“Keep every promise you make and only make promises you can keep.”  – Anthony Hitt.

Do you enjoy eating chocolate? I do, however, I gave up eating chocolate during the forty days of lent which finished last Thursday. This means that I will really look forward to eating some Easter eggs and will really appreciate the taste of the chocolate!

Abstaining from chocolate has taken willpower, self-discipline and commitment. However, no matter how difficult it is, when I make a commitment to do something, I like to fulfil it.

I’ve always been good at keeping my agreements with others. However, I really developed the habit of keeping agreements with myself after I attended an excellent personal development programme in the USA in 2006.

At the start of the 5 day long programme we had to commit to some ground rules and agreements. In excess of 300 participants were at the event and the discussion and negotiation lasted over an hour.

As I hadn’t attended the programme before I wasn’t anticipating this section or how long it would take. I couldn’t quite grasp the significance and relevance but I did get clarity and I understood the value of the session by the end of the week.

There were 15 ground rules which covered things like not sitting next to the same person for more than one session, not talking to your neighbour whilst people were presenting on stage, being on time for sessions, ensuring you sat in a different seat after a break and not drinking any alcohol during the week.

Anybody who felt they couldn’t agree to any of the rules had to stand up and discuss it with the facilitator. Once the ground rules negotiation had concluded, we all had to sign a pledge in our workbook confirming we would adhere to them.

As the week progressed, it was easy to see the various commitments being broken by many of the attendees. On the third day of the training anyone who had broken one of the rules had to stand up. This amounted to about 80% of the audience. The session provided some fascinating insights into habits and behaviours and how they influence our results in life.

The group had to explore learnings from the experience. Some of the insights were:-

  • How casually we can give our word and then break it.
  • Many of the participants knew they were going to break the agreements but agreed to them to avoid the discomfort of questioning rules.
  • Some people opted to keep their objections to the rules to themselves and just do their own thing because they didn’t have the courage to say they disagreed with them.
  • Many delegates didn’t want to be the centre of attention in front of so many people so stayed silent. Others wanted to avoid confrontation.
  • Some participants really wanted to do the training but without adhering to the ground rules. They had no intention to follow through on their commitments and played lip service to them. They conceded this was a habit of theirs.
  • There were some people who rebelled because that was how they reacted to rules and being told what to do!

When we break our commitments it has a negative impact on our psychology and how we feel about ourselves.

It adversely affects our self-esteem and sense of worth. When we don’t keep our agreements with others e.g. family, friends, colleagues or customers we lose respect, credibility and trust.

Every agreement we make is ultimately with ourselves, as even if it’s with someone else, our brain registers it as a commitment. When we don’t follow through, we begin to distrust ourselves. It weakens our sense of integrity and undermines our faith in ourselves to produce results.

When you have the realization about the importance of your integrity and self-esteem, you will stop making agreements to just get people off your back. You will cease the habit of undermining your self-esteem for a bit of temporary approval and people pleasing.

Sometimes despite our best intentions we can’t keep our commitments. Unforeseen events such as accidents, illness etc. happen and make it impossible to fulfil a commitment. In such circumstances, notify the other person as soon as possible and renegotiate the agreement. This demonstrates respect for others and their time.

A few tips on making and keeping agreements:

  • Only make commitments that you intend to keep.
  • Learn to say no more often to avoid doing things you don’t really want to do.
  • Make fewer commitments to avoid over committing your time and to reduce stress levels
  • Get into the habit once you make a commitment of doing whatever it takes to meet it.
  • Before giving a commitment pause and confirm with yourself that it’s something you can fulfil and want to do

This week why not take some time to reflect and consider how satisfied you are about keeping agreements with yourself and others. Are there any changes that you need to make?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk ;