Month: June 2021 Page 1 of 2

“To keep a lamp burning, we have to put oil in it.” Mother Theresa.

In a recent coaching conversation, a client mentioned that certain people in his circle are hard work. He said that they don’t add anything or enrich his life. They just seem to be high maintenance and time spent with them seems to take lots of energy.

I said to him that they sounded like drains or energy vampires rather than radiators. He said he liked that description and asked me to tell him more. I told him that it’s a theory about two types of people in life that affect your energy levels which I covered in my book Be First Class.

Drains or empire vampires are perennial moaners and negative people. You’ve probably come across these people yourself. They believe that “every silver lining has a cloud” and refer to their problems constantly. They don’t look for solutions. Often, they have much to be grateful for but don’t recognise this. They choose to think about what they lack rather than the abundance they have. When you ask them how they are, they hunch their shoulders and say something like “fair to grim.”

I refer to them as drains or energy vampires because they suck the life out of you with their negativity and stories of how unfair life is!

Conversely, radiators are positive people and they give off a positive vibe and when I’m around them I feel lighter, energised and happier. They have a “can do” attitude and are solutions orientated people. I call them radiators because they are full of warmth, radiance and brightness. They have a glow about them and make those around them feel good. They have zest, vitality and make the most of the hand that life has dealt them. When you ask them how they are, they look you in the eye; they smile and say something positive and uplifting. They have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what they have in life.

I suggested that my client undertake an exercise that I’ve recommended many people do periodically. The exercise involves taking a piece of A4 paper and drawing a line down the centre. On the left-hand side, they draw a positive sign and on the right-hand side a negative sign.

Then I suggest that they ask themselves the question, “What people/activities give me energy?” Their responses are noted under the positive side.

Then I suggest they ask, “What people/activities drain my energy?” Responses to this question are put underneath the negative sign.

Once completed, the results can be reviewed and the client can decide if they wish to make any changes to the way they spend their time and who they spend it with.

We all have limited energy and time. It’s important that we use it wisely on activities that we enjoy and on people that are deserving of our attention and help us to feel good. I have become more discerning about how I invest my energy and who I spend time with. If I’m around negative people for too long it has a real impact on my energy levels. My body starts to feel heavy; I feel tired and drained.

The opposite happens when I’m in positive environments. More frequently I’m giving negative people a wide berth and avoiding negative environments. I recommend that you do the same and invest your energy wisely in the same way that you would be careful where you invested a financial windfall!

This week, why not take a few moments out to pause and reflect on the following questions:               

• What people/activities energise you?
• What activities/people drain you?
• What changes do you need to make to how spend your time?
• What changes do you need to make to who you spend your time with?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself” – Saint Francis de Sales.

We’ve all lived through a challenging time and new reality due to the Coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic that has affected the world since the first quarter of 2020. Here in the UK last week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a 4-week delay to the lifting of remaining lockdown measures due to rising Covid case numbers. This further delay angered some people and got me thinking about patience and anxiety.

As well as the dangers to our physical health, much concern has been expressed about the effect of the crisis on people’s mental health. The current coronavirus crisis has required us all to undertake significant behavioural change.

It’s useful to think about some of the benefits of this different way of being to help us to feel motivated to sustain the changes. Adopting this approach will help us to stick with the new habits when the going gets tough. It will also provide us with the energy and determination to persist with the new approaches to life.

Many people that I’ve spoken to have told me how anxious and stressed they have felt during the crisis. The uncertainty of the situation has stirred up many unwanted and unhelpful feelings and emotions.

They have also expressed frustration at not knowing when things will get better and when they can return to some of the activities that they enjoyed previously. We are all having to get used to a new way of being and adjusting to having more time on our hands and spending more time at home.

When things don’t progress as quickly as we would like, it can lead us to have anxious feelings. This can make it difficult to switch off mentally and may cause our sleep to be erratic. This can have a knock-on effect on our mood and close relationships.

When we don’t make the progress on our goals and projects that we would like, we can become very self-critical and hard on ourselves. This is when we need to have more patience with ourselves and our situation.

Patience is defined in the dictionary as “The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.”

Here are some tips on developing patience, which I hope you will find helpful:

Focus your time on things you can control and influence

Look to spend the bulk of your time on the things you can control as this is the area where you can have the biggest impact. Spend the rest of your time and focus on the things you can influence, knowing things may not go your way. Let go of things over which you have no control or influence. Time and energy spent there is just wasted and will lead to frustration.

Get clarity on your professional and personal goals

Use any spare time to re-evaluate your personal priorities and what’s important to you. Get clear on the goals that really matter from this moment on. As you know, goals are best achieved by breaking them into small chunks. This process helps keep you motivated. Celebrate each milestone that you complete. One action every day towards a goal is 365 actions every year to move you closer to what you desire.

Develop greater acceptance of people and life in general

Acknowledge that people and events don’t always move at your pace. Accept people for what they are not how you want them to be. Recognize that things don’t always go as you would like. Learn to work with how things are today right now, rather than wasting time, energy and thought wishing that things were different.

A useful reminder for this approach is the quotation by Reinhold Niebuhr: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Learn to forgive yourself

Frequently remind yourself that you’re human and will occasionally make mistakes. Remember that things won’t always work out as you imagined or planned. If you make a mistake, accept it, learn from it and move on. Instead of beating yourself up over past mistakes, accept they helped play a part in shaping who you are today. They taught you valuable lessons and created wisdom to apply in the future. As the old saying goes “There is no point crying over spilt milk”

A final thought to conclude this week’s blog: Seek to strive for excellence rather than expecting perfection. If you constantly look for perfection, you will always be disappointed and empty handed. Having a perfectionist approach in life will place unreasonable expectations on yourself and others.

This week, take some time to reflect and consider if you need to develop greater patience in life and what benefits it would bring you if you did. What action steps will you take to achieve this?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” Eleanor Roosevelt.

On June 6, it was the 77^th anniversary of D-Day. This military operation was codenamed Operation Overlord. It was the allied invasion of France in 1944 and the greatest amphibious assault in history. It was an alliance of various countries which included Great Britain, USA, Canada and Holland.

It was the start of the mission to liberate Europe from Nazi rule. 156,000 troops were landed onto the French shore. Additionally, 7900 paratroopers were dropped behind enemy lines six hours ahead of the amphibious assault to secure the flanks of the invasion area. Sadly 10,000 allied troops lost their lives that day.

Many of the veterans from the mission are now in their 90’s. When I’ve heard their stories in the past, it has occurred to me how brave and courageous these young soldiers needed to be in order to take part in the operation. Some were as young as 16 and were literally stepping into the unknown. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to them for ensuring that we can live in a democracy and enjoy freedom including free speech.

We can learn much from the events in 1944. History can provide answers to help heal some of the division, anger and conflict that’s prevalent in today’s world. Much can be achieved when people form alliances, work together to execute a clearly defined plan and collaborate to fulfil a purpose.

D-Day required the soldiers to take a massive leap of faith. They needed to have much courage to do what they did. Courage is a human quality that always impresses and inspires me. It’s the ability to disregard fear, to be brave and act on one’s beliefs.

I love to read and hear stories about how people stood up for what they believed in despite significant opposition. This could be tales of individuals or groups who persevered when they faced adversity and accomplished something outstanding against all the odds.

We all need courage to try something new and step outside our comfort zone in order to grow and evolve. We sometimes need to be courageous to be ourselves and not follow the crowd. We also have to be brave to confront inappropriate behaviour and beliefs.

Like the D-Day soldiers, there are many stories of people standing up for what they believed in notwithstanding the opposition they faced. Some made significant personal sacrifice and displayed incredible conviction to make a stand and fight injustice. Their battles helped to create more freedom and rights for millions of people to enjoy.

Some examples include the suffragettes who were members of women’s organisations in the UK in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. They advocated the right for women to vote in public elections. There was also Rosa Parks in Alabama, USA, whose courage in the 1950s led to improved human rights for black people in America.

Sometimes we need courage to overcome a fear, try a new approach to an old challenge, learn a new skill or take up a new hobby.

Some people resist change because they are scared and can’t picture a positive outcome. They choose to stay stuck in their comfort zones even though they may not be happy with the status quo.

Over the years I’ve come across many people who have resisted taking a leap of faith despite being unhappy and unfulfilled. Some hated their jobs or were bored with their career. Some were unhappy in their relationship. Others felt that life was passing them by and were stuck in a rut.

The main reasons that people stay stuck and procrastinate tend to be because of a strong sense of responsibility to others, fear of failure and stepping into the unknown. Quite often people underestimate their capabilities. It’s quite common for people who have been in a job for a long time to think that they aren’t capable of doing something else.

As well as fear, limiting beliefs, negative thinking and past set-backs can get in our way and stop us being all that we can be.   Our brains sometimes don’t help us positively, as they are designed to keep us safe and comfortable. This can make us risk averse.

There is a famous phrase “If you leap the net will appear.” This can inspire us to take a leap of faith when we’re contemplating change. If we listen to our hearts, have done our planning and know that the change is the right course of action for us, then quite often a magic seems to happen.

It’s incredible that when we fully commit to action, believe in a positive outcome and set our mind to succeed, the world has a knack of conspiring to support us.

The right people and circumstances tend to show up at the right time to support us. You may have a dream to visit a new country, write a book, change job, start a new business, begin a new hobby or learn a new skill.

If you feel like you are stuck in a rut and want to step out of your comfort zone, start by making small changes to your daily routine. Never forget that small actions applied consistently over time lead to outstanding results.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what you would start/do if you knew that things would work out positively. What first step will you take to get things moving?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk