Month: January 2019 Page 1 of 2

“It doesn’t matter who you are: being human is being human. Everyone has days that are challenging.” Miranda Kerr.

As human beings we are all unique. We have different beliefs, physical features, personal traits and qualities. We also have different life experiences that allow us to grow, learn lessons and develop wisdom.

However, I’ve noticed that there is a personal trait that is quite common and shared by many people. Coaching thousands of people has shown me that most people are very hard on themselves. They are their own worst critic and pretty unforgiving of any mistakes they make or failures that they experience. This hard, uncompromising attitude has a detrimental impact on their mental well-being and mindset. It causes them to feel anxious and stressed. It also negatively impacts their energy levels, mood and sense of worth.

Sometimes we all need to cut ourselves some slack and remind ourselves that we are all human. It’s ok to feel down, to admit we don’t have the answer sometimes, that we got something wrong or have made a mistake. We all have good and bad days, we experience highs and lows. At some stage in our life we all encounter success and failure, joy and pain.

Many people are brought up to not show their emotions. They are told to keep their feelings under wrap and to keep a stiff upper lip in the face of adversity or challenge. As a result, they are afraid to show their vulnerability. They have a fear that if they were to do so, people will take advantage of their weakness or unfairly judge them. Some people find it difficult to admit they are struggling, have made a mistake or ask for help. They don’t want to appear weak or needy.

Accordingly they hide behind a mask and pretend that everything is ok. Many people find this to be lonely and exhausting but still maintain the behaviour. I believe that to be open, to express how you are really feeling is liberating. It means that you don’t have to bottle up unhelpful feelings and emotions.

It enables us to move on more quickly from challenges and opens the door for others to offer help, support or useful advice. It helps other people to have a greater understanding of what we’re experiencing and how we’re feeling.

Here are a few thoughts and insights that I have developed over the years on the subject of being human, which I hope that you find useful:

• When you give up perfectionism and instead aim for excellence life becomes easier and more enjoyable. If you look for perfection in life you will always be disappointed and empty handed.
• It’s best to not compare yourself with others. Invariably when we do this we compare our bad results with other people’s great results. This does nothing for our sense of worth.
• Our learning never stops. Each day presents opportunities to grow and develop if we are open to this possibility.
• Life is all about lessons. We are all given tests and challenges in order that we can develop our wisdom and inner strength. It’s good to remember that we will be given the same challenges until we learn the lesson!
• When we experience tough times and low points it gives us the chance to have a greater appreciation for the high points and be grateful for life’s blessings.
• The right answers for us and our life are locked inside of us all. We need to spend sufficient time to tap into and listen to our inner voice. We must then trust and act upon our own wisdom.
• Mistakes don’t have to define us as individuals unless we let them. Everyone makes mistakes and encounters setbacks and disappointments at some point in life. It’s part of life’s rich tapestry.
• In order to feel empowered and at ease, it’s important to take responsibility for our life and choices. The choices we make always have a direct influence on the quality of our life experiences and results.

This week why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what action you need to take to be more human. Do you need to develop a more encouraging and kinder inner voice?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.” W.Clement Stone.

It has been another big week in British politics. Parliament debated and then failed to reach any definite conclusions on the way forward with regard to the UK’s imminent departure from the European Union. This led to the Government facing a no confidence vote which they won. It was all very chaotic and unpredictable.

The uncertainty is creating much fear for many people who feel frightened about what happens next and where all this is leading. Some businesses are unable to plan with any certainty and as a result are cutting back on their spending and investments. Many individuals are unsure about how their daily lives will be affected and the impact it will have on future travel plans to European Union countries.

Much of what is happening is outside of our control but that doesn’t stop people feeling frightened. Sometimes we can control events and yet still feel some fear about the future.

Watching the events unfold made me reflect on the effect that other people’s actions and fear can have on our life experiences, results and fulfilment of potential if we let them!

It also made me think that many of the politicians are focusing their time and energy on problems, obstacles and differences of opinion. There is limited evidence of people being open minded and spending time looking for compromise and solutions.

We’re are all born with unlimited potential but on occasions we simply get in our own way and make life more complicated than it really needs to be. There’s a great quotation by Confucius, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated!” Sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we impose on ourselves and have in our own minds.

Fear is one of our biggest limitations (or interferences as I like to call them). Many people refer to fear as “False Expectations Appearing Real!” Much of what we worry about and are frightened by never actually happens. However, this doesn’t stop us worrying!

There are many fears that stop people fulfilling their potential and goals. These include a fear of change and the unknown which keeps us stuck in our comfort zone. Also a fear of rejection stops us asking for what we want, a fear of criticism which prevents us attempting a new approach to a task. A fear of success for some individuals means they self sabotage their results so that they continue to mesh with the crowd.

The effect of fear on results and people’s lives forms part of the coaching discussions that I have with a fair proportion of clients at some stage. It can be when I’m working with a leader of a blue chip company, a sales director, someone new to management, an individual looking to start their own business or change jobs.

When people are going through or contemplating some form of change in their life, it can cause fears to crop up. Often people don’t realise the impact that fear is having on them and how it’s holding them back until they start talking about their goals or challenges. It’s normally an unconscious behaviour.

It appears that we’re all afraid of something whether it’s spiders, flying, speaking in public or walking into a roomful of strangers. The philosopher Bertrand Russell said “Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” Fear is a very small word but can have a massive impact on someone’s life and performance. It can be a powerful and paralysing force.

I was once told we’re born with just two fears – the fear of noise and falling down. Every other fear we have is a learned behaviour.

The good news about interferences including fear is that as they are a ‘learned behaviour’ we can unlearn them! It requires us to form some new habits and behaviours. Changing our daily habits and rituals is the starting point that allows us to get out of our own way.

Challenges and obstacles do present us with an opportunity to learn and grow as we discover new depths as we search for solutions to overcome them. We may discover that we are more creative than we realised when we devise solutions that are new and innovative. This can help develop our self-confidence and self-worth. Self-belief can increase when we face and overcome our obstacles. Faith in our ability when confronted with an obstacle is a great habit to develop.

Adopting a positive mindset to interferences and obstacles is another great quality to hone. As is, believing that obstacles are an opportunity to gain new knowledge and experience. Overcoming interferences provides a sense of accomplishment and is a useful future reference point when faced with similar challenges.

If there’s a fear you would like to overcome, getting some external help or friend’s support is a good way to start the ball rolling. It provides an accountability mechanism and is a source of encouragement and external input that we all need sometimes.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and think about the role that fear plays in your life. Is there a fear that is holding you back and preventing you from being the best you can be? If so what small steps will you commit to in order to conquer the grip that this fear has on you?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” Henry Ford.

In last week’s blog, I talked about New Year’s resolutions and goals and wondered how many people would stay disciplined and determined in order to achieve them.

This week I thought I would cover the goal setting process and provide seven tips that I hope help you to successfully achieve your goals in 2019.

When we set clear personal goals we ensure that our time and energy is focused on what really matters. They enable us to fulfil more of our potential and help us to grow, develop and experience new things.

We feel a great sense of accomplishment when we achieve our goals. They don’t have to be massive and can relate to health and fitness, hobbies, finance, personal development or leisure etc.

When it comes to goal-setting, many people have good intentions and genuinely wish to accomplish what they set out to do. Unfortunately they get overwhelmed by the busyness of life, get distracted and lose focus.

Many people also fall into the trap of focusing too much time and effort on their obstacles and what is stopping them. They apply insufficient focus on creating action plans and solutions to overcome these challenges. As a result, they feel stuck and quite often give up on their goals and dreams too soon.

If you would like to be better at devising and achieving personal goals, here are seven goal setting tips which are taken from my book, Be First Class:

Be specific about what you want to achieve

Firstly, decide what you would specifically like to achieve and by when. For example, “to lose weight” is a goal but a better goal would be “to lose one stone in weight by June 30th this year.”

Get clarity on your why

Determine what is driving and motivating you to want to achieve this goal and why it’s important to you. Getting clear on this at the outset helps you to maintain focus. It reminds you why you must persevere when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting.

Get clear on your current position

It helps to have an honest and objective assessment of your starting position. Consider any action you have already taken or remind yourself of any personal experience and knowledge you can call upon. This helps you to quantify how realistic the goal is and what needs to be done.

Clarify any obstacles you need to overcome

Obstacles may be personal limitations or limiting beliefs e.g. fear, low esteem or confidence etc. They could be external factors such as a lack of time, money, knowledge or skills. By clarifying what needs to be overcome it helps you to start to think about ideas and solutions.

Determine what support and resources you need

Clarify what personal strengths, people or resources will help you. Establish an accountability mechanism by sharing your goals with others. An accountability partner can provide encouragement or challenge. Be honest with yourself and decide if you need some help or support.

Commit to action steps

Establish clear action steps which you are 100% committed to. You may find it useful to break large goals down into smaller chunks. This helps to prevent feelings of overwhelm. When we feels overwhelmed it can lead to procrastination and stop us starting. It can mean we quit on our goals prematurely.

How will you celebrate?

Determine at the outset how you will celebrate and reward yourself when you achieve your goal. This provides an added incentive to accomplish a stretching goal and keeps you focused and motivated. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking about what we haven’t done or achieved and not take the time to celebrate and reward ourselves when we complete something.

This week, why not take a few moments to think about what action you can take to help you achieve your personal goals with greater ease in 2019.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk