Month: July 2014 Page 1 of 2

A client who was settling into a new to a leadership position, asked me to help her develop her leadership effectiveness and influencing skills.

During one of the sessions, she said that she wanted to cultivate greater patience as she was concerned that her current approach to life was not sustainable or particularly enjoyable.

She had always been a high achiever, very focused, hardworking and determined. She achieved the objectives she set for herself or had been asked to deliver by others. However, the results she achieved came at a cost. She took too much responsibility for projects, not delegating sufficiently because she did not feel she had enough time to explain what she wanted to her staff or seek their input. This meant she did not help them develop. She conceded that she did not get the best out of other people.

She found it difficult to switch off when not at work, her sleep pattern was erratic and this combination had a negative impact on her home life and close relationships. She told me that she felt pressured, irritated and frustrated if things did not move as quickly as she would like. She had a constant feeling inside of anxiety.

She very self-critical and hard on herself, she explained she was more impatient and intolerant with herself than she was with others. She confessed that she was afraid to change and ease up as she was frightened that she would not be able to deliver the results that she had become accustomed to.

We discussed the definition of patience, which the dictionary defines as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious”.

I explained to her that it was always advisable when embarking on this kind of major behavioural change to get clear on the benefits the new approach will bring and your motivation for doing so. This tends to mean that when the going gets tough and you consider reverting back to your old habits, you can remind yourself why you seeking to change. This provides the energy and determination to persist with your new approach.

She said that the benefits for her would be that she would feel less anxious, would enjoy better relationships and engagement with others, her staff would develop, her sleep would improve and life would be generally more enjoyable. She stated that her motivation for changing was that she wanted a more sustainable approach to her work and life, less stress, which would improve her health and probably the length of her life.

The client made the necessary changes and is still generating great results. She is more relaxed, happy and enjoying her downtime from work. Her relationships have improved and she is delegating more and as a result her staff are growing and developing.

Here are some tips on developing patience, which really helped the client I have referred to and I hope they help you too.

• Clarify the differences between the things that you can control, the things you can influence and the things over which you have no control or influence. Spend the bulk of your time on the things you can control. Let go of things over which you have no control or influence. Time and energy spent there is just wasted and will lead to frustration.

• Get clarity on the big goals that you want to achieve professionally and personally. Take the time to re-evaluate your personal priorities and what is important to you. Get clear on the goals that really matter from this moment on. As you know, goals are best achieved by breaking them into small chunks.

• Introduce the word acceptance in your vocabulary. Accept people don’t always move at your pace. Accept them for what they are not how you want them to be. Accept that things don’t always go as you would like. Learn to work with how things are today right now, rather than wasting time, energy and thought wishing that things were different.

• Display prominent reminders of your new approach. Create an affirmation such as “I am in the process of developing greater patience, making the most of each day and living in the present”. Place it on your bathroom mirror, on your phone, tablet, pc or car dashboard.

• Learn to forgive yourself. Accept that you are human and occasionally will make mistakes or that things won’t work out as planned or you imagined. If you make a mistake, accept it, learn from it and move on.

This week, consider if you would like to develop greater patience and if you did, what benefits it would bring you.

Quote for the week:

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish” John Quincy Adams

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

Like many people across the world I was shocked and deeply saddened to hear about the shooting down of flight MH17.

It is a truly horrific and senseless tragedy and I have struggled to understand and comprehend how it could have happened and why. The families of the passengers aboard the flight have been in my thoughts over the past week.

It is a reminder to us all that life is fragile and none of us know what is around the corner. It is also re affirms that we must strive to not sweat the small stuff. To avoid getting anxious, frustrated or angry about things that don’t really matter in the overall scheme of things. For instance being irritated we are kept waiting, someone is late for an appointment, we miss a deadline, we encounter a traffic jam etc.

It is important that we treat every day as a gift, to learn to live and enjoy the present moment. Irrespective of what happened yesterday or may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is where we are – always!

I once saw a poster outside the British Library in London, which has stuck with me – it contained a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt and said “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift that’s why we call it the present.”

The events last week are also a reminder to us all about what truly matters in life – loved ones, family, good friendships, good health and focusing on the things we are passionate about and bring joy to us and others.

It is so vitally important that we have balance in our lives. Below I have shared a story called five balls story from the book “Suzanne’s Diary to Nicholas” by James Patterson.

Five Balls

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work – Family – Health – Friends – Spirit, and you’re keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls — family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

1. Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
2. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
3. Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
4. Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
5. Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together.
7. Don’t be afraid to encounter risks, it is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
8. Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
9. Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
10. Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
11. Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
12. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Quote for the week:

“The best gift we can have is living in the present moment and really enjoying it for what it is; and, not being in our heads and getting sidetracked” Amy Smart

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

Something that gives me great satisfaction and enjoyment in life is when I help people to find hidden strengths and talents and to use more of their potential.

I am extremely grateful that I have the opportunity to do work that I love and to support people to “be the best they can be”. It is hugely satisfying for me to observe people grow, develop and flourish.

It is quite common when I first start working with clients on a one to one basis that they are very self-critical and hard on themselves.

They talk about that they are not very good at, setbacks they have had and things that did not work out. They constantly play the comparison game – comparing their progress in life to that of others, such as old school friends, family members, colleagues, neighbors etc.

This way of being is not helped by the instant gratification society that we now live in and the pressure that people feel from the media they read and watch or the marketing messages that bombard them daily.

Some people talk about what they don’t want and do not always find it easy to articulate what they do want. Some find it challenging to clearly state or acknowledge what they have accomplished and achieved in life.

It appears to me that it’s not because people do not know deep down what they desire, sometimes they simply have not given themselves permission to get off the hamster wheel, to pause, reflect and take stock.

Some feel to do so is too self-indulgent. It can be that they have never been encouraged to “be the best they can be” or had the right support to stretch and challenge themselves.

In my experience, when clients do take the time to focus on their needs and desires they get clarity and discover hidden gifts and treasures and it is great to watch this happening and very rewarding.

Although we may share common habits, beliefs and interests with other people, we are all unique and have the ability to write our own life script. We all have the opportunity and choice to reduce pressure on ourselves when we quit the comparing our results in life to that of others and instead review our progress against the goals and standards that we set for ourselves.

I firmly believe that the right answers for our unique life experience lie within us. However, In order to find the right answers occasionally we need to give ourselves some space and ask ourselves some key questions.

A great illustration of how answers can be inside us is the story below that I came across many years ago, told by Earl Nightingale who was a great speaker and author. He was known as the “Dean of Personal Development”

Earl Nightingale talked about a farmer who lived in Africa and through a visitor became tremendously excited about looking for diamonds.

Diamonds were already discovered in abundance on the African continent and the farmer got so excited about the idea of millions of pounds worth of diamonds that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent, as the years slipped by, constantly searching for diamonds, wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and drowned.

Meanwhile, the new owner of his farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and in viewing the rock told the new owner of the farm that the funny looking rock on his mantle was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found.

The new owner of the farm said, ‘the whole farm is covered with them’ – and sure enough it was. The original farmer was literally standing on ‘Acres of Diamonds’ until he sold his farm.

According to Earl Nightingale the farm turned out to be Kimberley Diamond Mines – one of the richest mines in the world!

Earl Nightingale said that each of us is right in the middle of our own ‘Acre of Diamonds’, if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures. As the old proverb says, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

This week why not give yourself permission to pause for a few minutes, reflect and ask yourself some questions to bring you greater clarity and maybe discover some untapped potential.

Here are some suggestions:-

• What brings you the greatest happiness and satisfaction in life?
• What 5 personal accomplishments are you most proud of?
• What would you like to achieve professionally and personally in the next 12 months?
• What would you do today if you were really brave?
• What are you most grateful for in life?

Quote for the week:

“Focus on your potential instead of your limitations” Alan Loy McGinnis

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk