Month: January 2024 Page 1 of 2

 “A calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.” Dalai Lama.

At the beginning of a new year many people set goals and focus on creating new habits and behaviours. This sort of change can be a positive thing and produce really good results. However, the process of getting from A to B can be a bumpy ride. It can be challenging to remain calm when there’s lots of change happening in your life.

Negative interactions, environments and news stories can also have a detrimental effect on your equilibrium and stop you from feeling calm. It’s easy to feel pressured and stressed by having to respond to many different demands and juggle many priorities.

We have all been conditioned to think in terms of instant gratification and results. Today’s fast paced society allows us access to a lot of information and resources quickly. This can leave us feeling overwhelmed. The major advances in technology like smart phones, laptops and tablets can make us feel like we are always “switched on and connected to the external world.”

There is also a new phenomenon “FOMO” (fear of missing out) which means that many people spend lots of time connected to social media feeds in order to catch up on all the latest news and updates by their connections. We also have rolling 24/7 news bulletins which allow for major news stories to be brought to us in wall-to-wall coverage which goes into lots of detail.

There’s little time to process and assess information that we come across. The demands of life can lead us to have limited patience to let things unfold naturally. Therefore, our minds struggle to get some quality downtime and have a rest.

An instant gratification mindset can mean that we don’t fully appreciate our life experiences as we move quickly from one event and experience to the next. It can lead us to not really ground our goals and allow them to take root.

At times we can also fail to appreciate all that we have and spend time thinking about what is missing from our lives. It’s very easy to set goals and then become so focused on the destination and outcome that we fail to enjoy the journey of pursuing and achieving them.

Here are a few thoughts on things that can help you to be calm and centred: –

Reduce the amount of time spent on technology

Have a cut off time for when to stop checking your phone, emails and social media feeds. Consider a technology detox and give yourself a technology free day (or weekend) every week.

Develop greater patience

It is said that patience is a virtue. Having more patience helps to create more life balance and will stop you expecting instant results. Letting life unfold naturally develops inner calm and reduces anxiety.

Develop the “acceptance” habit

Accept things as they are and stop trying to rewrite history. This means that you can focus on being more present and consider options and solutions to resolve any challenges that you have.

Externalise thoughts

Get into the habit of doing a mind dump of things that are worrying you or causing anxiety. Regularly record your reflections, lessons, desires and insights in a journal or notebook.

Create some quiet time – no distractions

Schedule some daily time where you are alone with your thoughts. It can be just 5 or 10 minutes. This will allow you to gain valuable insights and allow your inner wisdom to rise to the surface.

Less is more

Focus on fewer things. Get rid of unwanted items and clutter. Reduce the number of goals and tasks that you’re responsible for. Let goals take root rather than giving them superficial attention.

This week, why not take a few moments to pause and reflect. Consider what steps you can take to bring greater calmness to your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.” Tracee Ellis Ross.

There is so much chaos, conflict and uncertainty in the world at present, that it’s not always easy to have a feeling of inner peace. However, it is possible to do so with conscious focus and effort.

A key element of inner peace and calm is to be more accepting of situations and people. Rather than expending lots of energy wishing things and people were different or trying to rewrite history, we have to start working with “what is.”

Acceptance is defined in the dictionary as “The action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.”

It is also defined as “The process or fact of being received as adequate, valid or suitable and agreement with or belief in an idea or explanation.”

In having greater acceptance in our life, we can start to focus our minds, time and energy on how we want things to be. With this clarity we will move things forward from where we are now. We can decide what we can do to build upon our current position and develop it into what we desire and aspire to.

There is a great quote by Socrates which we can use as a reminder of the power of acceptance and how it helps us deal effectively with change. He said:  “The secret of change is to focus your energy not on fighting the old but building the new.”

How many times have you fallen into the trap, after something hasn’t gone as planned or as you envisaged, of replaying the situation in your mind and wishing it had a different outcome? This is easy to do but a pointless exercise because no matter how many times you replay it, what happened isn’t going to change. It is what it is.

Being more accepting of others allows us to be in a state of non- judgement and to have no malice towards them.

As a result, we have greater tolerance of other people’s views and opinions. We accept people as they are rather than how we would like them to be. We start to look at their strengths and qualities rather than their flaws and weaknesses.

We can apply this principle to ourselves too and become more accepting of who we are. We can develop pride in our qualities, our accomplishments and achievements. We can expand our appreciation of the value we bring to the world and the contribution we make.

We can accept and use our natural gifts and talents rather than spend time and energy focusing on our weaknesses and what we lack. This also allows us to stop wasting time and energy comparing ourselves to others. Instead, we become more single minded and focused on our goals and desires.

When we encounter difficulty or challenges, we can choose to accept what is, take the lesson from it and move on with greater wisdom. After all, tomorrow is another day and yesterday ended last night!

We can learn much from Reinhold Niebuhr’s quotation: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This week, why not pause for a few moments and consider if there are situations or people in your life where you need to develop greater acceptance. If so, what action will you take to do so?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle.

Each year many people set some resolutions for the New Year. These may include changes that they want to make to their life, goals they want to achieve, some unhealthy behaviours that they want to change or some healthy new behaviours they want to create.

Sadly, many fail to honour and maintain the resolutions beyond the end of January. A reason for this may be that they don’t dedicate sufficient time to allow good new habits to develop and form.

When you embark on a journey of personal change or look to accomplish a personal goal, there are some characteristics and qualities required in order to ensure success and achievement.

These include effective planning, as well as a strong belief that it’s possible to accomplish your goal. A determined approach, self -discipline to manage distractions and use your time effectively and to keep taking action. Perseverance is required to help you overcome any difficulty, obstacles or opposition.

Change takes energy and therefore it’s important that you give yourself the best possible chance of success by being energised and in good shape mentally and physically.

Essentially, in order to successfully implement personal change and turn your goals into reality you need to develop and use good habits. We truly are creatures of habit as research suggests that 90% of what we do each day is habit. Every day from the time you get up to the time that you retire to bed; there are hundreds of things that you do the same. This will include the way you shower, dress, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, drive to work etc.

The positive aspect of habits is that they free up your mind while your body is on automatic pilot.  For example, you are able to plan your day whilst you are in the shower or driving to work. The negative aspect of habits is that they get locked into our sub-conscious mind and create self-defeating patterns that can inhibit our growth, limit our performance and prevent us from fulfilling our potential.

It was Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  If you want a different set of results, you have to adopt a different approach. Your established habits are producing your current level of results.

If you’d like to create improved results, better relationships or greater happiness, it’s important that you create good healthy habits that help you to maximise your opportunities and fulfil your potential.

Habits can hinder rather than help you and limit your results in life. These include overcommitting your time and spreading yourself too thin, an inability to say no to unreasonable demands, not effectively managing distractions and interruptions, procrastinating and not following through on plans.

Some healthy habits that will allow you to be the best you can be include:

• Creating a list of key priorities and plans each day
• Establishing a regular sleep pattern
• Returning calls and replying to emails within 24 hours
• Spending time with positive people
• Exercising for 30 minutes and drinking 2 litres of water each day
• Limiting the amount of time that you watch TV
• Increasing the amount that you read and learn new things
• Keeping the promises that you make to yourself and others
• Being assertive and effectively managing interruptions.

 
Changing and creating habits takes time. As a result of comments made by Dr Maxwell Maltz in his book Psycho-Cybernetics published in 1960, it’s been believed that it takes a minimum of 21 days to change a habit. However, research by University College London in 2010 stated that it may take as much as 66 days for a new habit to fully form.  They suggest that the duration of habit formation is likely to differ depending on who you are and what you are trying to do.

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect. Consider what healthy habits you need to develop this year to help you achieve your goals.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk