Month: March 2022 Page 1 of 2

“Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.” Jessica Lange.

After two years of managing to avoid catching Covid and having had all my vaccinations, sadly I tested positive for the virus last week and have done so for 10 days now. It’s a nasty virus, which has left me feeling quite washed out and has meant that I have had to stay at home and isolate.

For someone who is used to being quite busy and always on the go, this has been a challenge. However, I haven’t had much choice and I’ve just had to accept my position. To be honest, I haven’t had the energy or motivation to do very much anyway. I’ve just concentrated on resting and drinking lots of fluids.

When there are things that are out of our control and when we face uncertainty, it can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety. This can dash our attempts to create inner calm and peacefulness, which help us to cope with challenges. Whenever I feel a little anxious about things, I remind myself of the following quotation to help calm my anxiety levels:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The past few weeks have reminded me of the great value and power of acceptance. It’s a great quality to have and is useful in a variety of situations. It’s been useful to me in the situation that I’ve experienced recently. Acceptance helps us to remain calm in the face of adversity. Developing greater acceptance brings us more inner peace.

When we are accepting of something it helps us to manage our anxiety and stress levels. It means that we accept things as they are rather than as we would like them to be. This contributes to a calmer mind. It allows us to think of possibility and opportunity rather than looking to rewrite history.

Having a greater level of acceptance lets us live in the present moment and not be hindered by the past. We start to look for solutions to challenges rather than spending time wishing things were different.

Being more accepting of other people allows us to be in a state of non-judgement and bear no malice towards them. As a result, we have greater tolerance of other people’s views and opinions. We accept people as they are rather than how we would like them to be. We start to look at their strengths and qualities rather than their flaws and weaknesses.

We can apply this principle to ourselves too and become more accepting of who we are. We can develop pride in our qualities, our accomplishments and achievements. We can expand our appreciation of the value we bring to the world and the contribution we make.

Additionally, we can accept and use our natural gifts and talents rather than spend time and energy focusing on our weaknesses and what we lack. This also allows us to stop wasting time and energy comparing ourselves to others. As an alternative approach we can become more single minded and focused on our goals and desires.

As Reinhold Niebuhr says we can accept the way things are and what we cannot change. This allows us to let go of the things that we can’t control and change. This enables us to divert our focus onto changing and influencing the things that are within our sphere of control.

Finally, we can learn to accept gifts and compliments from others and be grateful for all that we have in life.  This will help us to develop an attitude of gratitude.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider if you need to develop greater acceptance of situations and people in your life. As part of this reflection, I suggest that you get clear on what the benefits will be to you, if you develop greater acceptance in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” Napoleon Hill.

I’m a big believer in using visualisation to help achieve goals. As part of the goal setting process, I regularly picture myself having achieved the goal. In the past I’ve also created vision posters so that I have a visual representation of my dreams.

Visualisation is the act of creating compelling and vivid pictures in our mind. It activates the creative powers of our subconscious mind.  It’s a practice used by many people from all walks of life to help them accomplish their goals. Many sports people use the technique as part of their training and preparation.

There is a part of the brain known as the reticular activating system (RAS) that plays a vital part in our ability to achieve goals. Our RAS is the automatic mechanism inside our brain that brings relevant information to our attention.

I have two recent examples from my own life that demonstrate the role that the RAS plays. My wife and I were talking about a make of electric car. Ever since that conversation, I can’t stop seeing that particular model (Tesla) on nearly every single car journey that I make. Last weekend, I saw a tv advert advertising a food company that deliver prepared meals. They have been established for 30 years but I’d never heard of them. The next morning, I saw one of their vans making a delivery near to where I live!

Very helpfully, the RAS will help us spot opportunities that will move us towards our vision.  It acts as a kind of filtering system between our conscious and subconscious minds. It takes instructions from our conscious mind and passes them on to our subconscious.

It focuses our brain to notice available resources that were always present but had previously gone unnoticed. On your next journey try it for yourself by looking out for yellow cars. These cars would have been on your journey but you may not have noticed them if you hadn’t made a point of consciously looking for them.  You may be surprised by how many you spot!

Researchers have found that when you perform a task in life, our brain uses the same processes it would if you were merely visualising the task.  Our brain sees no difference between visualising something and doing it. Our RAS can’t distinguish between ‘real events’ and ‘synthetic’ reality. In other words, it tends to believe whatever messages we give it.

Visualisation actually magnetizes and attracts to us, the people, resources and opportunities that you need to achieve a goal. If you give it images of your dream house, your perfect partner, the career that you would like or the places you want to visit, it will provide ideas and solutions to help you achieve those dreams.

Reflection time

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider what resources, people, ideas or information you would like your RAS to spot to help you achieve your personal and professional vision and goals.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

During some reflection time last week, I was reminded of a valuable life lesson I gained in 2006 which had a connection to Multiple Sclerosis. Sadly, my father suffered from this awful disease for over 36 years prior to his death at the end 2020.

Following concerns over potential terrorist attacks, restrictions were introduced in August 2006 regarding hand luggage on planes. This particularly related to Trans-Atlantic journeys.

When the measures were introduced, I was in California, USA at a training event. I remember feeling a little anxious about having to fly home in an atmosphere of heightened fear particularly after what had happened in America previously with the 9/11 attacks.

In order to return home, I had to catch a flight from John Wayne International airport, Orange County to Chicago and then catch a flight to London Heathrow.

I remember arriving at the departure lounge and it was absolutely packed. There were no spare seats in the lounge near my departure gate. It was a beautiful sunny day with a clear azure sky. The lounge had a fantastic view of the runway and the planes waiting on the tarmac at the various departure gates. I perched on a ledge and phoned home to speak to my wife.

After I’d finished my conversation, a man beckoned for me to sit next to him on a seat that had become vacant. After a brief hello, we didn’t exchange any further words. We both read our respective books. I had to drink a one litre bottle of water as I learned that I wouldn’t be allowed to take liquids onto the flight because of the enhanced security measures.

When it got close to the time to boarding the flight, I realised because of all the water I had consumed I would need to have a comfort break! A long walk ensued to find some facilities. When I returned, passengers were boarding my plane and there were just a few people in front of me left to board.

Once on the plane I was astonished to find that I was sitting next to the man who had beckoned for me to sit next to him earlier!

I wondered what the chances of that happening were. We were in a row of three seats and the seat on my right side was empty for the duration of the four- and half-hour flight.

The gentleman was in his late fifties. He looked tired and his face was weathered. It appeared that he had been through a stressful period. During the flight he started a conversation by offering me a sandwich which I declined. He told me that he had been to a gynaecology conference as he was a Consultant Gynaecologist.

He said that he had moved to the USA from Iran 20 years previously. It had been difficult for him to be accepted by some people because of his nationality and he’d had a particularly difficult time since the 9/11 attacks. He was concerned that the current hysteria over plane safety would make it challenging for him again.

During the flight he told me that his life was very busy. He had been through a divorce and was no longer married. He said that a very good friend of his who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis had died recently and was only in his fifties.

I asked him what the challenges he has experienced (particularly after his friend’s recent death) had taught him. His reply was simple but very powerful. His response was:

“Every day is a gift. Make the most of every day, don’t look back in anger and have no regrets. Be kind when you can be.”

It was a very special conversation. Time seemed to stand still and my fear about the flight dissipated as I was so engaged in what we were talking about.

It’s amazing how things and people show up when you need them to. It was the right conversation, at the right moment.

The gentleman’s wisdom taught me so much and has stuck with me and helped shaped my philosophy and approach to life. Despite the hostility he had experienced because of where he was born, he was still able to be kind and show compassion and empathy towards others. That really impressed me about him.

I had very little time when we arrived in Chicago to catch my connecting flight and wasn’t sure of the layout of the airport. I also had some gifts that I’d bought in the airport. Under the special measures I wasn’t supposed to take onto the connecting flight.

He walked his talk regarding kindness. Knowing that I had limited time and also had the problem with the gifts, he walked me to the gate for international departures. He spoke to the check in staff. He persuaded them to make arrangements for me to take the gifts onto the flight!

The attendant asked for my passport, I said thank you to the gentleman. Once the check in lady had taken my boarding card, I turned around to say goodbye to the gentleman. However, he had disappeared. He had dashed off to catch his own connecting flight and I couldn’t see him anywhere.

He was a stranger who I’ve not spoken to since and probably never will. He showed great kindness and helped me when I needed it.

This chance encounter taught me so much and I’ve never forgotten the wisdom that I gained from the conversation and his kind actions.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what insights and lessons you have learned from challenges in your life. What wisdom would you pass on to someone if they asked you what tough times had taught you?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk