Month: April 2018

Be-First-Class-Weekly-Blog

Are you focused on your most important priorities?

“The quality, not the longevity, of one’s life is what is important.” – Martin Luther King.

Modern life is busy and life can pass by in a flash. It’s very easy for us to fall into the trap of getting so busy with work and feeling overwhelmed with all we have to do that we don’t have enough time for the things that we really enjoy and matter to us

In pursuit of our goals and also meeting other people’s demands and needs, we may not focus enough on what we value and is truly important to us. In doing so, we could place insufficient emphasis on meeting our own needs and desires.

The modern world is demanding and seems to have speeded up. It is changing at a faster rate than any other time in history due largely to the development of technology. We have access to more information, sources of entertainment and potential distractions than any other generation. We live in an information rich and time poor world.

To take control of our time and world and not get caught up in other people’s chaos and drama requires us to establish firm boundaries.

We need to develop great self-discipline and healthy habits in order to respect and focus sufficiently on our needs and most important priorities.

In the busyness of life, it can be easy to overlook those people closest to us and to fail to truly appreciate what other people do for us, the support they provide and how they enrich our lives.

A great metaphor with a powerful message about time management and priorities is rocks, pebbles and sand which I have included below.

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When class began, he wordlessly picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles, poured them into the jar and lightly shook it. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things; your family, your partner, your health, your children. It’s anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important. Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the rubbish. In your own life, be sure to take care of the rocks first, the things that really matter. Remember, the rest is only pebbles and sand.”

But then, the professor proceeded to pour in a bottle of red wine. Of course the wine filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. He then proceeded to conclude the story by saying “no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a fine wine!”

This week why not take a few moments out to reflect and consider if there is any action you need to take to make more time for the “rocks” in your life. Are there changes you need to make to your daily schedule or habits?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

Be-First-Class-Weekly-Blog

The importance of keeping agreements

“Keep every promise you make and only make promises you can keep.”  – Anthony Hitt.

Do you enjoy eating chocolate? I do, however, I gave up eating chocolate during the forty days of lent which finished last Thursday. This means that I will really look forward to eating some Easter eggs and will really appreciate the taste of the chocolate!

Abstaining from chocolate has taken willpower, self-discipline and commitment. However, no matter how difficult it is, when I make a commitment to do something, I like to fulfil it.

I’ve always been good at keeping my agreements with others. However, I really developed the habit of keeping agreements with myself after I attended an excellent personal development programme in the USA in 2006.

At the start of the 5 day long programme we had to commit to some ground rules and agreements. In excess of 300 participants were at the event and the discussion and negotiation lasted over an hour.

As I hadn’t attended the programme before I wasn’t anticipating this section or how long it would take. I couldn’t quite grasp the significance and relevance but I did get clarity and I understood the value of the session by the end of the week.

There were 15 ground rules which covered things like not sitting next to the same person for more than one session, not talking to your neighbour whilst people were presenting on stage, being on time for sessions, ensuring you sat in a different seat after a break and not drinking any alcohol during the week.

Anybody who felt they couldn’t agree to any of the rules had to stand up and discuss it with the facilitator. Once the ground rules negotiation had concluded, we all had to sign a pledge in our workbook confirming we would adhere to them.

As the week progressed, it was easy to see the various commitments being broken by many of the attendees. On the third day of the training anyone who had broken one of the rules had to stand up. This amounted to about 80% of the audience. The session provided some fascinating insights into habits and behaviours and how they influence our results in life.

The group had to explore learnings from the experience. Some of the insights were:-

  • How casually we can give our word and then break it.
  • Many of the participants knew they were going to break the agreements but agreed to them to avoid the discomfort of questioning rules.
  • Some people opted to keep their objections to the rules to themselves and just do their own thing because they didn’t have the courage to say they disagreed with them.
  • Many delegates didn’t want to be the centre of attention in front of so many people so stayed silent. Others wanted to avoid confrontation.
  • Some participants really wanted to do the training but without adhering to the ground rules. They had no intention to follow through on their commitments and played lip service to them. They conceded this was a habit of theirs.
  • There were some people who rebelled because that was how they reacted to rules and being told what to do!

When we break our commitments it has a negative impact on our psychology and how we feel about ourselves.

It adversely affects our self-esteem and sense of worth. When we don’t keep our agreements with others e.g. family, friends, colleagues or customers we lose respect, credibility and trust.

Every agreement we make is ultimately with ourselves, as even if it’s with someone else, our brain registers it as a commitment. When we don’t follow through, we begin to distrust ourselves. It weakens our sense of integrity and undermines our faith in ourselves to produce results.

When you have the realization about the importance of your integrity and self-esteem, you will stop making agreements to just get people off your back. You will cease the habit of undermining your self-esteem for a bit of temporary approval and people pleasing.

Sometimes despite our best intentions we can’t keep our commitments. Unforeseen events such as accidents, illness etc. happen and make it impossible to fulfil a commitment. In such circumstances, notify the other person as soon as possible and renegotiate the agreement. This demonstrates respect for others and their time.

A few tips on making and keeping agreements:

  • Only make commitments that you intend to keep.
  • Learn to say no more often to avoid doing things you don’t really want to do.
  • Make fewer commitments to avoid over committing your time and to reduce stress levels
  • Get into the habit once you make a commitment of doing whatever it takes to meet it.
  • Before giving a commitment pause and confirm with yourself that it’s something you can fulfil and want to do

This week why not take some time to reflect and consider how satisfied you are about keeping agreements with yourself and others. Are there any changes that you need to make?

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk ;

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