Month: January 2018 Page 1 of 2

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha.

Recently a client was talking to me about a decluttering exercise they were going through and how they were finding it difficult to let go of some of their possessions. I find this situation to be quite common.

We tend to cling to clutter because we think we may need something in the future. Alternatively, we may feel guilty about disposing of something that was given to as a present by someone else. It could be that we think that by getting rid of something we will lose the connection to it.

There are two simple questions to ask when considering whether to get rid of something. These are:

• Do I love it?
• Do I use it?

If the answer is no to both then it has to go.

It’s not just physical clutter that we struggle to let go of. Sometimes we hold onto feelings and find it challenging to let go of disappointment, mistakes and set- backs. We may have been treated badly by someone and find it a struggle to shake off feelings of hurt, anger and frustration. By holding onto the feelings and emotions we may find it difficult to forgive ourselves and others.

There is a great story about two monks which illustrates how we can hold onto things longer than we need to.

One day, two monks set out for a temple in a valley beyond the woods. While cutting a pathway through the woods, they came across a choppy stream they needed to cross. There, stood by the bank of the stream, was a beautiful young maiden dressed in silk. She was clearly at a loss as to how to cross without getting muddy and wet.

So, without thinking twice, the elder monk gestured to pick her up. Shocked, she obliged. He put her over his shoulder and waded across to the other side. The younger monk, dismayed and uneasy at what he had witnessed, followed in tow.

Upon reaching the other side of the bank, the elder monk put the maiden down gently. The maiden paid her respects and walked on. The monks then continued on their way to the temple.

As they navigated through the forest, the younger monk, still troubled by what he’d seen, asked, “How could you do that? We aren’t even supposed to make eye contact with women, let alone pick them up and carry them!”

Without a thought, the elder monk turned to the younger monk and said, “Oh, are you still carrying her? I put her down hours ago when I reached the other side of the stream.”

And with that, the elder monk turned and continued leading the way through the forest, leaving the younger monk to contemplate his words for the remainder of the journey.

This simple story is a great reminder about living in the present moment.

How often do we carry around past hurts, holding onto resentments when the only person we are really hurting is ourselves?

We all experience times in our life where people behave in an unreasonable way towards us. When we continue to contemplate past actions or events it can have the effect of being a distraction and negatively impact our energy levels.

We can choose to let go of things that no longer serve us at any time. We are all responsible for the choices that we make.

In the story, the older monk chose to go against his vows to help the lady. He then made a choice to let go of any self- criticism. The younger monk made a choice to hold onto judgement, blame and anger for a number of hours.

This week, why not take some time to reflect and consider if there is something that you need to let go of.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou.

Recently, I went to see a great film called “Wonder” which starred Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson. It’s based on the book with the same title. It tells the unforgettable story of August Pullman, a boy who’s desperate to blend in, but is destined to stand out. August’s face is seriously disfigured after a series of operations. The film charts his progress as he starts at preparatory school.

There are many uplifting quotes in the book and film. One of my favourite quotes was “when given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.”

It seems given the increasing conflict and disagreement reported by the media, the world could do with more people choosing to be kinder to others. Perhaps we can all learn from the Dalai Lama who, when asked about his philosophy to life said “be kind.”

Research suggests that there are many benefits to us being kind. It makes us healthier, happier and can improve our results. It gives us a greater sense of wellbeing, makes us more emotionally resilient and reduces our stress levels.

We all have many different motivations for performing acts of kindness. These can range from wanting to give something back; to helping ourselves to feel better and more purposeful. It can be as simple as wanting to feel good. A piece of research from British Columbia University suggested that people who were given $50 to spend, got more pleasure from spending it on others than spending it on themselves.

Acts of kindness can take many forms and range from planned activity such as volunteering our time to a worthy cause to more spontaneous acts. It doesn’t have to involve money. There are many simple ways we can perform acts of kindness. For example, we can give a compliment, smile at a stranger, perform some chores for an elderly person, visit someone who lives alone, buy a cup of coffee for a homeless person or donate unwanted items to charity.

We can be there for someone who is going through a challenging time or feeling a little down and actively listen to what they have to say without judgement. Alternatively we can make a loved one or stressed friend or colleague a cup of tea or coffee to cheer them up.

Each act of kindness may seem tiny but it actually brings about change. It helps to change the way we see ourselves and others. This in turn changes the way that others see us. Kind actions affect people’s lives in a positive way. They may be a source of inspiration and encourage others to perform some kind acts too. In this way it creates a positive ripple.

Kindness can also have the effect of helping us to feel more grateful for what we have in life and optimistic about the future.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what action you can take personally to encourage greater kindness in the world.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”  – Henry Ford.

So we are a few weeks into the New Year and I wonder how many people have already given up on some resolutions and goals that they set for 2018. How are you doing with your personal goals and aspirations that you set for this year?

Some people have objectives and goals professionally but don’t always have goals for their personal life. Setting personal goals ensure that our time and energy is focused on what really matters. They help us to fulfil more of our potential and help us to grow, develop and experience new things.

Achieving them helps us to feel a great sense of accomplishment. Goals don’t have to be massive. They can relate to health and fitness, hobbies, finance, personal development or leisure etc.

When it comes to goal-setting, many people have good intentions and genuinely wish to accomplish what they set out to do. Unfortunately they get overwhelmed by the busyness of life, get distracted and lose focus. As a result, they give up on their goals and dreams too soon.

If you would like to be better at devising and achieving personal goals, here are a few goal setting tips which are taken from my book, Be First Class:

Be specific about what you want to achieve

Firstly, decide what you would specifically like to achieve and by when. For example, “to lose weight” is a goal but a better goal would be “to lose one stone in weight by June 30th this year.”

Get clarity on your why

Determine what is driving and motivating you to want to achieve this goal and why it’s important to you. Getting clear on your motivations upfront helps you to maintain focus and remind you why you must persevere when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting.

Get clear on your current position

It helps to have an honest and objective assessment of your starting position. Consider any action you have already taken or remind yourself of any personal experience and knowledge you can call upon. This helps you to quantify how realistic the goal is and what needs to be done.

Clarify any obstacles you need to overcome

Obstacles may be personal limitations or limiting beliefs. They could be external factors such as a lack of time, money, knowledge or skills. By clarifying what needs to be overcome it helps you to start to think about ideas and solutions.

Determine what support and resources you need

Clarify what personal strengths, people or resources will help you to accomplish your goal. Sharing our goals with others can establish an accountability mechanism. An accountability partner can check in on progress and provide encouragement or challenge if required. Be honest with yourself and decide if you need to ask for some help or support.

Commit to action steps

Establish clear action steps which you are 100% committed to. You may find it useful to break large goals down into smaller chunks. This helps to prevent a big goal feeling overwhelming. Feeling in a state of overwhelm can lead us to procrastinate and stop us from making a start. These feelings can also lead us to quit pursuing goals prematurely.

How will you celebrate?

Determine at the outset how you will celebrate and reward yourself when you achieve your goal. This provides an added incentive to achieve a stretching goal and keeps you focused and motivated. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what we haven’t done or achieved and not take any time to celebrate and reward ourselves when we complete something that we set out to do.

This week, why not take a few moments to think about what action you can take to help you achieve your personal goals with greater ease in 2018.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk