During a coaching session with a client last week, he mentioned certain people in his circle that are hard work. He said that they don’t add anything or enrich his life. They just seem to be high maintenance and time spent with them seems to take lots of energy.
I said to him that they sounded like drains or energy vampires rather than radiators. He said he liked that description and asked me to tell him more. I told him that it’s a theory about two types of people in life that affect your energy levels which I covered in my book Be First Class.
Drains or energy vampires are perennial moaners and negative people. You’ve probably come across these people yourself. They believe that “every silver lining has a cloud” and refer to their problems constantly. They don’t look for solutions. Often they have much to be grateful for but don’t recognise this. They choose to think about what they lack rather than the abundance they have. When you ask them how they are, they hunch their shoulders and say something like “fair to grim.” I refer to them as drains or energy vampires because they suck the life out of you with their negativity and stories of how unfair life is!
Conversely, radiators are positive people and they give off a positive vibe and when I’m around them I feel lighter, energised and happier. They have a “can do” attitude and are solutions orientated people. I call them radiators because they are full of warmth, radiance and brightness. They have a glow about them and make those around them feel good. They have zest, vitality and make the most of the hand that life has dealt them. When you ask them how they are, they look you in the eye; they smile and say something positive and uplifting. They have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what they have in life.
I suggested that my client undertake an exercise that I’ve recommended many people do periodically. The exercise involves taking a piece of A4 paper and drawing a line down the centre. On the left hand side they draw a positive sign and on the right hand side a negative sign. Then I suggest that they ask themselves the question, “What people/activities give me energy?” Their responses are noted under the positive side. Then I suggest they ask, “What people/activities drain my energy?” Responses to this question are put underneath the negative sign. Once completed, the results can be reviewed and the client can decide if they wish to make any changes to the way they spend their time and who they spend it with.
We all have limited energy and time. It’s important that we use it wisely on activities that we enjoy and on people that are deserving of our attention and help us to feel good. I have become more discerning about how I invest my energy and who I spend time with. If I’m around negative people for too long it has a real impact on my energy levels. My body starts to feel heavy, I feel tired and drained. The opposite happens when I’m in positive environments. More frequently I’m giving negative people a wide berth and avoiding negative environments. I recommend that you do the same and invest your energy wisely in the same way that you would be careful where you invested a financial windfall!
This week, why not take a few moments out to pause and reflect on the following questions:
- What people/activities energise you?
- What activities/people drain you?
- What changes do you need to make to how spend your time? What changes do you need to make to who you spend your time with?
This week’s quotation:
“To keep a lamp burning, we have to put oil in it.” Mother Theresa.
To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk