Month: October 2022 Page 1 of 2

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”  George Bernard Shaw.

Over the years, I’ve coached some people who’ve conceded that when they get busy and stressed, they can become very single minded. They admit that they become inflexible in their approach in pursuing some goals. As a result, they stick rigidly to their ideas and plans.

Being too stubborn in their dealings, had a detrimental impact on their relationships with others.  It also made them lose perspective and their vision became very tunnelled. On some occasions, it meant that they stopped listening to the valuable input and ideas of others.  They became defensive and this had a negative impact on their relationships, as people kept their distance and gave them a wide berth!

Sadly, some people find it challenging to show their vulnerability and admit that they made have made a mistake. Often this can be traced back to their upbringing and conditioning. Clients have told me of instances where they have got so caught up in a goal that they have been unwilling to let go of it. They have admitted that even when they have known deep down that their plans weren’t working, they haven’t tried something new. This came down to a need to be seen to be right.

The following story illustrates what can happen when we are too rigid in our thinking. It also demonstrates how having a willingness to change direction can be beneficial:

On a dark and foggy night in the midst of a stormy sea, the captain of a ship spotted what seemed to be the light from another ship in the distance.  He quickly went to his station and flashed a message across the water, “Change your course twenty degrees north.” No sooner had he done this than a reply flashed back, “Change your course twenty degrees south.” The captain became angry and flashed back, “I am captain and a commander in the naval forces, and I say change your course twenty degrees north.” The responding message was signalled back, “I am a seaman first class with no commander, and I say change your course twenty degrees south.” This infuriated the captain who now signalled, “I am a battleship, and I say change your course twenty degrees north.” There was a brief pause as the angry captain awaited the reply. Finally, the response came, “I say change your course twenty degrees south, I am a lighthouse!”

If ever you catch yourself being too rigid in your approach, bring the metaphor of the battleship and the lighthouse to mind. Remind yourself of the consequences of being inflexible.

In my experience people that are too inflexible show signs of being discontented and unhappy. It can also lead to them feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

The people with the most flexible approach to goals, relationships and life in general, tend to be happier and more contented. They also enjoy a greater connection with others. This enables them to make the most of life and fulfil more of their potential.

This week have a think about if you need to change your plans and approach to a particular goal or project that you are pursuing. What would be the benefit of doing so and what motivates you to make a change?

You may like to seek the views and input of others. You could also think about it in terms of:

• What’s working?
• What not quite working yet?
• What needs to change.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo Da Vinci.

The clocks go back one hour in the UK on Sunday and this marks the official end of British Summer Time. With summer ending, it’s a good time to take some time to reflect, evaluate and plan. During this process, we can consider how we are doing against the various goals and desires that we set for the year.

We can determine if outstanding personal and professional goals are still relevant. If they aren’t then we can decide to let them go. Alternatively, if we feel that they’re still appropriate we can formulate a plan of action to re-energise them and achieve them by the year end.

Essentially, it’s a good time to take stock and get clear on where we are in life. Once we have done this, we can start to turn our attention to what we would like to create and experience in the New Year. This helps to start the planning process. We can plant seeds that can blossom next year.

During our reflections we can think about how we can bring greater balance to our life and what action we can take to increase our happiness. We can also consider if anything needs to change about our job/business, diet, general health and fitness, sleep or relationships?

To help you with this process, I suggest that you ask yourself: 

“What am I no longer willing to tolerate in my life?”

You may conclude that some of your habits or routines need to be changed or released.  Once you have done this you can then turn your attention to deciding what healthy habits you would like to create in your life.

You may feel that you have some mental clutter that needs to be sorted and reduced. You may feel overwhelmed or that you’re over thinking things. You might think that you’re spending too much time locked in your head.

There may be some physical clutter that you need to dispose of. Clutter is defined in the Oxford dictionary “as a crowded and untidy collection of things.” Clutter can also be described as to things that are no longer needed or used, disorganised and untidy or crammed into a small space. It’s also anything that is unfinished or incomplete.

In summary, like trees shedding their leaves in autumn, you can shed anything that you no longer need, that no longer serves you or weighs you down. You can let go of things both mentally and physically.

Letting go of mental clutter makes us feel lighter and provides some clarity. When we purge physical clutter, it creates space in our life to experience new things and adventures. Life gets simplified when we let stuff go.

When we commit to change and decide to let go of things it requires some effort, discipline, and determination. We also need to be consistent in our actions to embed new behaviours and habits.

Letting go of things isn’t always easy to do.  Beginning the process and taking the first step is often the hardest one to take. However, once we act, we create some momentum and will be able to embrace a new way of being more easily.

This particularly applies if we’re looking to change a long-held habit or behaviour. In such circumstances, it’s good to remind ourselves what the long-term benefits of the transformation will be. Having clarity on how the sacrifice will be worthwhile in the long run motivates us to act and overcome any procrastination.

This week why not take a few moments to reflect and ask yourself what you need to let go of by the year end. You can also decide what healthy habits you would like to create.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.” Confucius.

I was thinking about the obstacles to success last week and the sort of unhelpful habits and behaviours that prevent us being the best we can be. This period of reflection reminded me that sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we place on ourselves and have in our minds.

I’ve discovered from coaching thousands of people over the past 21 years that the most common and largest limitation that prevent people fulfilling their potential is fear. This is often referred to as “false expectations appearing real.”

When you focus more attention and time on your fears, they can become your reality. We create what we think about and It’s useful to remember that what we focus on grows.

It’s interesting that we give so much power to our fears, as research suggests that we are born with just two fears. These are the fear of falling down and the fear of noise. Every other fear that we have is a learned behaviour.

We all pick up fear in a variety of ways throughout our lives and replay fearful stories over and over like mind movies. Every fear-based thought that we hold is a choice. We choose to believe in the fear reported by the media, a fear expressed by others or created in our mind. We absorb fears from all our environments. That’s why it’s so important that we’re discerning about the company we keep and where we invest our time and energy.

Some of the most common fears that clients mention in their coaching sessions are: –

• Fear of change, which can keep people stuck and procrastinating.
• Fear of the unknown, which sometimes stops people stepping out of their comfort zone.
• Fear of rejection, which can prevent people asking for what they truly want.
• Fear of criticism, which can mean people don’t attempt a new approach or start something new.

A 1984 New York Times study on social anxiety asked people what they most feared. The top two fears on the list were walking into a room full of strangers and speaking in public. This probably explains why many people dread making a speech or giving a presentation. Interestingly people worried more about meeting strangers or public speaking than they did about dying. Death was third on the list.

In order to reap rewards in life and to fulfil our potential we have to take risks. Sometimes when we are contemplating change it can bring up deep rooted fears. The reason for this is that as we get older, we may have experienced pain, disappointment, heartbreak or failure.

We are all born with unlimited potential but on occasions we simply get in our own way and make life more difficult than it needs to be. This aligns with this week’s quotation by Confucius.

To help us to experience and achieve all that is possible in life it’s vital we adopt a positive mindset to overcome our fears and obstacles. We can remind ourselves of our capabilities and previous achievements to help conquer our fears. Also, any challenging situations that we’ve conquered in the past provide us with valuable insights and lessons and can give us the confidence to take action.

It’s also important that we let go of the past so that we don’t allow it to define our future. It’s always good to remind ourselves that yesterday ended last night!

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what action you would take if you were fearless and knew things would work out.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk