“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.
Over the past week I have been watching the increased tension between USA and Iran with some sadness and anxiety. It also reminded me that one of the most valuable insights I’ve received in life came from an Iranian who lives in the USA!
I gained the insight in August 2006. At that time restrictions were introduced regarding hand luggage on planes in response to concerns over potential terrorist attacks. This particularly related to Trans-Atlantic journeys.
At the time the measures were introduced, I was in California, USA at a training event. I remember feeling a little anxious about having to fly home in an atmosphere of heightened fear particularly after what had happened in America previously with the 9/11 attacks.
In order to return home, I had to catch a flight from John Wayne International airport, Orange County to Chicago and then catch a flight to London Heathrow.
I remember arriving at the departure lounge and it was absolutely packed. There were no spare seats in the lounge near my departure gate. It was a beautiful sunny day with a clear azure sky. The lounge had a fantastic view of the runway and the planes waiting on the tarmac at the various departure gates. I perched on a ledge and phoned home to speak to my wife.
After I’d finished my conversation, a man beckoned for me to sit next to him on a seat that had become vacant. After a brief hello, we didn’t exchange any further words. We both read our respective books. I had to drink a one litre bottle of water as I learned that I wouldn’t be allowed to take liquids onto the flight because of the enhanced security measures.
When It got close to the time to boarding the flight, I realised because of all the water I had consumed I would need to have a comfort break! A long walk ensued to find some facilities. When I returned passengers were boarding my plane and there were just a few people in front of me left to board.
Once on the plane I was astonished to find that I was sitting next to the man who had beckoned for me to sit next to him earlier! I wondered what the chances of that happening were. We were in a row of three seats and the seat on my right side was empty for the duration of the four and half hour flight.
The gentleman was in his late fifties. He looked tired and his face was weathered. It appeared that he had been through a stressful period. During the flight he started a conversation by offering me a sandwich which I declined. He told me that he had been to a gynaecology conference as he was a Consultant Gynaecologist.
He said that he had moved to the USA from Iran 20 years previously. It had been difficult for him to be accepted by some people because of his nationality and he’d had a particularly difficult time since the 9/11 attacks. He was concerned that the current hysteria over plane safety would make it challenging for him again.
During the flight he told me that his life was very busy. He had been through a divorce and was no longer married. He said that a very good friend of his who suffered from Multiple Sclerosis had died recently and was only in his fifties.
I connected with what he was telling me as my dad was diagnosed with this awful debilitating disease when he was just 52 and has deteriorated over the past 36years.
I asked him what the challenges he has experienced (particularly after his friend’s recent death) had taught him.
His reply was simple but very powerful. His response was:
“Every day is a gift. Make the most of every day, don’t look back in anger and have no regrets. Be kind when you can be.”
It was a very special conversation. Time seemed to stand still and my fear about the flight dissipated as I was so engaged in what we were talking about. It’s amazing how things and people show up when you need them to. It was the right conversation, at the right moment.
The gentleman’s wisdom taught me so much and has stuck with me and helped shape my philosophy in life. Despite the hostility he had experienced because of where he was born he was still able to be kind and show compassion and empathy towards others. That really impressed me about him.
I had very little time when we arrived in Chicago to catch my connecting flight and wasn’t sure of the layout of the airport. I also had some gifts that I’d bought in the airport. Under the special measures I wasn’t supposed to take these onto the connecting flight.
He walked his talk regarding kindness. Knowing that I had limited time and also had the problem with the gifts, he walked me to the gate for international departures. He spoke to the check in staff. He persuaded them to make arrangements for me to take the gifts onto the flight!
The attendant asked for my passport, I said thank you to the gentleman. Once the check in lady had taken my boarding card, I turned around to say goodbye to the gentleman. However, he had disappeared. He had dashed off to catch his own connecting flight and I couldn’t see him anywhere.
He was a stranger who I’ve not spoken to since and probably never will. He showed great kindness and helped me when I needed it.
This chance encounter taught me so much and I’ve never forgotten the wisdom that I gained from the conversation and his kind actions.
This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what insights and lessons you have learned from challenges in your life. What wisdom would you pass on to someone if they asked you what tough times have taught you?
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