflect, take stock and unearth the right answers for them. Some have been conditioned to believe that to do this would be too self-indulgent.

There are people who have never been encouraged to “be the best they can be” or had access to the right support to stretch and challenge themselves. Over the years I’ve found that when clients do take the time to focus on their needs and desires, they find the process hugely rewarding. They get significant clarity and discover hidden gifts and treasures.

Although we may share some habits, beliefs and interests with other people, we’re all unique and have the choice and chance to write our own life scripts. We all have the opportunity to reduce pressure on ourselves when we quit comparing our results in life to that of others.

Instead, we can choose to review our progress against the goals and standards that we set for ourselves. I firmly believe that the right answers for our unique life experience rest inside all of us. However, to discover the right answers, occasionally we need to create some space to reflect and ask ourselves some key questions.

A great illustration of how answers can be close by and right under our nose is the following story that I came across many years ago which was told by Earl Nightingale. He was a great speaker and author and known as the “Dean of Personal Development.”

Acres of Diamonds

Earl Nightingale talked about a farmer who lived in Africa and became tremendously motivated about looking for diamonds. An abundance of diamonds had already been discovered on the African continent. The farmer got so excited about the idea of finding millions of pounds worth of diamonds, that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent. Years slipped by as he constantly searched for diamonds and wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and sadly drowned.

Meanwhile, the new owner of the farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and started exploring the rock on the farmer’s mantle. The farmer was astounded to be told by the visitor that that the funny looking rock was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found.

The new owner of the farm said, “the whole farm is covered with them” and sure enough it was. Prior to going off in his search for diamonds, the original farmer was literally standing on ‘Acres of Diamonds’ until he sold his farm.

Earl Nightingale said that each of us is right in the middle of our own ‘Acre of Diamonds’ if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures.

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect. Consider what brings you the greatest joy and satisfaction. Think about whether you are dedicating enough time to these sources of happiness or if there are changes you need to make to your routine.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” Sir Winston Churchill.

We are in the middle of a General Election campaign here in the UK. It appears to me that there is so much negativity around the various campaigns. There seems to be a significant amount of focus by the various political parties on outlining the flaws of their opponent’s plans.

There also seems to be an absence of the various parties putting forward and promoting with conviction a positive version of their own plans and vision for the future. All of this creates quite a toxic and negative environment which is widely reported on by the media. Therefore, it can be challenging to maintain a positive attitude.

As a result, I thought it to be an appropriate time to share some ideas and suggestions to maintain a positive attitude: –

1. Defer worrying. Put off worrying until you have a reason to worry. We can all spend lots of time locked in our heads imagining all sorts of scenarios that never actually happen. I was told that 70% of what we worry about never happens, 25% is trivia and 5 % is out of our control.
2. Be self – disciplined. Setting clear goals and taking daily action helps raise your esteem and confidence levels. Having daily rituals mean that you will make the best use of your time. Many people resist structure for fear that it sucks the fun out of their life, when in fact it gives them the freedom to make the most of their leisure time.
3. Appreciate all that you have in life. Take a few minutes each day to write down 3 things that you’re grateful for. It helps you focus your mind on what you have rather than what you lack. This develops an abundance mindset rather than one of scarcity. Like attracts like, this simple act will attract even more things to be grateful for into your life.
4. Hang out with positive people. Be discerning about the company that you keep. Avoid toxic people and situations. Associate with people that have belief and faith in you and encourage you to develop and grow. Socialise with people that aim high, think positivity, genuinely care about you and make you laugh. Be that person for them too.
5. Remember to laugh. Nothing increases your mood and energy levels more than a good belly laugh. The news coverage can contain lots of negative and sad stories. Regularly watch things that make you laugh. Take a break from news bulletins and newspapers from time to time. Read something funny or look at a book of humorous cartoons.
6. Keep a journal. If you do find that your mood dips or you’re having a challenging time, write down your feelings and frustrations as this will help release any hurt, confusion or negative thoughts. It externalises what you’re thinking and brings clarity, calmness and a sense of balance. It helps restore you to a state of positivity.
7. Maintain your boundaries. Say no when you need to without feeling guilty. We all have limited time and energy and it’s important we address our own needs. Saying yes, when you actually want to say no does nothing for your self-esteem and can have a negative impact on your mood.
8. Practice self-care. Make good health an absolute priority. If you have good health, you have everything and it helps you to keep good energy levels and a positive frame of mind. Your health truly is your wealth. Aerobic exercise releases endorphins and helps to reduce body tension. Get sufficient sleep and count your calories.

 
This week why not pause for a few moments to reflect. Consider what steps you can take to maintain and increase your positivity levels.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Begin challenging your assumptions. Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Alan Alda.

Over the past few months, I have been watching some of the proceedings from the Post Office Horizon IT Inquiry.

This is an independent public statutory inquiry established to investigate the implementation and failings of the Horizon IT system at the Post Office. This system, developed and maintained by Fujitsu, caused thousands of innocent sub-postmasters to be pursued for shortfalls in their accounts. The inquiry aims to gather a clear account of these issues and assess whether lessons have been learned.

From the proceedings that I’ve watched, it appears to me that assumptions were made and some key questions about the reliability of the IT system weren’t asked. This meant that the faults weren’t discovered sooner which would have avoided people being prosecuted for false accounting and theft. As a result, people were wrongly convicted, some were made bankrupt and served prison sentences.

When I did my professional coach training in 2001, asking effective questions was described as a key coaching and life skill. It enables you to get clarity and helps clear communication. It helps you to avoid making assumptions. As the old phrase says: “To assume is to make an ass of you and me!”

When we don’t have a full understanding of a situation, we can fill in the gaps by making up a story in our minds. This helps us to make sense of people and situations. However, this approach is fraught with danger as we can form false opinions.

Asking effective questions helps to get to the core of issues and build our understanding of circumstances. Posing questions from a position of natural curiosity with a genuine intent to understand enables us to develop a greater empathy for people. It helps to strengthen and deepen relationships.

When we ask questions, we may uncover answers that we weren’t expecting, don’t agree with or don’t want to hear! They may reveal opinions and views that are different to our own. In this case, it’s worth reminding ourselves that life is all about opinions and that what’s right for one person is not right for others.

Having different perspectives and viewpoints is good in reaching better and more balanced solutions.  I believe that diversity of views and ideas is something to be encouraged.

We’re all human, none of us are perfect or right one hundred per cent of the time. However, I’m sure you’ve met or know people who (in their world) are always right and argue that the colour black is in fact white!

If you come across people like that in the future and feel yourself getting irritated and frustrated by their attitude remind yourself of the following story. Hopefully it will help you to smile and reduce your stress levels.

I believe the story is a good reminder to guard against making assumptions and to ask questions to get clarity and to the heart of issues. It’s called ‘The Cookie Thief’ written by Valerie Cox.

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night. With several long hours before her flight, she bought a book and a bag of cookies. She then found a place where she could sit and do her reading.

She was engrossed in her book but noticed that the man beside her was grabbing some cookies ‘from the bag between them’. She tried to ignore the situation because she wanted to avoid making a scene.

The situation continued for some time. As she read and munched her cookies, the man was continuing to eat the cookies, too.  She also continued to ignore him but she told herself, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

Then, finally, there was only one cookie left. The man took the last cookie and broke it in half. With a smile on his face, he offered her half and ate the other. She took the other half and thought, “This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude. He didn’t even show any gratitude.”

Right there and then, she wanted to say something but her flight was called. She gathered all her belongings and headed for the gate, refusing to look back at the “cookie thief.” She boarded the plane and continued reading her book. In the middle of the flight, she reached into her back pack and gasped with surprise…She found her bag of cookies inside it.

“If mine are here,” she said, “then the cookies we were eating were his and he tried to share them with me.” It was too late to apologise. She realised that she was the rude one and the thief!

This week, why not pause for a few minutes to reflect. Consider if there is a situation in your life where you are making assumptions and need to ask some questions to gain some clarity and develop your understanding.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk