Month: September 2023 Page 1 of 2

 “When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer.

I was interested to learn recently that on October 7, it is National Forgiveness and Happiness Day in the US. It’s an occasion that celebrates forgiveness and encourages people to let bygones be bygones. This is because being unforgiving will only be harmful to you in the long run and will have no impact on the people that hurt you.

It was the poet Alexander Pope who said “To err is human; to forgive divine.” However, it isn’t always easy to forgive when people cause us pain, let us down, hurt or disappoint us. Equally we may not find it easy to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake.

The pain we feel after someone has betrayed us may temporarily get us to believe that there is no way we can ever imagine a situation where we could forgive them. Situations can haunt us for the rest of our lives unless we find forgiveness inside ourselves.

The author Wayne Dyer said this on the subject:

“You practice forgiveness for two reasons: to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those that have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.”

When we hold onto bad feelings and resentment it can lead us to have a heavy feeling and can deplete our energy levels. It can cause us to mis-trust people, keep us stuck and prevent us from taking risks. When we let go of things it can help us to feel lighter and re-energised.

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what the other person did was right, nor is it condoning someone’s bad behaviour. It doesn’t mean that you have to forget what someone did or that it was ok for them to do it.

Forgiveness is all about releasing the negativity and bad feelings that results from the hurt you experienced by letting go of the emotional baggage. We can feel a sense of comfort when we release and therefore, we do it not just for the other person but to help ourselves.

When we hold onto bad feelings, anger or resentment it hurts us and this negatively impacts our life experience. It harms us far more than it does the person who caused the pain initially.

Forgiving enables us to live in the present moment rather than reliving the energy of the past. It helps us to move on without feeling angry, bitter or resentful. As a result, we regain our personal power because when we express anger or resentment towards others, we are giving up our power to them.

It’s a bit like having a chain around your neck and held in place by the person who wronged you. When you forgive, you break the chain and the hold that person or situation has on you. This frees up the unhealthy energy.

Given the mind-body link, holding onto old emotions has a negative impact on our body and immune system. Therefore, forgiveness and releasing has really positive physical and mental health benefits too.

I mentioned earlier that sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. We may have taken a decision that didn’t work out, made a mistake or tried something new and it had a poor outcome. This can leave us feeling fearful and angry with ourselves.

All this negative energy and reliving the situation in our minds doesn’t change it or the outcome we’ve experienced.

Our good and bad experiences in life enable us to grow and evolve. Whatever happens in life helps us to learn lessons and insights. They build our wisdom.

We can use our set-backs and mistakes to beat ourselves up, make ourselves feel bad and keep us stuck in life. Alternatively, we can use them to inform and shape our future decisions. We can learn from experiences and apply our lessons practically.

We always have a choice in life. It’s within our gift to choose whether to forgive and let go. If we will allow the wrong doing, the mistake or pain to follow us into the future, it will affect our mood and relationships. It’s within our control to decide whether to be resentful, regretful or let the situation go.

Forgiveness promotes feelings of calm and inner peace and helps us to restore our trust in ourselves and others. It helps us to move on positively.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what /who you need to forgive.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

 “Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.” Napoleon Hill.

I am often asked what the most important qualities of successful people are. This is not an easy question to answer because there is not a single definition of success.  We are all unique, have different life experiences and talents and therefore have our unique personal success definition.

The skills and qualities required also depend upon what it is that people are looking to be successful at. Some may be looking to achieve a goal, secure a new contract or job, learn to drive, master a new hobby, manage change and transition, recover from an illness or bounce back from disappointment.

There are many traits and elements required to helping people to be successful at what they set out to do. It is worth remembering that it is not always a straight line to a successful outcome. Along the way we encounter opposition, have to overcome barriers and obstacles and bounce back from set-backs and unexpected events.

Some of the most successful people in history had to overcome adversity and keep faith with what they were seeking to achieve, as shown in the examples below: –

Winston Churchill

He struggled in school and failed the sixth grade. After school he faced years of political failures, as he was defeated in many elections for public office until he finally became the UK Prime Minister at the age of 62.

JK. Rowling

Before she published the series of Harry Potter novels it is reported that she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced and raising a child on her own. In 5 years, she went from depending on welfare to being one of the richest women in the world through her hard work and determination.

Walt Disney

He was fired by a newspaper editor because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging away and eventually found a recipe for success that worked.

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah faced a hard road to be one of the most iconic faces on television. It has been written that she endured a rough and often abusive childhood as well as numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for television.”

The Beatles

When they were just starting out, a recording company rejected them. They were told “we don’t like your sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”  That turned out to be a poor judgement by the record company given the rest of the world seemed to like their sound and guitars a great deal.

One quality I believe you definitely require to be successful is persistence. The dictionary defines persistence as “the quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people.”

Persistence helps turn something we visualise or imagine and turn it into a reality. Continued effort, persistence and fine tuning ensure that you are able to accomplish things. Persistence enables us to learn, develop and acquire new knowledge.

When we set out to achieve something in life, we are quite often given a series of tests and challenges along the journey to enable us to discover hidden strengths and resources. The challenges also help to determine how much we really want to achieve or master something.

Napoleon Hill did a 20-year study of successful people. In his classic book “Think and Grow Rich” first published in 1937 he included an excellent chapter on the importance of persistence when pursuing goals. He believed that persistence is a state of mind that can be cultivated. He said that like all states of mind, persistence is based upon definite causes.

Here are some of his thoughts on the subject: –

1. Definiteness of purpose. Knowing what you want is the first and most important step. A strong motive helps surmount difficulties.
2. Persistence. It is comparatively easy to acquire and to maintain persistence in pursuing the object of intense desire.
3. Self-reliance. Belief in one’s ability to carry out a plan encourages one to follow the plan through.
4. Definiteness of plans. Organised plans provide focus and encouragement.
5. Accurate knowledge. Knowing that one’s plans are sound, based upon experience or observation.
6. Co-operation. Sympathy, understanding and harmonious co-operation with others.
7. Will-power. The habit of concentrating one’s thoughts upon the building of plans for the attainment of a definite purpose.
8. Courage. The mind absorbs and becomes part of the daily experiences upon which it feeds. Fear, the worst of all enemies, can be effectively cured by forced repetition of acts of courage.

This week, why not take a few moments to consider if there is something in your life that requires a little more persistence on your part or a slight change of approach.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.”  Jamais Cascio.

I have been watching a documentary series behind the scenes of the Australian cricket team. One of the things that struck me from watching it, was how resilient sportspeople have to be to cope with changing fortunes and the highs and lows of elite sport. You can learn a lot from these programmes about coping mechanisms that can be applied to your own life.

The ability to cope with relentless change and to be flexible in our thinking are key to helping us to thrive in today’s demanding world. The capacity to quickly recover from difficulties, set-backs, challenges and disappointments is a great quality to possess.

It may be that the ability to adapt and bounce back is stronger in some people than others. However, with focus and attention you can develop your resilience just as you can build up muscles through regular exercise.  I believe that having great resilience and the capability to find extra reserves of energy when required are vital to help people to flourish and thrive.

Certain conditions in people’s lives help them to be resilient. These include having a few people to talk to without feeling judged and also receiving regular encouragement from others.

Maintaining good health and physical condition with regular exercise, sufficient sleep and a healthy diet play an important role.  Being involved in community projects, charitable causes, staying optimistic and expecting things to work out for the best also help.

Here are some ideas to develop resilience:

Goal setting

Having personal goals, even small every day ones help you to look towards the future with optimism and provide a sense of accomplishment once completed.  Goals you’ve achieved in the past are a strong reference point in the future when you’re pursuing something and the going gets tough.

Acceptance and positive expectations

Accept that you are unable to change the past and focus your energy on the present moment, your growth and development. Have positive expectations of success and create a mechanism to review your progress. Maintain a positive attitude and optimistic outlook.

Make room in your life for laughter and fun

The ability to maintain a sense of humour and to see the funny side of a situation when facing a challenge is a great coping mechanism. It helps to relieve stress and keep your spirits up.

Remember how you conquered previous challenges

When you face a fresh challenge remind yourself how you conquered a previous challenge and the learnings that you took from the experience.  It’s good to have clarity about strategies that helped you cope with previous hardship.

The importance of self-care

Take care of your needs and feelings both physically and emotionally. Engage in hobbies and pastimes that you really enjoy and contribute positively to your overall wellbeing. Get sufficient sleep each night and exercise daily.

Maintain a journal

This helps to externalise your feelings and provides a sense of clarity and perspective. It quite often allows you to view situations in a different way and conjures up new perspectives for you to consider. It can help you to create some new ideas, approaches and action plans that you can practically apply.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect. Consider what action you can take to develop your resilience.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk