Month: October 2017 Page 1 of 2

When I was on holiday earlier in the year, I got a great reminder that life is full of surprises.

After a visiting a beautiful beach, which is a vast expanse of sand and framed by steep and dramatic cliffs, my wife and I visited a lovely café which has wonderful views of the coastline. You have to climb some very steep steps from the beach to get back to the path that leads to the car park and café. We have been there many times and is one of our favourite places.

After climbing the steps and pausing for a while to take in the view and catch our breath we made our way back to the car park and café. We followed and then overtook a couple who had picked up some litter and discarded fishing nets from the beach. It’s a long walk back probably close to one mile and they were a bit laden down.

When the couple reached the car park they discovered that there wasn’t a waste bin for them to dispose of the rubbish they had picked up. They went to a little gift shop that is there and the staff suggested they speak with the café owner as he had lots of industrial sized bins and they didn’t have any.

Whilst I was waiting for some food I’d ordered to arrive, I heard the man tell the café owner that he’d been told to ask for him and that he may be able to help him dispose of the rubbish. To my surprise, the normally very friendly café owner declined to help the man or let him dispose of the rubbish in his bins.

I’m not sure why he took this stance. He merely told the man that he would have to take it home with him. He was pretty unhelpful and abrupt. It may be that the café owner didn’t have room in his bins or was having a bad day. However, even if he didn’t want the rubbish in his bins, I felt he could have handled the situation more diplomatically and with a little more warmth.

To his credit, the man accepted the café owner’s attitude with good grace and although he looked shocked with the reaction he received he didn’t react with any hostility. He turned around and walked out, got in his car and left the site. I wondered if he had decided not to purchase anything from the café as a protest and therefore through his actions the café owner had lost some business.

I have to admit that it slightly changed my perception of the café and the owner. I did think that if I hadn’t already ordered lunch then I might have suggested we go elsewhere for some refreshments as a bit of a silent protest.

The incident did make me more determined to encourage people to be kind and considerate in their dealings with others. An act of kindness doesn’t have to cost anything. It can create a positive ripple by encouraging others to also be kind and generous. Unhelpful behaviour or mean spirited actions may cost someone a great deal. As the sayings go “you reap what you sow” and “what goes around comes around.”

A few things occurred to me following the incident:-

• When we seek to do good deeds in the world and the right thing we may meet with resistance and challenge but we should persevere.
• If we are knocked back and rejected it shouldn’t deter us from doing the right thing in the future.
• The café owner’s decision and choice had an impact on others who weren’t connected to the conversation. It may have cost him some business and negatively affected his reputation.
• Be careful what you say and how you say it. You never know who is listening.
• People might not remember what you say but they will always remember how you made them feel.
• It isn’t always what you say but the way that you say it. According to Albert Mehrabian tone is 38% of communication, with words just 7% with body language making up the other 55%.

This week why not take a few moments out for reflection. Consider if you have witnessed something similar to what I have described above. What lessons have situations like this taught you about how to handle people and behave?

This week’s quotation:

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Aesop.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

When I wrote a blog recently about the insights that I have gained from 16 years of coaching, my number one insight was “Good health is our real wealth.”

Aside from the insights that working with thousands of people has taught me I have a personal connection that has helped me to understand the value of good health.

My dad was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when he was just 50 and has suffered from the illness for thirty five years. Unfortunately, he has been incapacitated for a few years now. It’s been sad to witness the deterioration of a happy, healthy man.

The lesson that I have taken from this situation is that we should never take the gift of a healthy mind and body for granted. It’s also taught me to be grateful for life’s blessings, enjoy what life has to offer and to take opportunities that are presented.

It has also motivated me to follow some daily disciplines and routines that help promote and make the most of a healthy body and mind. I know that some health conditions like MS are outside our control. However, I believe that doesn’t have to prevent us from following healthy disciplines.

Research suggests that 90% of what we do each day is habit. Given this statistic it’s vital that we adopt habits that keep us healthy and enable us to be the best we can be.

It’s worth bearing in mind, if you decide to start a few new approaches and routines that it takes us 21 days to break a habit and between 25 and 28 days to establish a new one.

I have listed a suggestion of 10 healthy habits to follow to help sustain a healthy body and mind:

1. Think positively and spend a few minutes daily writing 3 things to be grateful for
2. Confront your fears and don’t be afraid of failure (or success)
3. Meditate/sit in silence for 10 minutes each day
4. Set short and long term goals
5. Be comfortable saying no when you need to
6. Drink daily recommended levels of water (2 litres)
7. Get sufficient sleep
8. Eat less sugar and have a healthy diet
9. Get outdoors and enjoy nature
10. Exercise regularly (buy a fit bit and aim to walk 10,000 steps a day)

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what healthy habits you follow or would like to start. What would be on your top 10 healthy habits list?

This week’s quotation:

“A healthy outside starts from the inside.” Robert Uric.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

The pace of the modern world and impact of technology is one of the reasons that mindfulness is growing in popularity as a way for people to develop a calmer mind.

Mindfulness is a thought process that allows us to pay attention to and see clearly what is happening in our lives. Whilst it can’t eliminate life’s pressures, it can help people deal with them in a calmer manner. It makes a positive contribution to overall well-being.

Mindfulness helps us become more aware of the present moment, understand ourselves better and enjoy the world around us more. It helps us to get better at noticing thoughts, sensations, sights, sounds and smells.

The practice may be simple, but because it is so different to how our minds normally behave, it takes practice to master it. Some people describe it as choosing and learning to control their focus of attention. Mindfulness is about being in the now, not regretting the past or worrying about the future. It allows you to pay attention to the present moment on purpose and without judgement.

Recently in the blog I talked about stress being a major cost to businesses. According to a survey by Labour Force, the British economy is losing £2.4 billion a year due to work-related stress, depression or anxiety. I also made mention of a documentary I’d seen on the topic called “The Truth about Stress.”

The programme considered various approaches as a possible intervention for people suffering from stress and mindfulness was one of them. It mentioned that it’s being used to help with exam stress in some schools. Being a teenager has always been stressful but what’s changed is the fast pace of the modern world and living life on social media.

It also talked about how much time we spend reminiscing about the past or racing forward to the future. Both of these two activities can cause stress. The programme featured an experiment which included mind wandering and mindfulness states. The mind that is constantly worrying about things is mind wandering.

Science has shown that when our minds wander, 60% of the time it’s about a worry or negative thought.

A Harvard University study by Matthew A Killingsworth and Daniel T Gilbert stated that “A human mind is a wandering mind and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost.” They discovered in their research that our minds are wandering about 46% of the time in any given activity.

The programme showed two brain scans of the same person. The first when they were in a mind wandering state and the second in a mindfulness state. In the mind wandering state we do lots of self referencing. It’s about me experiences and this constantly agitates our mind. When in a mindfulness state we are relaxed and cut out our commentary.

The difference between the two scans was stark. There was so much activity across various parts of the brain in the mind wandering scan. There was barely any in the mindfulness brain. There was less reaction in the frontal lobe of the brain.

There was a sense of openness and clarity with the mindfulness brain instead of the interrupted, agitated brain that thinks about what could be better, what people think of you and judgement.

Mindfulness allows us to silence that commentary. The mindfulness brain is quiet, taking in what it needs to take in. The mind wandering brain is noisy and thinks about me, me, me and asks “what should I do next?” and “what should I be doing now?”

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider if you need to spend more time in the now. Decide what action you can take to become more mindful.

This week’s quotation:

“A calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.” Dalai Lama.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk