Month: September 2014 Page 1 of 2

I was astonished recently to read that research suggests that the average person talks to him/herself about 60000 times a day and 80% of it about themselves and is mostly negative.

That is an awful lot of chatter that goes on sub consciously. Apparently this kind of internal chatter is connected to lots of self judgement. Examples may include:-

“I am too old to learn something new, I should not have made that comment, I am sure he/she does not like me, I will never be good at golf , I will never lose weight, I do not like the way my hair looks, I am useless with computers, I can’t do this task” etc.

Our self- talk drives our behaviour, so if we tell ourselves that we can’t not do something, our behaviour will reflect this fact and belief. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and shape the results that we experience.

Imagine you are given a task to sell 60 units of something in a week.

If you tell yourself from the outset that you can’t do it, you will spend time and energy behaving in a way that proves this thought and belief to be correct. As human beings we like to be proved right, even if our belief is misguided. If you expect failure you will get a 100% success rate.

If on the other hand, you believe and confidently expect to sell 60 units in a week you are more likely to achieve the result you expect. Your self-talk will be positive, encouraging and affirming.

This will lead your behaviour to be more energised, positive and optimistic. As a result you are more likely to achieve the results that you desire.

Negative thoughts and self- talk actually have a physical impact on our body. They make us feel heavy, weighed down and can deplete our energy. Negative thoughts can make us feel frightened, anxious, cause us to break out into a sweat or become tongue tied.

If we talked to ourselves in a more encouraging way, what would this to do to our physical well-being and results?

This week why not spend some time more deliberately observing your thoughts?

Some tips on using more positive language:

1. Replace the word “can’t” with “can” i.e.” I can do this.”
2. Substitute the word “never” with “sometimes.” “ I never get these sums right” could be softened by saying “I sometimes get these sums right.”
3. “Should” is a negative and a word used in self judgment – when you find yourself saying “ I should” to yourself, change it to the word “could.” “I should be good at golf,” can be changed to “I could be good at golf.” The latter has a more encouraging feel to it.
4. Final tip – eradicate the word “ try” from your vocabulary. You will either do something or not do it. You do not try and do it. For instance do you try and move a chair or do you just move it?

This week’s quotation:

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

In last week’s blog, I wrote about goal setting.

As part of the goal setting process, it is vitally important to appreciate that whilst goals and dreams have a very valuable role to play in life, they are only as good as your personal drive and commitment to achieving them and making them a reality.

There is a quote from Yoda in Star Wars which I love “Do or do not there is no try.”

When you catch yourself using the word try in relation to goal achievement, use it as a warning that you are not totally committed or confident that you are going to act upon what you have decided to do.

You have some doubts or mental obstacles to that you need to revisit and overcome. Try gives us an excuse when we do not do what we say we are going to do, it gives us room for manoeuvre, it gives us a cop out.

Have you ever been arranged a party, meeting or function and phoned someone to ask if they would like to come along? Someone who is committed says immediately “count me in, I would love to be there.” A person who is not sure if they want to come along will say something along the lines of “I’ll try and make it.” Do they ever turn up to the function or party? You probably will have found that they do not. They weren’t committed to attend, they were just too polite to say no when you asked them.

When confirming action points at the end of coaching sessions, I frequently ask customers to rate themselves on a scale of 0-10 about how committed they are to acting on the action points they have come up with. If I do not get a 10 out of 10 response, then I ask what the customer what they need to do in order to give it a score of10.

This may involve them resolving some inner doubt that they have, rearranging their daily schedule or if they really not committing to taking action, dropping the action point altogether and coming up with something different. Commitment is a choice. The dictionary defines commitment as “the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.

William Hutchison Murray was a Scottish mountaineer and writer, one of a group of active mountain climbers before and just after World War II. He wrote that the following passage and I have personally found it useful to help inspire me to stay committed to goals and projects.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.”

I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!“

This week, why not take a moment to pause and consider – if there a goal or dream that is important to you that needs your personal total commitment to make it a reality? Alternatively, if you not fully committed, do you need to let it go and make space for something else?

This week’s quotation:

“Commitment is an act, not a word” Jean-Paul Sartrs

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

As we are coming to the end of the third quarter of the year, I have this week spent a little time reviewing my progress against the personal and professional goals that I set for myself in January.

It helps to remind me what has been accomplished, decide if some are still relevant or require adjustment. It provides me with focus and motivation for the remaining months of the year.

I am a big believer in setting goals and find it really useful. For me personally, setting goals helps

• Provide a sense of achievement and pride
• Ensure that I focus my time and more importantly my energy on what really matters
• Enable me to grow and develop
• Me to new experiences
• Provides balance to my life

Some personal development experts encourage us to have BHAGS (big hairy audacious goals); I am unable to claim that all my goals fall into that category. Some are bigger than others, they are all meaningful and some are challenging.

Some of them relate to things that it is easy to forget and put off when we caught up in the busyness of modern life – things such as places to visit, concerts and days out.

When I sit down in January, I consider various areas of life – business/career, relationships, family, home, money, fun and recreation, health and fitness, learning. I then come up with 2/3 goals for each area.

I set about breaking the goals down into specific actions that I can take over the year to make them a reality.

I have found the following to be helpful to consider when setting goals and I hope that they help you too:

1) What would specifically like to achieve and by when? For instance” to get fitter” is a goal but a better goal would be “improve my fitness by going for a 30 minute walk each day, starting on January 2 and maintain this until December 31”

2) What is your motivation for wanting this, why is it important to you? By getting clear on your motivations help you to maintain focus when the going gets tough and feel like giving up. It acts as a reminder to persevere if you are contemplating quitting.

3) What’s your current position? This helps you make an assessment on how realistic the goal is and helps quantify what needs to be done to make the dream a reality.

4) Are there any obstacles to overcome? Obstacles may be personal limitations or limiting beliefs, other people or external factors such as a lack of time, money, knowledge or skills. By clarifying what needs to be overcome, helps you to start to think about ideas and solutions.

5) What support is available to you? Do you need to ask for some help or support to achieve your goal? What personal strengths, people or resources will help you to accomplish what you set out to do? It’s also a chance to consider, if you need to be accountable to someone. If we share our goals with others, they can check in on progress and provide encouragement or challenge if required.

6) What action steps will you commit to? For bigger goals, I find it useful to break the goal down into smaller chunks and devise some small specific steps action steps with some deadlines. This helps prevent a big goal feeling overwhelming. If we feel in a state of overwhelm it can makes us procrastinate and stop us from starting

7) What will you do to celebrate and reward yourself when you achieve your goal? This provides added incentive to achieve a stretching goal and keeps you focused and motivated. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what we haven’t done or achieved and not take any time to celebrate and reward ourselves when we complete something that we set out to do.

This week, why not take a few moments to think about how you have done against the goals and intentions that you set in January? Consider if there are things that you would like to do and achieve by the end of this year.

This week’s quotation:

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C. S. Lewis

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk