Month: September 2022 Page 1 of 2

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer.

I was interested to learn recently that on October 7, it is National Forgiveness and Happiness Day in the US. It’s an occasion that celebrates forgiveness and encourages people to let bygones be bygones. This is because being unforgiving will only be harmful to you in the long run and will have no impact on the people that hurt you.

It was the poet Alexander Pope who said “To err is human; to forgive divine.” However, it isn’t always easy to forgive when people cause us pain, let us down, hurt or disappoint us. Equally we may not find it easy to forgive ourselves when we make a mistake.

The pain we feel after someone has betrayed us may temporarily get us to believe that there is no way we can ever imagine a situation where we could forgive them. Situations can haunt us for the rest of our lives unless we find forgiveness inside ourselves.

The author Wayne Dyer said this on the subject:

“You practice forgiveness for two reasons: to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those that have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.”

When we hold onto bad feelings and resentment it can lead us to have a heavy feeling and can deplete our energy levels. It can cause us to mis-trust people, keep us stuck and prevent us from taking risks. When we let go of things it can help us to feel lighter and re-energised.

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what the other person did was right, nor is it condoning someone’s bad behaviour. It doesn’t mean that you have to forget what someone did or that it was ok for them to do it.

Forgiveness is all about releasing the negativity and bad feelings that results from the hurt you experienced by letting go of the emotional baggage. We can feel a sense of comfort when we release and therefore, we do it not just for the other person but to help ourselves.

When we hold onto bad feelings, anger or resentment it hurts us and this negatively impacts our life experience. It harms us far more than it does the person who caused the pain initially.

Forgiving enables us to live in the present moment rather than reliving the energy of the past. It helps us to move on without feeling angry, bitter or resentful. As a result, we regain our personal power because when we express anger or resentment towards others, we are giving up our power to them.

It’s a bit like having a chain around your neck and held in place by the person who wronged you. When you forgive, you break the chain and the hold the person or situation has on you. This frees up the unhealthy energy.

Given the mind-body link, holding onto old emotions has a negative impact on our body and immune system. Therefore, forgiveness and releasing has really positive physical and mental health benefits too.

I mentioned earlier that sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. We may have taken a decision that didn’t work out, made a mistake or tried something new and it had a poor outcome. This can leave us feeling fearful and angry with ourselves.

All this negative energy and reliving the situation in our minds doesn’t change it or the outcome we’ve experienced.

Our good and bad experiences in life enable us to grow and evolve. Whatever happens in life helps us to learn lessons and insights. They build our wisdom.

We can use our set-backs and mistakes to beat ourselves up, make ourselves feel bad and keep us stuck in life. Alternatively, we can use them to inform and shape our future decisions. We can learn from experiences and apply our lessons practically.

We always have a choice in life. It’s within our gift to choose whether to forgive and let go. If we will allow the wrong doing, the mistake or pain to follow us into the future, it will affect our mood and relationships. It’s within our control to decide whether to be resentful, regretful or let the situation go.

Forgiveness promotes feelings of calm and inner peace and helps us to restore our trust in ourselves and others. It helps us to move on positively.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what /who you need to forgive.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Virtually nothing is impossible in this world if you just put your mind to it and maintain a positive attitude.” Lou Holtz.

At the start of every year many people set some goals that they would like to achieve. Many goals fall by the wayside by this time of year as people simply get distracted by other things.

A key feature of people who achieve their goals is that have a strong belief that they will do so. They don’t allow themselves to get distracted from their goal. They have a positive and optimistic attitude and this goes a long way to helping them to be successful.

When pursuing our goals, we can learn a great deal from a simple story about frogs that I have included below.

The Frog Story

There was once a bunch of tiny frogs, who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a remarkably high tower. A big crowd gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. The race began.

No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. They shouted, “Oh, way too difficult! They will NEVER make it to the top” and “Not a chance. The tower is too high.”

The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one except for those who, in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher.

The crowd continued to yell, “It’s too difficult! No one will make it!”

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up. But one continued higher and higher. This one wouldn’t give up! And he reached the top.

Everyone wanted to know how this one frog managed such a great feat.  What was his secret?

This little frog was deaf!

This story illustrates that if you want to successfully achieve your goals it’s vital that you ignore the pessimism of others who say that you can’t achieve your goals and dreams. Listening to them can take your dreams from you. It’s so important to stay focused, positive, optimistic and not get distracted.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and think about your support network. Do you need to express gratitude and appreciation for the support and encouragement they provide? Conversely are there negative and pessimistic opinions that are less than helpful to you and that you need to ignore?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Each day is a new beginning. I know that the only way to live my life is to try to do what is right, to take the long view, to give of my best in all that the day brings, and to put my trust in God.” Queen Elizabeth II, Christmas broadcast, 2002.

This is the 450^th blog that I have written and I had prepared something to celebrate this significant milestone. However, it has been such a momentous and sad week for our nation that I have written something I believe to be more fitting.

I, along with many people in our country and indeed across the world was very sad to learn last Thursday of the death of Queen Elizabeth II at her Balmoral estate in Scotland, aged 96.  She had been our Monarch for 70 years.

Her Majesty was a constant in many of our lives. Her selfless and unstinting service to our nation and the Commonwealth will be sadly missed but never forgotten. My thoughts are with Her Majesty’s family and I send my sincere condolences. The Queen was a remarkable lady, the like I doubt we will ever see again. Our former Prime Minister Theresa May in her tribute said Her Majesty was “quite simply the most remarkable person I have ever met.”

Although I’ve been privileged to meet King Charles III on a couple of occasions, unfortunately, I never got to meet the Queen. However, she felt so familiar and like part of the family. It was a real shock to learn of her passing and I felt a huge sense of loss. We have all grown up with her as part of our lives. We have seen her face every time we have handled our currency or sent or received a letter with a postage stamp on it. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet that she is no longer with us.

As I reflected on the Queen’s life and the legacy she has left behind, the following thoughts about the impact she had and how she was First Class occurred to me:

Selfless service to others and integrity

She dedicated her life to her role and service to others. She displayed the highest integrity, as she said what she was going to do and she did it. In her speech on her Coronation Day, on June 2, 1953 she said “I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life, and with all my heart, I shall strive to be worthy of your trust.” I believe she kept her word on this pledge. She honoured the traditions of the Monarchy faultlessly and maintained her neutrality, free from politics throughout her reign.

Stoic and calm in a crisis

Like every person and family, the Queen faced her own set of challenges, pain and suffering throughout her life. However, she never blamed or complained and embodied the belief that “this too will pass.” She was stoic when her father died 6 days after she and Prince Philip left for a state visit to Africa. After learning of her father’s passing whilst in Kenya, she had to calm herself and immediately return to the UK to step into the role of Queen.

She remained calm and collected whilst riding her horse at the annual Trooping the Colour ceremony in 1981, when a teenager in the crowd fired six blank shots at her. In his tribute, Elton John said the Queen was “an inspiring presence in his life.” He went on to say “She led the country through some of our greatest and darkest moments with grace and decency and genuine warmth.” 

Knew the right thing to say at the right time

The Queen had an amazing ability to find the right words to express in any given situation. A good example of this was in 2017 and I featured it in my book “Just Be.” In that year, the UK witnessed the awful Grenfell Tower fire tragedy and suffered 4 terrorist attacks in Manchester and London.

In her birthday message that year she said “today is traditionally a day of celebration. This year, however, it is difficult to escape a very sombre national mood. In recent months, the country has witnessed a succession of terrible tragedies.” She went on to say “put to the test, the United Kingdom has been resolute in the face of adversity. United in our sadness, we are equally determined, without fear or favour, to support all those rebuilding lives so horribly affected by injury and loss.”

Great wisdom and knowledge

The Queen worked hard all her life and had a great work ethic. She was knowledgeable and well briefed and was able to draw on her considerable experience in her interactions with others. The Queen discharged her state duties right to the very end of her life. She continued to read and deal with boxes of state papers right up to her death last week. Just two days before her passing she was pictured conducting audiences with an outgoing and new Prime Minister.

Former Prime Minister Boris Johnson was one of the last people to meet with her just 48 hours before she died. He said of that meeting “I can tell you, in that audience, she was as radiant and as knowledgeable and as fascinated by politics as ever I can remember and as wise in her advice as anyone I know, if not wiser.” He described her as “Elizabeth the Great.”

Saw the best in others and didn’t take herself too seriously

Many people who have met with the Queen remarked on her warmth, her sense of humour and that she didn’t take herself too seriously.

I have a personal example of this. A few years ago, a friend of mine told me a story about when someone he knows met the Queen. It was a chance meeting at a tea shop at Norfolk Lavender near the Queen’s Sandringham Estate. The person in question walked into the shop. He noticed a lady sitting at a table enjoying a pot of tea and chatting to a younger man.  He approached her and said “forgive me for interrupting your tea but you look so much like the Queen.”

The lady in question, smiled, started laughing, winked at the younger man she was with (a personal protection officer) and said “that’s probably because I am the Queen.” The person in question felt pretty silly and wanted the ground to open up. The Queen put him at ease.

In an emotional first address to the nation, King Charles III said “Queen Elizabeth’s was a life well lived.” He renewed his “darling Mama’s” promise of lifelong service and praised her warmth, humour and ability to see the best in people.

Queen Elizabeth was much loved and revered and has left a massive void to be filled. It will take time for us all to come to terms with her passing and to adapt to life without her. She discharged her duties in a First Class manner right to the very end of her life. She will be missed for a long time to come. May she rest in peace.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what you have learned most from Queen Elizabeth’s life and how you can apply this learning to your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk