Month: July 2022 Page 1 of 2

 “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” William Arthur Ward.

It’s easy to get so busy and juggle so many things that we can take life for granted. We can get up in the morning and not fully appreciate the gift of a new day or the availability of water, food and shelter.

Temperatures hit a record 40 degrees centigrade in the UK last week and I was very grateful as the temperature soared that water was readily available to me along with a fan to keep me cool. The availability of shelter and shade was also very welcome. It was a personal reminder of the value and importance of basic essentials (particularly water) to our well-being. It’s so easy to take these essentials for granted.

I once saw a film called “A street cat named Bob” which is based on the international best-selling book by the same name. It’s a true feel-good story of how James Bowen, who was homeless, busking and a recovering drug addict, had his life transformed when he met a stray ginger cat.

The film was a great reminder of the adversity that some people face in their life and the big challenges they have to overcome. It got me thinking about how awful it must be for people to have to live and sleep outside in all-weather with limited food and water and little or no money. I thought about the film last week, when I drove past a homeless man who was laying under a tree to get some shade in the intense heat.

We may not always value that we have a roof over our head, electricity to illuminate and power our home and water to cool us down, to make a hot drink or to wash. I could go on but the point is we can get so used to our daily routine and all that is available to us that we can very easily take it all for granted.

It’s easy for us to fall into the trap of focusing on what we lack and dwell on our weaknesses, mistakes and setbacks. This negative spiral can have a detrimental effect on our energy and motivation levels. We can engage in the pointless task of comparing our life to others. This is never a very smart move as we might compare our weaknesses to someone else’s strengths!

When we take the time to be more consciously grateful, life takes on a new perspective. We look at things more positively and appreciate all that we have. This includes the special people in our life and the opportunities available to us. We feel blessed for our natural gifts and talents. This has a positive effect on our mood, energy and happiness levels. As a result, we tend to attract new opportunities and possibilities.

When we’re more deliberate about practising gratitude and acknowledging all that there is to be grateful for in life, it equips us to deal with the challenges and hassles that we inevitably face sometimes.

Robert A. Emmons & Michael McCullough are two of the leading scholars on the topic of gratitude and they have researched and written about its power to boost happiness. In one of their studies, they carried out research with 3 experimental groups over a 10-week period. They found that the people who were in the gratitude condition felt fully 25% happier. They were more optimistic about the future and they felt better about their lives. They even did almost 1.5 hours more exercise a week than those in the hassles or events condition.

Martin Seligman is a leading expert on positive psychology and a very successful author. He has looked extensively at the effect and benefits of practising gratitude in his work. He has found that writing down what we are grateful for has the ability to shape our mood positively in lasting ways.

A practice that I have found helpful is to take the time daily to write down in a notebook at least 3 things from the day that I can be grateful for.

You may like to devise a list of 50 things for which you are grateful and add to it over the coming month. You can refer to it to boost your mood and energy levels when things don’t go as planned or if you’re facing an obstacle. This will help lift your mood and spirits and put things into balance and perspective.

Alternatively, you might like to establish a gratitude jar that you can maintain daily over the coming year. This allows you to acknowledge positive events and experiences when they happen. The way to do this is to make a note of such events on pieces of paper which you place in the jar. You can note down nice experiences, acts of kindness, positive feedback, receipt of income, unexpected windfalls, gifts and great customer service etc.

This week why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what you can be grateful for in life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou.

There seems to be so much division, conflict and negativity in the world at the moment. We have the war in Ukraine, the cost-of-living crisis, the continued prevalence of Covid and political upheaval and uncertainty here in the UK. It appears to me that the world could do with a little more kindness. Perhaps we can all learn from the Dalai Lama who, when asked about his philosophy to life said “Be kind.”

Given the above, on a recent holiday to Cornwall I was pleased to hear about the kindness of people who rallied to help a lady who had suffered significant personal misfortune. The lady in question who worked as a school teaching assistant lived in Cornwall. The local radio station reported that her house had suffered significant fire damage when her tumble dryer caught fire.

The house was unhabitable because amongst other issues all the electrical wiring needed replacing and many personal effects had been destroyed. Unfortunately, the lady didn’t have house insurance because she had been forced to cancel the policy a few weeks ago because she was short of money due to the cost-of-living crisis. Understandably when she was interviewed, she was very upset and worried about the future.

What happened next was very heart warming and reminded me that many people in this world are decent and inherently kind. The lady was flooded with offers to help. A lady who runs a cleaning company phoned to say that her company would clean the house from top to bottom and rid it of smoke damage for free. Additionally, there were many other offers of help including an electrician offering to rewire the house for free, a kitchen installer promised to install a new kitchen without charge and the lady was also offered free accommodation.

In a world where we are fed so many negative and gloomy stories by the media, it was so nice to hear how people responded to a fellow human being’s mis-fortune. The kindness and generosity of people was quite touching.

Research suggests that there are many benefits to us being kind. It makes us healthier, happier and can improve our results. It gives us a greater sense of wellbeing, makes us more emotionally resilient and reduces our stress levels.

People have many different motivations for performing acts of kindness. These can range from the desire to give something back, to helping themselves to feel more purposeful. It can be as simple as wanting to feel good.

A piece of research from British Columbia University suggested that people who were given $50 to spend, got more pleasure from spending it on others than spending it on themselves.

Acts of kindness can take many forms and range from planned activity such as volunteering our time to a worthy cause to more spontaneous acts. It doesn’t have to involve money. There are many simple ways we can all perform small acts of kindness every day.

For example, we can give a compliment, smile at a stranger, perform some chores for an elderly person, visit someone who lives alone, buy a cup of coffee for a homeless person or donate unwanted items to charity.

We could make a loved one a cup of tea or coffee and do the same for a colleague who is under pressure. We can let someone go in front of us in a queue, give an unexpected gift or some form of recognition or appreciation.

We can be there for someone who is going through a challenging time and actively listen to what they are saying without judgement. This simple act of caring can help someone feel valued and better.

Each act of kindness may seem tiny but it actually brings about change and shifts the way we see ourselves and others. This in turn changes the way that others see us. Kind actions affect people’s lives in a positive way. They may inspire and encourage others to perform some kind acts too.

Kindness can also have the effect of helping us to feel more grateful for what we have in life and optimistic about the future.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what you can do personally to bring a little more kindness to your part of the world.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better.” Solange Knowles.

Modern life is busy and has many demands. We live in an information rich, time poor world. As a result, it’s very easy for people to take too much on, spread them themselves too thin and put other people’s needs before their own.

Over the years, I have seen numerous examples of talented people juggling many different priorities whilst seeking to sustain high levels of performance and lead balanced and happy lives.

A common issue that affects many people I coach is that they put the needs of others before their own. I therefore spend some of the coaching time discussing the importance of self-care to help my clients to avoid burn out.

Lots of clients seek my help to address feelings of overwhelm, to get clarity on their key priorities and develop strategies to put their needs first more often. This also helps them to sustain great results and lead a balanced life.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of putting other people’s needs before our own. Many of us were brought up to be of service to others. As a result, focusing on our needs can feel selfish and self-indulgent.

A desire to please people can also mean that we prioritise other people’s demands and needs before our own. Therefore, it can lead to feelings of guilt when we put ourselves first. Many people also admit to feeling weak if they show some vulnerability and admit that they need some help.

I often suggest to people that we can all learn about the importance of self-care from the Mother Theresa quote “If you want to keep a lamp burning you have to keep putting oil in it.”

Self-care is not a fluffy; it’s about taking responsibility for our physical, psychological, emotional and social needs.

When I discuss the importance of self-care with clients, I refer to the metaphor that I learned from boarding a plane. Have you noticed that when they make the safety announcement the crew always give a specific instruction?

The plane’s crew tell you that in the event of an emergency (when the oxygen mask appears) to apply your mask first. They say that you must do this before you attempt to help others with their mask. The reason for this is that if you don’t have oxygen/energy you won’t be in a position to help others!

It’s imperative, if we wish to avoid burn out and keep delivering first class results that we balance the amount that we care for others with our own needs. Being well rested and looking after our health means that we will have the requisite energy to help those around us. Sometimes we simply have to put ourselves first so that we can be the best we can be and have the energy to help others.

The phrase self-care has gained in popularity over recent years and reminds us of the importance of taking care of our needs, so we can be the best version of ourselves. It prompts us to take care of our:

• Physical needs (getting enough sleep, right diet, regular exercise etc.)
• Emotional needs (asking for help when needed)
• Mental needs (stimulating job, interests, personal development etc.)
• Spiritual needs (time for prayer, meditation etc.).

If you’re regularly tired because you have irregular sleep patterns, skip meals or fail to get exercise, then start making self-care a priority. In order to maintain good health, it’s vital that you put some time aside and adopt some habits to take care of yourself.

Having good self-care also helps us to maintain good health and this should be a good incentive to look after ourselves. Good health is the real wealth in life!

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider if you need to take any action to put your needs first more often. Also think about what personal steps you need to take to create more energy and balance in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk