Month: November 2024 Page 1 of 2

 “The best gift we can have is living in the present moment and really enjoying it for what it is; and not being in our heads and getting sidetracked” Amy Smart.

Last Friday, was the third anniversary of my mum’s death. Her passing was sudden and unexpected. I spoke to her just over an hour before she died. I had no clue in that conversation that it would be the last time that I spoke to her. Therefore, I was shocked to be told by a paramedic a couple of hours after that call that my mum had died.

Experiences like these are a reminder that life is fragile. None of us know what is around the corner. Therefore, it’s important that we try not to sweat the small stuff. To avoid getting anxious, frustrated or angry about things that don’t really matter in the overall scheme of things. For instance, being irritated when we are kept waiting, when someone is late for an appointment, we miss a deadline or we encounter a traffic jam etc.

It’s vital that we treat every day as a gift, to learn to live and enjoy the present moment. Irrespective of what happened yesterday or may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is where we are – always!

I once saw a poster outside the British Library in London, which has stuck with me – it contained a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt and said: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that’s why we call it the present.”

When we suffer loss or tragic events occur, we are reminded what truly matters in life – loved ones, family, good friendships, good health and focusing on the things we are passionate about and bring joy to us and others. It is so vitally important that we have balance in our lives.

Below I have shared a story called five balls story from the book “Suzanne’s Diary to Nicholas” by James Patterson.

Five Balls

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work – Family – Health – Friends – Spirit –  and you’re keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls — family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life – But how?

1. Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
2. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem as important. Only you know what is best for you.
3. Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
4. Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
5. Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together.
7. Don’t be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
8. Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
9. Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
10. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
11. Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
12. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

This week, why not pause for a few moments and consider what you need to do to live your life more in the present moment.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust.

It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of focusing our mind on what we lack, what’s not working and what’s wrong with our life.

Falling into this habit doesn’t help our energy levels, mood or help us to maintain a positive outlook.  In today’s fast paced world with countless demands and distractions, we can all easily forget and take for granted things to be grateful for.

For instance, how at the turn of a tap we have fresh running water that we can drink and wash in, at the flick of a switch we have electricity to power the kettle to make a hot drink when we wake up and listen to the radio or simply that we have the gift of life.

I’ve found that being more deliberate about practising gratitude and acknowledging all that there is to be grateful for in life helps my energy levels, keeps me happy, positive and better equipped to deal with challenges and hassles that we all inevitably face from time to time.

When I first started deliberately practising this approach, I wrote a list of 50 things to be grateful for which I added to over the course of a month. I still refer to this list from time to time when things don’t go as planned, if I am facing an obstacle or if my energy level drops. It always lifts my mood, puts things into perspective and lifts my spirits.

After reading the list, I always remind myself that whatever issue I am facing “this too will pass.” It’s a bit like pressing a reset button on your computer.

Another practice that I have found helpful is to take the time to acknowledge positive events when they happen. I make a note of such events on post it notes which I put in a jar.  I note down acts of kindness, positive feedback, receipt of income, gifts, unexpected windfalls, great customer service and nice experiences.

At the end of each year, I take out the notes and read them all. I have found this to be an excellent way to acknowledge and appreciate all the things that I have been fortunate to experience during that year. Finally, before I go to sleep each night, I take the time to mentally acknowledge at least 3 things from the day that I can be grateful for.

Robert A. Emmons & Michael McCullough are two of the leading scholars on the topic of gratitude and they have researched and written about its power to boost happiness.

In one of their studies, they carried out research with 3 experimental groups over a 10-week period:

1. The first group was asked to write down five things they were grateful for that had happened in the last week for each of the 10 weeks of the study. This was called the gratitude condition.
2. The second group was asked to write down five daily hassles from the previous week. This was the hassles condition.
3. The third group simply listed five events that had occurred in the last week, but not told to focus on positive or negative aspects. This was the events or control condition.

Before the experiment began participants had kept daily journals to chronicle their moods, physical health and general attitudes. These were then used to provide a comparison for after the experimental intervention.

People who were in the gratitude condition felt fully 25% happier – they were more optimistic about the future and they felt better about their lives. They even did almost 1.5 hours more exercise a week than those in the hassles or events condition.

Martin Seligman is a leading expert on positive psychology and a very successful author. He has looked extensively at the effect and benefits of practising gratitude in his work. He has found that writing down what you are grateful for has the ability to shape your mood positively in lasting ways.

This week why not take some time to write a list of things that you are grateful for. Aim for 50 things and then add to it over the coming month.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” Amelia Earhart

World Kindness Day is on Wednesday. This is a global day that promotes the importance of being kind to each other, to yourself and to the world.

This day, celebrated on November 13 of each year, has the purpose to help everyone understand that compassion for others is what binds us all together. Participants attempt to make the world a better place by celebrating and promoting good deeds and pledging acts of kindness, either as individuals or as organisations.

It was first launched in 1998 by The World Kindness Movement, an organisation formed at a 1997 Tokyo conference of like-minded kindness organisations from around the world. The World Kindness Movement isn’t affiliated with any religion or political movement. The mission of the World Kindness Movement and World Kindness Day is to create a kinder world by inspiring individuals and nations towards greater kindness.

In the UK, the day is organised by Kindness UK, a not-for-profit organisation. Kindness Day UK was launched on 13th November 2010, and the event has continued to grow in popularity every year with increasing numbers of individuals, schools, charities, institutions and businesses taking part.

Anybody wishing to take part in World Kindness Day or Kindness Day UK can pledge a good deed and also find a wide range of resources including ideas for random acts of kindness both large and small on the Kindness UK website: www.kindnessuk.com

Whilst I think it’s great that there is a day dedicated to celebrating and promoting kindness, there’s also a part of me that finds it sad that there isn’t more kindness expressed in the world already and throughout the whole year. Perhaps we can all learn from the Dalai Lama who, when asked about his philosophy to life said “be kind.”

Research suggests that there are many benefits to us being kind. It makes us healthier, happier and can improve our results. It gives us a greater sense of wellbeing, makes us more emotionally resilient and reduces our stress levels.

People have many different motivations for performing acts of kindness. These can range from the desire to give something back to helping themselves to feel more purposeful. It can be as simple as wanting to feel good. A piece of research from British Columbia University suggested that people who were given $50 to spend, got more pleasure from spending it on others than spending it on themselves.

Acts of kindness can take many forms and range from planned activity such as volunteering our time to a worthy cause to more spontaneous acts. It doesn’t have to involve money. There are many simple ways we can all perform small acts of kindness.

For example, we can give a compliment, smile at a stranger, perform some chores for an elderly person, visit someone who lives alone, buy a cup of coffee for a homeless person or donate unwanted items to charity.

We could make a loved one a cup of tea or coffee and do the same for a colleague who is under pressure. We can let someone go in front of us in a queue, give an unexpected gift or some form of recognition or appreciation. We can be there for someone who is going through a challenging time and actively listen to what they are saying without judgement. This simple act of caring can help someone feel valued and better.

Each act of kindness may seem tiny but it actually brings about change and shifts the way we see ourselves and others. This in turn changes the way that others see us. Kindness can also have the effect of helping us to feel more grateful for what we have in life and optimistic about the future.

In summary, kind actions affect people’s lives in a positive way. They may inspire and encourage others to perform some kind acts too. No act of kindness, however small, is ever a waste of time and energy.

Engaging in acts of kindness not only benefits the recipients but also enriches the giver, creating a cycle of positivity that can uplift entire communities. All acts of kindness help contribute to making the world a better place.

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider what you can do to help create a kinder world.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk