Month: July 2018 Page 1 of 2

“Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius.

Sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we place on ourselves and have in our mind.

I’ve discovered from coaching thousands of people over the past 17 years that the most common and largest limitation that prevents people fulfilling their potential is fear.

This is often referred to as: False Expectations Appearing Real.

When you focus more attention and time on your fears they can become your reality. We create what we think about and what we focus on grows.

It’s interesting that we give so much power to our fears, as research suggests that we are born with just two fears. These are the fear of falling down and the fear of noise. Every other fear that we have is a learned behaviour.

We all pick up fear in a variety of ways throughout our lives and replay fearful stories over and over like mind movies. Every fear based thought that we hold is a choice. We choose to believe in the fear reported by the media, a fear expressed by others or created in our mind. We absorb fears from all our environments.

Some of the most common fears that clients mention in their coaching sessions are:-

• Fear of change – which keeps people stuck
• Fear of the unknown – which stops people stepping out of their comfort zone
• Fear of rejection – which stops people asking for what they want
• Fear of criticism – which prevents people attempting a new approach or starting something new

A 1984 New York Times study on social anxiety asked people what they most feared. The top two fears on the list were walking into a room full of strangers and speaking in public. This probably explains why many people dread making a speech or giving a presentation. Interestingly people worried more about meeting strangers or public speaking than they did about dying. Death was third on the list.

In order to reap rewards in life and to fulfil our potential we have to take risks. Sometimes when we are contemplating change it can bring up deep rooted fears. The reason for this is that as we get older we may have experienced pain, disappointment, heartbreak or failure.

We are all born with unlimited potential but on occasions we simply get in our own way and make life more difficult than it needs to be. This aligns with this week’s quotation by Confucius.

To help us to experience and achieve all that is possible in life it’s vital we adopt a positive mindset to overcome our fears and obstacles. We can remind ourselves of our capabilities and previous achievements to help conquer our fears. Also any challenging situations that we’ve conquered in the past provide us with valuable insights and lessons and can give us the confidence to take action.

It’s also important that we let go of the past so that we don’t allow it to define our future. It’s also good to remember that yesterday ended last night!

These words by Nelson Mandela may help you if fear is stopping you from taking action and being the best you can be.

He said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

When Nelson Mandela became South African President in 1994 he used the following quotation by Marianne Williamson from her book Return to Love.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Hopefully this quotation will help you if you feel fearful in the future and serve as a reminder of the enormous potential that lies within you. It might be that it encourages you to conquer the fear and not let it win.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what you would do if you were fearless and knew things would work out.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Jean-Paul Sartre.

Commitment is a choice and we have to be fully committed to a goal or action point if we’re to achieve what we set out to do.

There is a key question that I ask clients when they are setting goals or action plans. I ask them on a scale of 0-10 (10 being high) how committed they are to the goal/action plan.

If I don’t get a 10 out of 10 response, then I ask the client what they need to do in order to give it a score of 10. This may involve them resolving some inner doubt that they have. It could be that they rearrange their daily schedule. If they aren’t really committing to taking action, I would suggest they drop the action point altogether and come up with something different.

Additionally, I also challenge their commitment when they use the word try to describe their planned action steps. On the theme of try, there’s a great quote from Yoda in Star Wars which I love. It’s simple but is full of wisdom about commitment.

He said: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

The word try always denotes a lack of full belief in something and indicates a small element of doubt. It provides us with the chance to talk ourselves out of something and gives us room for manoeuvre. It gives us a potential cop out and an excuse not to do something.

For example, have you ever been arranged a party, meeting or function and phoned someone to ask if they would like to come along? Someone who is committed says immediately, “Count me in. I would love to be there.”

A person who isn’t sure if they want to come along will say something along the lines of “I’ll try and make it.” Do they ever turn up to the function or party? You probably will have found that they don’t. They weren’t committed to attend. They were just too polite to say no when you asked them.

It’s vitally important to appreciate that whilst goals and dreams have a very valuable role to play in life, they are only as good as your personal drive and commitment to achieve them and make them a reality.

William Hutchison Murray was a Scottish mountaineer and writer, one of a group of active mountain climbers before and just after World War II.

He wrote the following passage and I’ve personally found it useful. It inspires me to stay committed to goals and projects:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, and then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way.

I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!”

If you catch yourself using the word try in life (particularly in relation to goal achievement) use it as a warning that you aren’t totally committed to something.

It could be that you’re not confident that you’re going to act upon what you’re thinking of doing. It could indicate that you have some doubts or mental obstacles that you need to overcome.

When it comes to goal setting, it’s vitally important to give yourself the best possible chance of success by committing to something fully or not at all. When you adopt this approach you will save yourself a lot of time and energy by not pondering whether to stay committed or to quit.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider if there is a goal where you need to increase your commitment. If so, decide what action you need to take. Alternatively, if you can’t fully commit decide if you need to let it go to make space for something else.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo da Vinci.

How do you define success in life?

This is a simple question but I’ve discovered over the years, that it’s one that very few people have taken the time to contemplate and answer for themselves.

In today’s society when considering how to measure success many people place much emphasis on academic achievement, size of property, material possessions, amount of wealth and income. Whilst I believe it’s great to have nice things, material goods are only part of the story.

The way we conduct ourselves, the contribution we make to society, how we share knowledge, use our skills and talents to help others are also important measurements of success.

We are all unique and therefore I believe it’s important that we develop our own personal definition of success including goals. This helps us to compare our progress in life to our standards rather than comparing our performance with other people’s achievements.

I was talking with a client recently who has all the trappings of success from their corporate career but didn’t feel particularly fulfilled. They were contemplating a big transition from corporate life to self- employment. They told me they wanted to feel more satisfaction from their role and feel as though they are making a more positive contribution to society. They have a strong sense that they need to step outside their comfort zone and test themselves before they end their working life.

As part of their evaluation process I suggested they got clear on their motivations for making such a big move and ensure that they had the necessary resilience required to cope with the uncertainty that you have sometimes when working for yourself.

I also recommended that they gave some thought to how they define happiness and get clarity on their personal success measures. One of their motivations is that they want a release from office and organisation politics. They desire more simplicity in their life, less stress and the chance to spend more quality time with their family. This is such a common story.

Here is a story about ensuring you have the time to enjoy the simple and important things in life:

A US businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican fishing village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while, senor.” The American asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish. The Mexican said that he had enough to supply his family’s immediate needs.

The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The fisherman said, “I play with my children, take a siesta with my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos.   I have a full and busy life, senor.”

The American smiled, “I have a Harvard MBA, that’s a degree in business studies. I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet. Then instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, ultimately you could open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would, of course, need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, senor, how long would all this take?”

The American replied, “Fifteen to twenty years.”

“But what then, senor?”

The American laughed, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you sell your stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”

“Millions, senor? But then what?”

“Then you would retire, move to a small coasting fishing village, where you could sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife Maria, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with the amigos.”

With just the hint of a twinkle in his eye, the fisherman said, “Senor – are these business degrees hard to get?”

This week why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider how you define and measure your personal success.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk