Modern life is busy and demanding without us making it more complex and harder than it needs to be. Talking to a client recently, I gained a good example of how we can create more challenge and difficulty when pursuing a goal.

My client was telling me how he had completed a goal that he’d set some months previously. It was a fantastic achievement and a real breakthrough in his life. As the client was talking to me I was struck by how level he was and didn’t appear to be at all excited and proud.

I asked him how excited and proud he felt. He told me that he found it very hard to be proud as he had been brought up to be very humble and modest. He’d been encouraged from an early age to adopt the belief that nothing comes easily in life. It had been drummed into him that if you want something worthwhile you had to work very hard and apply lots of effort in the pursuit of goals.

The goal that my client pursued connected with his natural skills and desires. As he had connected with his passion everything flowed naturally, he enjoyed the process and found it to be relatively easy. Given the way he was conditioned to think at any early age, he felt that this particular goal had come a little too easily. As his brain was telling him that he hadn’t really had to apply himself, he didn’t feel particularly worthy of praise or able to feel proud.

He told me that over the years he had invested more energy and time in completing tasks and goals than he probably needed to. This combined with a need for perfection rather than excellence made life harder than it really needed to be. It meant that he refused to accept a standard that fell short of perfection.

I shared a story I heard many years ago about Persian rug makers. Apparently, in many handmade Persian rugs and carpets you will discover a deliberate mistake. The rug makers put a flaw in the rugs because as followers of Islam they believe only Allah makes things perfectly and therefore to weave a perfect rug or carpet would be an offence to Allah. The original deliberate mistake is usually made in the execution of the pattern of the rug.

If we constantly strive for perfection, we will always be empty handed and have a feeling of lack. It’s better to aim for excellence rather than perfection as this is achievable and takes a lot of pressure off ourselves. It also saves a lot of time, energy and reduces stress levels.

It’s important when we work towards goals and targets that we enjoy the journey rather than just focusing on the outcome and destination. The joy can be in creating and going through the process. We can miss out on those feelings of joy, pride and accomplishment if we are too hard on ourselves. It’s worth remembering that “we do best what we enjoy and feel passionate about.”

In order to help my client to internalise the significant goals he had accomplished in his life, we agreed that he would create a list of his top 10 achievements in life, which he had to read daily and really embrace for a month. To reduce his feelings of stress and pressure he said he would strive for excellence rather than perfection. He also focused on ensuring that there was balance between head and heart when he set goals as he felt he had been “too in his head” previously.

This week, why not take a few moments to reflect and consider what steps you can take to make your life easier and to stop trying too hard. What new habits can you develop to help life flow more naturally?

This week’s quotation:

“Faith makes all things possible… love makes all things easy.” Dwight Moody.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk