Month: June 2018 Page 1 of 2

“Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?” Voltaire.

Wisdom is a quality that grows over time. It’s shaped and developed through life’s experiences both positive and negative. It’s the quality of having valuable experience, knowledge and good judgement.

It’s built from the trials and errors and new adventures that we encounter on our life journey. We also gain wisdom from meeting new people and our interactions and relationships with others.

Wisdom differs from knowledge as it’s the ability to discern what’s true or right for us. It rests insides us and is the quiet inner voice. It offers us guidance on the best direction or course of action to take, if we choose to tune into it. Also it helps us to focus on things of real worth rather than the trivial.

We’re fortunate to be able to tap into the wisdom of older people if we wish to. It’s sad that sometimes society doesn’t fully value and respect the knowledge and experience of older people. It’s too easy for people to be unfairly labelled “past their sell by date.”

On occasions, businesses take the decision to part company with older long serving employees and bring in young blood. In doing so, they’re indicating that they prefer youth over experience. As with everything, we need a balance in society between the energy and enthusiasm of young people and the wisdom and experience of older people. When blended together effectively, working harmoniously and collaboratively, the combination of young and old in a team is very powerful.

Here is some great wisdom from old people that I discovered when researching this piece:

• Stuff is just stuff. Don’t hold onto material objects; hold onto time and experiences instead.
• If you’re getting overwhelmed by life, just return to the immediate present moment and savour all that is beautiful and comforting. Take a deep breath and relax.
• Don’t take life too seriously. Even if things seem dark and hopeless, try to laugh at how ridiculous life is.
• Nobody ever dies wishing they had worked more. Work hard, but don’t prioritize work over family, friends or even yourself.
• We have one time on this earth. Don’t wake up and realize that you are 60 years old and haven’t done the things you dreamed about.
• Appreciate the small things and to be present in the moment. It seems today like younger people are all about immediate gratification. Instead, why not appreciate every small moment?
• We don’t get to stay on this crazy/wonderful planet forever and the greatest pleasure can be found in the most mundane of activities. Instead of sending a text, pick up the phone and call someone. Call your mother, have a conversation about nothing in particular. Those are the moments to hold onto.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and decide upon the best piece of wisdom you have been given or have learned. Then consider if you are applying it fully to your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.” Wilma Rudolph.

During my personal coaching work, I am frequently asked to help clients to get better engagement levels with other people. By adopting a few healthy habits and behaviours, it is possible to develop better connection and relationships with others.

A great story about William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli illustrates how one particular approach helps to increase engagement levels. They were intense rivals who vied for the leadership of the UK’s government in the nineteenth century.

Many people believe that Gladstone, leader of the liberal party for three decades, personified the best qualities of Victorian Britain. A career public servant, he was a great orator, a master of finance and staunchly moral man. He was made prime minister four times, the only person to achieve that feat. Under his leadership, the country established a national education system, instituted parliamentary reform and saw the vote given to a greater amount of working people.

Benjamin Disraeli served twice as prime minister, had a different kind of background. In his thirties, he entered politics and built a reputation as a diplomat and social reformer. But his greatest accomplishment was masterminding the country’s purchase of shares in the Suez Canal.

Though both men accomplished much, what really separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference is best illustrated by a story told by a young woman who dined with them on consecutive evenings. When asked of her impression of them, she said, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr Gladstone, I thought that he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.”

Disraeli possessed a quality that drew people to him and made them want to follow him. He had charisma. Many people think that charisma is some form of mystical quality, which is difficult to define and to develop and is only bestowed on few people.

For me, charisma is easy to define, it’s the ability to generate enthusiasm and to attract and influence people. I believe that with genuine desire and intention it’s a quality that can be developed.

Here are my top tips if you want to develop your charisma, have better engagement levels with people and a more positive impact on others:-

• Be passionate about life. People love people that enjoy life, have positive energy and enthusiasm, celebrate success and are passionate about what they do.
• Believe in people’s potential. See the good in people, appreciate the talents and qualities of others and encourage them to express their talents, play to their strengths and be the very best they can be.
• Become a great listener. The way to really help people to feel valued and important is to make them feel heard. When you listen totally and authentically without interruption it helps to build trust. Being fully present when you are talking to people will help to increase engagement.
• Share your best qualities. You will be valued and appreciated when you share your insights, lessons, wisdom and resources freely with the intention of helping others develop and flourish. It helps people to be energised and engaged.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what one step you can take to have a more positive impact in your relationships with others.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“There is no certainty; there is only adventure.” Roberto Assagioli.

A common source of stress for many people is a fear of the unknown and facing uncertainty. Life is unpredictable and whilst we know that we can’t control every last detail of outcomes and situations, it doesn’t stop us trying and trying again to control outcomes!

It’s worth bearing in mind that there are a variety of things that are simply outside our control and it’s helpful to develop a mindset that accepts this to be the case. Some of the things that are outside our control include other people’s actions and moods, the weather, the economy, traffic etc. However there are some things that are within our control and I will cover these later.

Sometimes life deals us cards that force us to face into some fear that we may have about stepping into the unknown or outside our comfort zone.

However, in such circumstances it’s worth remembering that when we are forced to face our fears, we discover inner resources and depths that we didn’t know that we had. During this process we grow and develop.

We are creatures of habit and a fear of the unknown can prevent us from fulfilling our potential. This can mean that we stay stuck in a rut. The truth is that life is uncertain for us all and the only moment of certainty is the present moment.

Whilst people may not like their circumstances and environments and they don’t bring them happiness, they may choose to stay in them because they’re known, familiar and predictable. In part this explains why people choose to stay in jobs they detest, put up with unacceptable behaviour from others or in relationships that don’t make them happy.

It’s true that uncertainty can be uncomfortable. As humans we like to control our lives and to have a future that is stable and fairly predictable. It’s therefore understandable when we feel insecure when faced with an uncertain future.

As well as fearing uncertainty, many people waste energy and time complaining about things that they can’t control like the areas I mentioned earlier. Modern living is demanding and it’s important we spend our limited energy and time focusing on and dealing with things that we can control, whilst also being prepared at times to step outside our comfort zone.

We can learn from the world of sport and a practice that is used by sports psychologists. They help top athletes and sports people to develop their performance by encouraging them to control the controllables.

These are areas like diet, rest periods, fluid intake, exercise regime, pre-event preparation, sleep, thoughts, reaction to external events and visualisation.

To help people reduce their anxiety levels, increase focus and make best use of time I encourage the individuals and teams that I work with to focus their time and attention on things that they can control.

I suggest that any time you are feeling overwhelmed and don’t know what direction to take in life that you pause and ask yourself a simple powerful question “What can I do?”

You will always come up with an answer and it may well spark other ideas and actions. It will get you unstuck and into action (if you choose for that to be the outcome!).

A welcome bi-product of focusing on things within your control is that over time it will help you to increase the amount of influence that you have in the teams and organisations that you work with/for.

You will develop a reputation for completing your priorities with a quiet assurance. Not meddling in areas outside of your sphere of responsibility will help build people’s trust and confidence in you. It will also develop your own sense of worth and self-confidence levels. You will feel a great sense of accomplishment when you complete a goal or task.

The approach can be used in conjunction with a strategy to train the brain to free up capacity to focus on life’s blessings rather than problems. It will help you to notice abundance rather than lack and scarcity. You can also use it to choose to be positive rather than negative in your attitude.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect on what is occupying your mind and all that you have going on in life. Then consider what you need to take control of and what you need to let go of.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk