The main lessons that I learned from my dad

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus.

In last week’s blog I talked about good health being the real wealth in life. I mentioned my dad’s 36-year battle with Multiple Sclerosis and that he was seriously ill. Sadly, he died shortly after I had written that blog.

As you can imagine, the past week hasn’t been easy. Inevitably, I’ve reflected on my dad’s life and my relationship with him and thought about the time and experiences we shared together. My reflections have helped me to get clarity on the main lessons that I learned from my dad.

So, this week, I would like to share my insights and share the wisdom he gave me. My thoughts and reflections are set out below:

• We come into the world with nothing and we go out with nothing.

Whilst he taught me to value and respect money, he encouraged me not to get too hung up on material wealth and possessions. His children knew that money had to be earned and that it didn’t grow on trees! We also knew we weren’t part of the Rockefeller family! However, he felt that quality of experiences, friendships, family and connection with others were far more important than wealth. Dad went into hospital wearing just his bed clothes and wasn’t able to take any of his material possessions or wealth with him. He didn’t have anything with him when he died.

• Be yourself, be your own man.

My dad liked me to express myself and therefore whilst he set boundaries, he didn’t dish out lots of orders about how to do things. However, he did give me one piece of really powerful and valuable advice. This was to not be too influenced by other people to be something that you’re not. He said that it was important to be yourself, to be authentic and not just follow the crowd. He also encouraged me to be discerning with the company that I kept and always look to do the right thing.

• If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

My dad worked as a local government officer before his retirement 25 years ago. However, he served an apprenticeship as a carpenter and was self-employed for many years, doing all the woodwork and putting roofs on new build houses. He was a perfectionist and his carpenter’s eye soon spotted if something wasn’t built straight or if a picture or shelves weren’t level! He felt that if your heart wasn’t in something than you should stop doing it or not even start it. He felt people should do what they were passionate about.

• Be grateful for all you have in life.

Given the progressive nature of his illness it would have been easy for dad to bemoan his lot. However, he felt it important to be grateful for what he had in life, rather than unhappy with what he lacked. He felt life was a blessing and a gift and that he should make the most of what he’d got. He was married to my mum for 65 years. He believed in being kind, cheerful and pleasant to people. His glass was half full. However, if people tried to take advantage of his good nature, he was more than capable of standing up for himself. He was no pushover and people knew if he wasn’t impressed with their behaviour.

• Don’t complain.

It was clear that my dad suffered during his long battle with MS. However, he never complained once although he must have been sad that his illness had robbed him of many things and experiences in his later life. For many years, he told nobody outside close family that he had MS as he didn’t want people to feel sorry for him or treat him differently. It was only when he started to lose mobility and latterly rely more on my mum and carers that he opened up about his condition. Despite his suffering, there were still no complaints and he conducted himself with courage and dignity throughout his illness.

Finally, my dad had high standards of personal appearance. He liked to look smart and loved good clothes, clean shoes, tidy hair and a clean-shaven look. He always liked his hair to be combed even towards the end of his life. He felt you could tell a lot about someone by how they looked and how clean their shoes were! One of the first things he looked at when he met someone was whether they had clean, shiny shoes!

He also felt first impressions were extremely important and always said: “You only get one chance to make a good first impression.”

Obviously, I’m sad that he has died. However, I am grateful that I got to say goodbye to him when many people don’t get that opportunity with their loved ones particularly this year with the COVID-19 restrictions. I’m also content that his suffering is over and that he’s now at peace.

RIP dad, thank you for the wisdom x

This week, why not take a few minutes to reflect and consider what your parents have taught you.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk