Month: April 2024 Page 1 of 2

“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.” W.Clement Stone.

When I started my formal coaching training in May 2001, a statement that was made on the first day, provided me with a lightbulb moment. It was a huge step in raising my awareness and providing me with clarity and personal insight. It was a simple statement by the tutor who said “We’re are all born with unlimited potential.”

In that moment, I realised that I had always sub consciously held the belief that people had unlimited potential.  Everything came together, lots of things made sense and the message really resonated. I knew that I had done the right thing in undertaking formal coaching training and seeking a qualification. I realised that this belief had shaped the way I had managed and coached people in my teams during my various leadership roles.

As a result of the insight, the approach I adopted in my coaching sessions was to help people to be the best they can be. From that day, I have seen it as the main purpose of my role as a coach.

I came to realise as I did more and more coaching that whilst we all have unlimited potential, on occasions we simply get in our own way. We can make life more complicated than it really needs to be.  There’s a great quotation by Confucius, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated!”

Sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we impose on ourselves and have in our own minds.

Fear is one of our biggest limitations (or interferences as I like to call them). Many people refer to fear as “False Expectations Appearing Real!” Much of what we worry about and are frightened by never actually happens. However, this doesn’t stop us worrying!

There are many fears that stop us fulfilling our potential and goals. These include a fear of change and the unknown which keeps us some stuck in our comfort zone. Also, a fear of rejection stops us asking for what we want and a fear of criticism prevents us attempting a new approach to a task. A fear of success for some individuals means they self-sabotage their results so that they continue to mesh with the crowd.

The effect of fear on results and people’s lives formed part of the coaching discussions that I have had with a fair proportion of clients at some stage. It cropped up in sessions with people from a variety of backgrounds. These included leaders of a blue-chip company, sales directors, those new to management, individuals looking to start their own business or change jobs or mums returning to work.

When people are going through or contemplating some form of change in their life, it can cause fears to crop up. Often people don’t realise the impact that fear is having on them and how it’s holding them back until they start talking about their goals or challenges. It’s normally an unconscious behaviour.

It appears that we’re all afraid of something whether it’s spiders, flying, speaking in public or walking into a roomful of strangers. The philosopher Bertrand Russell said “Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

Fear is a very small word but can have a massive impact on someone’s life and performance. It can be a powerful and paralysing force. 

I was once told we’re born with just two fears – the fear of noise and falling down.  Every other fear we have is a learned behaviour. The good news about interferences including fear is that as they are a learned behaviour and therefore, we can unlearn them! It requires us to form some new habits and behaviours. Changing our daily habits and rituals is the starting point that allows us to get out of our own way.

Challenges and obstacles do present us with an opportunity to learn and grow. We discover new depths as we search for solutions to overcome them. We may find that we are more creative than we realised when we devise solutions that are new and innovative. This can help develop our self-confidence and self-worth. Self-belief can increase when we face and overcome obstacles. Faith in our ability when confronted with challenging situations is a great habit to develop.

Adopting a positive mindset to obstacles is another great quality to hone. As is, believing that obstacles are an opportunity to gain new knowledge and experience. Overcoming interferences provides a sense of accomplishment and is a useful future reference point when faced with similar challenges.

If there is a fear you would like to overcome, getting some external help or friend’s support is a good way to start the ball rolling. It provides an accountability mechanism and is a source of encouragement and external input that we all need sometimes.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and think about the role that fear plays in your life. Is there a fear that is holding you back and preventing you from achieving your potential? If so, what small steps will you commit to in order to conquer the grip that this fear has on you?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

 “With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The increased cost of living in recent years and military conflicts in various parts of the world has made life a bit uncertain and anxious for many people.

When feeling anxious, it’s important not to think too far in the future or dwell on the past. I have a coin in my study which has served as a reminder for many years about the importance of being in the moment. It says “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why they call it the present.”

We can learn so much from this simple statement. Over the years I’ve noticed that very few people take the time to just be and fully engage with the present moment.

So many people live their life walking backwards into the future. They frequently look at the rear-view mirror and replay memories and images of the past. When they aren’t engaged in this habit, they turn their attention to the future and start imagining how life could be. Very little time is spent appreciating the gift of the present moment.

Sometimes it’s good to calm your mind, detach from the past, stop yourself predicting the future and fully appreciate the present moment.

When we engage in the switching between the past and the future, it can act as a distraction and affect our concentration levels. Frequent interruptions, over committing our time, e mail and social media notifications can all impact our ability to concentrate. They all make it challenging for us to have a sharp focus and can mean that we aren’t fully present with the task or person right in front of us.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of replaying situations from the past. We can all wish things had worked out differently or that we had spoken up when we had concerns about something. All too easily, we can criticise ourselves for mistakes we’ve made and feel anxious about disappointments and setbacks. All these things make it difficult to be present and in the moment.

The harsh reality is that things are as they are and can’t be changed. It’s not possible to rewrite history. We can learn to draw the lessons from our experiences and resolve to do things differently in the future. Having done this, we can then choose to let situations go mentally.

In the event you catch yourself over thinking and seeking to predict the future, wondering what may happen, you can decide to bring your thoughts back to the present moment. You can clear and calm your mind. You can do this by focusing on your breathing by taking a deep breath in and counting to seven, then exhaling to the count of seven. Repeating this process three times can help calm your mind and return to what’s in front of you. This will enable you to get into the now.

When we engage more fully with the present moment, we increase productivity and complete tasks more easily. We listen more effectively and as a result have a better connection and relationships with others. As a result, people’s trust and belief in us grows.

Quietening your mind will help you to feel more centred, relaxed and have a greater sense of assurance. This will enable your mind to be clearer, give you more clarity and increase your focus. When we’re in this state, life appears smoother, easy and effortless. The outcome of this is that things seem to flow more naturally.

The more time we spend in our heads can lead us to feel anxious and less satisfied with life. By reducing the noise and activity in our head and focusing on the now, we can feel happier and in control.

Making the decision to be present more often takes practice as we have years of programming and conditioning to overcome. It requires a change of habits and is best achieved by small consistent actions. You can start your new approach with activities that you love to do such as running, walking, gardening, swimming, cycling etc.

You can also choose to adopt a more mindful approach to one of your regular routines such as washing up, vacuuming, eating etc. Essentially what we are do when we adopt this approach is bring more focus to the present moment and quieten our mind. This enables us to detach from the constant planning and review process.

This week, why not take some time out to reflect and think about what actions you need to take to become more focused and engaged with the present moment more often. Consider if there’s anything you need to let go of or any daily habits that you need to change to help you to achieve this.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” Napoleon Hill.

One of golf’s annual major tournaments has taken place in Augusta, Georgia, USA this past weekend. The Masters is the first major golf tournament of the year and was first played in 1934. It has prompted me to talk about visualisation in the blog this week and share a story involving golf.

Visualisation is the act of creating compelling and vivid pictures in our mind. It activates the creative powers of our subconscious mind.  It’s a practice used by many people from all walks of life to help them accomplish their goals. Many sports people use the technique as part of their training and preparation.

There is a part of the brain known as the reticular activating system (RAS) that plays a vital part in our ability to achieve goals. Our RAS is the automatic mechanism inside our brain that brings relevant information to our attention.

The RAS will help us spot opportunities that will move us towards our vision. It acts as a kind of filtering system between our conscious and subconscious minds. It takes instructions from our conscious mind and passes them on to our subconscious.

It focuses our brain to notice available resources that were always present but had previously gone unnoticed. On your next journey try it for yourself by looking out for yellow cars. These cars would have been on your journey but you may not have noticed them if you hadn’t made a point of consciously looking for them. You may be surprised by how many you spot!

Researchers have found that when you perform a task in life, our brain uses the same processes it would if you were merely visualising the task. Our brain sees no difference between visualising something and doing it. Our RAS can’t distinguish between ‘real events’ and ‘synthetic’ reality. In other words, it tends to believe whatever messages we give it.

Visualisation actually magnetizes and attracts to us, the people, resources and opportunities that you need to achieve a goal. If you give it images of your dream house, your perfect partner, the career that you would like or the places you want to visit, it will provide ideas and solutions to help you achieve those dreams.

My favourite visualisation story is the story about Major James Nesmeth, originally featured in the book Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.

Major Nesmeth had a dream of improving his golf game and he developed a unique method of achieving his goal. Until he devised this method, he was just your average weekend golfer, shooting in the mid-to low-nineties. Then, for seven years, he completely quit the game; he never touched a club and didn’t set foot on a golf course.

Ironically, it was during this seven-year break from the game that Major Nesmeth came up with his amazingly effective technique for improving his game – a technique we can all learn from. In fact, the first time he set foot on a golf course after his hiatus from the game, he shot an astonishing 74!

He had cut 20 strokes off his average without having swung a club in seven years and his physical condition had deteriorated. Major Nesmeth’s secret was visualisation as he spent those seven years as a prisoner of war in North Vietnam. During this time, he was imprisoned in a cage approximately four and one-half feet high and five feet long.

For the majority of time he was imprisoned, he saw no one, talked to no one and experienced no physical activity. During the first few months he did virtually nothing except hope and say prayers for his release. Then he realised he had to find some way to occupy his mind or he would lose his sanity and probably his life. That’s when he learned to visualise.

Every day, he played a full 18 holes of golf and he experienced everything to the last detail including seeing himself dressed in his golfing clothes and the smell of the trees and grass. He imagined different weather conditions covering spring, summer, autumn and winter. He also felt the grip of the club in his hand.

It took him just as long in an imaginary time to play 18 holes as it would have taken in reality. He did this seven days a week, four hours a day, eighteen holes for seven years.

He took twenty strokes off his game and shot a 74.

Reflection time

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider what resources, people, ideas or information you would like your RAS to spot to help you achieve your personal and professional vision and goals.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk