“Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius.

Sometimes the biggest limitations we have in life are the ones that we place on ourselves and have in our mind.

I’ve discovered from coaching thousands of people over the past 17 years that the most common and largest limitation that prevents people fulfilling their potential is fear.

This is often referred to as: False Expectations Appearing Real.

When you focus more attention and time on your fears they can become your reality. We create what we think about and what we focus on grows.

It’s interesting that we give so much power to our fears, as research suggests that we are born with just two fears. These are the fear of falling down and the fear of noise. Every other fear that we have is a learned behaviour.

We all pick up fear in a variety of ways throughout our lives and replay fearful stories over and over like mind movies. Every fear based thought that we hold is a choice. We choose to believe in the fear reported by the media, a fear expressed by others or created in our mind. We absorb fears from all our environments.

Some of the most common fears that clients mention in their coaching sessions are:-

  • Fear of change – which keeps people stuck
  • Fear of the unknown – which stops people stepping out of their comfort zone
  • Fear of rejection – which stops people asking for what they want
  • Fear of criticism – which prevents people attempting a new approach or starting something new

A 1984 New York Times study on social anxiety asked people what they most feared. The top two fears on the list were walking into a room full of strangers and speaking in public. This probably explains why many people dread making a speech or giving a presentation. Interestingly people worried more about meeting strangers or public speaking than they did about dying. Death was third on the list.

In order to reap rewards in life and to fulfil our potential we have to take risks. Sometimes when we are contemplating change it can bring up deep rooted fears. The reason for this is that as we get older we may have experienced pain, disappointment, heartbreak or failure.

We are all born with unlimited potential but on occasions we simply get in our own way and make life more difficult than it needs to be. This aligns with this week’s quotation by Confucius.

To help us to experience and achieve all that is possible in life it’s vital we adopt a positive mindset to overcome our fears and obstacles. We can remind ourselves of our capabilities and previous achievements to help conquer our fears. Also any challenging situations that we’ve conquered in the past provide us with valuable insights and lessons and can give us the confidence to take action.

It’s also important that we let go of the past so that we don’t allow it to define our future. It’s also good to remember that yesterday ended last night!

These words by Nelson Mandela may help you if fear is stopping you from taking action and being the best you can be.

He said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

When Nelson Mandela became South African President in 1994 he used the following quotation by Marianne Williamson from her book Return to Love.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Hopefully this quotation will help you if you feel fearful in the future and serve as a reminder of the enormous potential that lies within you. It might be that it encourages you to conquer the fear and not let it win.

This week, why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider what you would do if you were fearless and knew things would work out.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk