“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson.

I was astonished when I first discovered some research that suggested that the average person talks to him/herself about 60,000 times a day. Furthermore, it’s said that most of this self-talk is negative.

That’s an awful lot of chatter that goes on sub consciously. Apparently, this kind of internal chatter is connected to lots of self-judgement and criticism.

Examples may include:

I’m too old to learn something new.

I shouldn’t have made that comment.

I’m sure he/she doesn’t like me.

I’m not equipped to jog every day.

I will never lose weight.

I don’t like the way my hair looks.

I’m useless with computers.

I can’t do this task etc.

It’s important that we pay more attention to our inner chatter. What we say to ourselves is just as important as what we say to others. Our self-talk has a major influence and drives our behaviour. Therefore, if we tell ourselves that we can’t do something or that we’re unable to master a new skill, our behaviour will reflect this fact and belief.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and shapes the results that we experience.

Imagine you are given a task to sell 60 units of something in a week.  If you tell yourself from the outset that you can’t do it, you will spend time and energy behaving in a way that proves this thought and belief to be correct.  As human beings we like to be proved right, even if our belief is misguided. If you expect failure, you will get a 100% success rate.

If on the other hand, you believe and confidently expect to sell 60 units in a week you’re more likely to achieve the result you expect. Your self-talk will be positive, encouraging and affirming.  This will lead your behaviour to be more energised, positive and optimistic. As a result, you’re more likely to achieve the results that you expect and desire.

The self-talk occurs through the conscious area of our mind and it becomes instructions to our sub-conscious mind, whose duty is to carry out the orders given to it by the conscious part of our brain.

I was given the following metaphor to help me understand how the two minds work and the relationship between them:-

Imagine that a navy ship is crossing the Atlantic Ocean. The captain of the ship is located on the bridge on the upper deck and gives orders to the crew who are located in the lower deck, below the water line and are unable to see where the ship is going.

In this example, the captain is the conscious mind and the crew the sub-conscious mind. When the captain provides an order about the direction the ship should travel in and the speed, the crew carry out the orders.  They don’t have a clue if the ship will avoid colliding with another vessel, run aground or safely reach its destination. It’s not their role to determine. Their role is just to carry out the instructions without questioning them or passing judgement. Given this metaphor, if we want to make an improvement in any part of our life, it’s essential that we ensure our self-talk is positive.

Negative thoughts and self- talk have a physical impact on our body.  They make us feel heavy, weighed down and can deplete our energy. Negative self-talk can make us feel frightened, anxious, cause us to break out into a sweat or become tongue tied.

If we talked to ourselves in a more encouraging way, what would this do to our physical well-being and results?

Here are some tips on using more positive language:

  • Replace the word “can’t” with “can” i.e. “I can do this.”
  • Substitute the word “never” with “sometimes.” “I never get these sums right” could be softened by saying “I sometimes get these sums right.”
  • “Should” is a negative word used in self-judgment – when you find yourself saying “I should” to yourself, change it to the word “could.” “I should be good at golf,” can be changed to “I could be good at golf.” The latter has a more encouraging feel to it.
  • Eradicate the word “try” from your vocabulary. You will either do something or not do it.  You don’t try and do it.  For instance, do you try and move a chair or do you just move it, or not bother?

This week, why not pause for a few moments and consider how encouraging your self-talk is. Do you need to change any of your inner dialogue?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk