Month: January 2023 Page 1 of 2

“Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.” Jessica Lange.

There is so much chaos and uncertainty in the world at present, that it’s not always easy to have a feeling of inner peace. However, it is possible to do so with conscious focus and effort.

A key element of inner peace and calm is to be more accepting of situations and people. Rather than expending lots of energy wishing things and people were different or trying to rewrite history, we have to start working with “what is.”

Acceptance is defined in the dictionary as “The action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.”  It is also defined as “The process or fact of being received as adequate, valid or suitable and agreement with or belief in an idea or explanation.”

In having greater acceptance in our life, we can start to focus our minds, time and energy on how we want things to be. With this clarity we will move things forward from where we are now. We can decide what we can do to build upon our current position and develop it into what we desire and aspire to.

There is a great quote by Socrates which we can use as a reminder of the power of acceptance and how it helps us deal effectively with change. He said “The secret of change is to focus your energy not on fighting the old but building the new.”

How many times have you fallen into the trap, after something hasn’t gone as planned or as you envisaged, of replaying the situation in your mind and wishing it had a different outcome? This is easy to do but a pointless exercise because no matter how many times you replay it, what happened isn’t going to change. It is what it is.

Being more accepting of others allows us to be in a state of non- judgement and to have no malice towards them. As a result, we have greater tolerance of other people’s views and opinions. We accept people as they are rather than how we would like them to be. We start to look at their strengths and qualities rather than their flaws and weaknesses.

We can apply this principle to ourselves too and become more accepting of who we are. We can develop pride in our qualities, our accomplishments and achievements. We can expand our appreciation of the value we bring to the world and the contribution we make.

We can accept and use our natural gifts and talents rather than spend time and energy focusing on our weaknesses and what we lack. This also allows us to stop wasting time and energy comparing ourselves to others. Instead, we become more single minded and focused on our goals and desires.

When we encounter difficulty or challenges, we can choose to accept what is, take the lesson from it and move on with greater wisdom. After all, tomorrow is another day and yesterday ended last night!

We can learn much from Reinhold Niebuhr’s quotation “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This week, why not pause for a few moments and consider if there are people or situations in your life where you need to develop greater acceptance. If so, what action will you take to do so?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” William Arthur Ward.

Modern life is so busy, that’s it’s very easy to take it for granted and not be grateful for all that we have and is available to us. For instance, we can get up in the morning and not fully appreciate the gift of a new day.

We can easily fall into the trap of focusing on what we lack and dwell on our weaknesses, mistakes and setbacks. This negative spiral can have a detrimental effect on our energy and motivation levels.

There is a great film called “A street cat named Bob” which is based on the international best-selling book by the same name. It’s a true feel-good story of how James Bowen, who was homeless, busking and a recovering drug addict, had his life transformed when he met a stray ginger cat.

When I saw the film it got me thinking about how sad it is that some people have to face such adversity in their life. It must be awful to live and sleep outside in all-weather with limited food and little or no money. It served as a great reminder to me to be grateful for all that I have in life.

We may not always value that we have a roof over our head and at a flick of a switch electricity illuminates our home. Furthermore, that at the turn of a tap we instantly have running water to fill a kettle and make ourselves a hot drink before we enjoy a lovely hot shower! I could go on, but the point is we get so used to our daily routine and all that is available to us that we can very easily take it all for granted.

When we take the time to be more consciously grateful, life takes on a new perspective. We look at things more positively and appreciate all that we have. This includes the special people in our life and the opportunities available to us. We feel blessed for our natural gifts and talents. This has a positive effect on our mood, energy and happiness levels. As a result, we tend to attract new opportunities and possibilities.

When we’re more deliberate about practising gratitude and acknowledging all that there is to be grateful for in life, it equips us to deal with the challenges and hassles that we inevitably face sometimes.

Robert A. Emmons & Michael McCullough are two of the leading scholars on the topic of gratitude and they have researched and written about its power to boost happiness. In one of their studies, they carried out research with 3 experimental groups over a 10-week period. They found that the people who were in the ‘gratitude’ condition group felt fully 25% happier. They were more optimistic about the future and they felt better about their lives. They even did almost 1.5 hours more exercise a week than those in the ‘hassles’ or ‘events’ condition groups.

Martin Seligman is a leading expert on positive psychology and a very successful author. He has looked extensively at the effect and benefits of practising gratitude in his work. He has found that writing down what we are grateful for has the ability to shape our mood positively in lasting ways.

A practice that I have found helpful is to take the time daily to write down in a notebook at least 3 things from the day that I can be grateful for.

Alternatively, you might like to establish a gratitude jar that you can maintain daily over the coming year. This allows you to acknowledge positive events and experiences when they happen. The way to do this is to make a note of such events on pieces of paper which you place in the jar. At the end of the year, you take all of these out of the jar and remind yourself of all the things to be grateful for from the past twelve months.

This week, why not take some time out to reflect and think about what you are grateful for in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“I try to be grateful for the abundance of the blessings that I have, for the journey that I’m on and to relish each day as a gift.” James McGreevey.

There is so much gloom and doom around at present and watching the news can make you feel quite miserable. I can’t control the issues being reported on but I can control my reaction to the news reports. As a result, I made a conscious decision last week to think in an abundant way to counter some of the negativity that I am exposed to on a daily basis.

An abundant mindset is when you believe that there are enough resources for us all and you have greater appreciation for all that you have. When you think about life in this way, it takes on another meaning and has a different look and feel to it. I have noticed that my shift in thinking has made me feel lighter and positive.

In life we have a choice about where we put our attention. We can focus on our weaknesses, our limitations, lack of opportunities and what’s missing in our life. We can have a lack of appreciation for our material possessions and what we’ve earned. This can be combined with not fully appreciating the people in our life and what they bring to us.

In contrast we can choose to focus our time and mind in an abundant way and appreciate all that we have including our possessions and the contributions people make to enrich our life. We can have gratitude for our natural strengths and talents, the opportunities and all the experiences that we have. In this state we will view any challenges we’ve encountered as a lesson or insight instead of a chance to see ourselves as a victim.

The mindset we choose to adopt will have an impact on our body and energy. When we think abundantly, we feel more optimistic and this helps us to feel lighter and more energised. As a result, we’re more likely to attract positive circumstances as our self-talk will be more empowering and drive positive behaviours which help to create great results.

Conversely, a scarcity mindset will have a negative impact on our mood and energy levels. Our bodies will feel heavy; our self-talk will be negative and create dis-empowering behaviours and poor results. This kind of mindset can be a self-fulfilling prophecy and create more results that reinforce a feeling of lack.

Thinking in an abundant way contributes to a feeling of security. It helps us to feel confident and have high self-worth levels. As a result, we feel secure when interacting with others. We form positive relationships, where we look to be collaborative rather than overly competitive and create “win/win” scenarios.

In contrast when we have feelings of lack, we may have difficulty sharing credit or recognising the contribution of others. The scarcity mentality is limiting and may mean that too much time and energy is wasted on conflict, negative thinking and repressing creativity. On the other hand, the abundant mentality is fearless; it’s free and immune to criticism.

In order to feel abundant, we need to get better at noticing and recognising what’s available to us in terms of opportunities, resources and choices. We aren’t wired to notice things or be particularly observant.

It doesn’t make us stupid if we fail to notice things, it just depends on what our brain has been primed to see.  If we focus on scarcity, we will find evidence to support this. If we want to notice abundance, we will find it.

In life, we get what we look for! What we choose to focus on grows.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider which mindset you adopt the majority of the time. Are you thinking in abundant way enough and do you regularly notice things to appreciate?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk