Month: August 2020 Page 1 of 2

“Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.”  – Confucius.

I was thinking about the obstacles to success last week and what sort of unhelpful habits and behaviours prevent us being the best we can be. This period of reflection reminded me that sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we place on ourselves and have in our mind.

I’ve discovered from coaching thousands of people over the past 20 years that the most common and largest limitation that prevent people fulfilling their potential is fear. This is often referred to as false expectations appearing real.

When you focus more attention and time on your fears, they can become your reality. We create what we think about. It’s useful to always remember that what we focus on grows.

It’s interesting that we give so much power to our fears, as research suggests that we are born with just two fears. These are the fear of falling down and the fear of noise. Every other fear that we have is a learned behaviour.

We all pick up fear in a variety of ways throughout our lives and replay fearful stories over and over like mind movies. Every fear-based thought that we hold is a choice. We choose to believe in the fear reported by the media, a fear expressed by others or created in our mind.

We absorb fears from all our environments. That’s why it’s so important that we are discerning about the company we keep and where we invest our time and energy.

Some of the most common fears that clients mention in their coaching sessions are: –

• Fear of change can keep people stuck and procrastinating.
• Fear of the unknown sometimes stops people stepping out of their comfort zone.
• Fear of rejection can prevent people asking for what they truly want.
• Fear of criticism can mean people don’t attempt a new approach or start something new.

A 1984 New York Times study on social anxiety asked people what they most feared. The top two fears on the list were walking into a room full of strangers and speaking in public. This probably explains why many people dread making a speech or giving a presentation. Interestingly people worried more about meeting strangers or public speaking than they did about dying. Death was third on the list.

In order to reap rewards in life and to fulfil our potential we have to take risks. Sometimes when we are contemplating change it can bring up deep rooted fears. The reason for this is that as we get older, we may have experienced pain, disappointment, heartbreak or failure.

We are all born with unlimited potential but on occasions we simply get in our own way and make life more difficult than it needs to be. This aligns with this week’s quotation by Confucius.

To help us to experience and achieve all that is possible in life, it’s vital we adopt a positive mindset to overcome our fears and obstacles. We can remind ourselves of our capabilities and previous achievements to help conquer our fears.

Also, any challenging situations that we’ve conquered in the past provide us with valuable insights and lessons and can give us the confidence to take action.

It’s also important that we let go of the past so that we don’t allow it to define our future. It’s also good to remember that yesterday ended last night!

These words by Nelson Mandela may help you if fear is stopping you from taking action and being the best, you can be. He said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

When Nelson Mandela became South African President in 1994, he used the following quotation by Marianne Williamson from her book Return to Love.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Hopefully this quotation will help you if you feel fearful in the future and serve as a reminder of the enormous potential that lies within you. It might be that it encourages you to conquer the fear and not let it win.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what action you would take if you were fearless and knew things would work out.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.”
– Henry Ford.

I believe that inspiration is all around us and this belief was validated last week.

The weather has been so nice where I live in the UK that I have been eating my breakfast outside in our garden. On one of these days, a flock of geese flew directly overhead in a v shape. I marvelled at the wonder of nature as the geese were in perfect formation.

This event reminded me of something that I read many years ago about the lessons that all teams can learn from the behaviour of geese. The lessons from the geese were originally written in 1972 by Dr Robert McNeish who had been intrigued with observing geese for years. I have reproduced his thoughts below:

1) As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an “uplift” for the bird following. By flying in a “V” formation, the whole flock adds 71% more flying range than if each bird flew alone.

Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are travelling on the thrust of one another.

2) Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the “lifting power” of the bird immediately in front.

Lesson: if we have as much sense as a goose, we will join in formations with those who are headed where we want to go.

3) When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.

Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership, respecting each other’s unique arrangement of skills, capabilities and talents.

4) The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Lesson: We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging not something less helpful!

5) When a goose gets sick or wounded, two geese drop out of the formation and follow their fellow member down to help provide protection. They stay with this member of the flock until he or she is able to fly again or dies. They then launch out on their own, with another formation or catch up with their own.

Lesson: If we have as much sense as the geese, we’ll stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

As I wrote this blog, I couldn’t help thinking about this year and the awful Coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic that continues to grip the world. Much has been written and said about the need for us to work together to help cope with the challenges and anxiety created by the virus.

If we’re to defeat the virus by creating a vaccine or some other medical intervention it will require lots of people working together and moving in the same direction. Perhaps we can draw inspiration from geese. It’s clear that they work together to help each other to get where they want to go in the most efficient way.

Nature provides us with lots of lessons and insights. However, to receive the gifts on offer, we must first open our minds and allow ourselves the time and space to observe and learn. The geese showed me that we can be inspired and learn so much if sometimes we’re prepared to slow down, be attentive and allow ourselves to smell the breakfast coffee!

This week, why not take a few moments to think about the teams and partnerships that you are involved with professionally and personally. Is there a lesson from the geese that could be applied to them to improve its effectiveness?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Keep your THOUGHTS positive because your thoughts become your WORDS

Keep your WORDS positive because your words become your BEHAVIOUR

Keep your BEHAVIOUR positive because your behaviour becomes your HABITS

Keep your HABITS positive because your habits become your VALUES

Keep your VALUES positive because they become your DESTINY.” Mathatma Gandhi.

Much is written about integrity and its importance in developing trust and healthy relationships. It’s a personal quality of fairness and doing the right thing in a reliable way. It’s important to me and something that I expect from others. My trust in people can be quickly eroded if they don’t act in the right way.

For me, being true to your word and honouring commitments made is a major part of acting with integrity. Last week, I was dismayed when an organisation I’ve dealt with for many years didn’t act in an honourable way regarding a refund I’m due.

Coincidentally, In the same week, I read an article in a newspaper about Mathatma Gandhi which reminded me of a story about him which illustrates how integrity can be easily developed.

The article stated that a pair of Gandhi’s glasses are to go on sale after spending a weekend sticking halfway out of an auction house’s letterbox. Staff at East Bristol Auctions found the glasses in a plain envelope on a Monday morning. Auctioneer Andrew Stowe said the eyewear, expected to fetch more than £15,000, was the most important find in the company’s history. He said the owner “nearly had a heart attack” when he was told their value.

The story about Gandhi dates back to 1931, when he travelled to Britain to attend the round table conference and influence the British public over the plight of India under British rule. Here was a man with no perceived power. He appeared frail, dressed in simple robes with no political office and no wealth.

He spoke for nearly two hours without notes and he mesmerized many members of parliament and the press. Since it was difficult for the press to reach Gandhi due to the crowds and security, the press approached his secretary, Mahadev Desai to ask some questions.

One of the questions they asked was how he was able to speak so powerfully for 2 hours without any notes!

He said, “You don’t understand. You don’t understand Gandhi. You see what he thinks is what he feels. What he feels is what he says and what he says is what he does. What Gandhi thinks, what he feels, what he says and what he does are all the same. He doesn’t need notes. You and I think things that sometimes may be different than what we feel. What we say depends on who’s listening. What we do depends on who’s watching. It isn’t so with him. He needs no notes.”

Keeping promises made to others is important but so is honouring the promises made to ourselves as these can often be overlooked. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of meeting other people’s needs and putting our own needs on the back burner. Placing insufficient value on our needs in this way can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and erode inner peace. It’s a reason why some people have inner conflict and don’t achieve the goals they set.

Occasionally, it’s useful to remind ourselves that we have a choice before we make commitments and that there’s only limited time available each day. Prior to making a commitment get into the habit of ensuring it’s a good use of your time and something that you really want to do.

Also convince yourself you aren’t just agreeing to do something to avoid conflict. This habit can be overcome by learning to say no more often, giving a greater priority to your own needs and being more assertive.

Many people apply a “no exceptions rule” to their personal commitments. Once they have decided what they’re going to do, it’s a done deal and non-negotiable. They no longer have an inner debate.

Instead they focus on taking the actions determined by their commitment. It makes life simpler and frees up lots of energy that would be used up debating the topic internally.

The “no exceptions rule” is all about being true to yourself and aligning your thoughts, feelings and actions in the way that Gandhi showed us all those years ago.

Reflection time:

This week why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider if there’s any action you need to take to honour commitments you have made to yourself previously. Also ponder if there are any existing commitments you have with others that need some form of renegotiation or amendment.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk