“Begin challenging your assumptions. Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Alan Alda.

Over the past few months, I have been watching some of the proceedings from the Post Office Horizon IT Inquiry.

This is an independent public statutory inquiry established to investigate the implementation and failings of the Horizon IT system at the Post Office. This system, developed and maintained by Fujitsu, caused thousands of innocent sub-postmasters to be pursued for shortfalls in their accounts. The inquiry aims to gather a clear account of these issues and assess whether lessons have been learned.

From the proceedings that I’ve watched, it appears to me that assumptions were made and some key questions about the reliability of the IT system weren’t asked. This meant that the faults weren’t discovered sooner which would have avoided people being prosecuted for false accounting and theft. As a result, people were wrongly convicted, some were made bankrupt and served prison sentences.

When I did my professional coach training in 2001, asking effective questions was described as a key coaching and life skill. It enables you to get clarity and helps clear communication. It helps you to avoid making assumptions. As the old phrase says: “To assume is to make an ass of you and me!”

When we don’t have a full understanding of a situation, we can fill in the gaps by making up a story in our minds. This helps us to make sense of people and situations. However, this approach is fraught with danger as we can form false opinions.

Asking effective questions helps to get to the core of issues and build our understanding of circumstances. Posing questions from a position of natural curiosity with a genuine intent to understand enables us to develop a greater empathy for people. It helps to strengthen and deepen relationships.

When we ask questions, we may uncover answers that we weren’t expecting, don’t agree with or don’t want to hear! They may reveal opinions and views that are different to our own. In this case, it’s worth reminding ourselves that life is all about opinions and that what’s right for one person is not right for others.

Having different perspectives and viewpoints is good in reaching better and more balanced solutions.  I believe that diversity of views and ideas is something to be encouraged.

We’re all human, none of us are perfect or right one hundred per cent of the time. However, I’m sure you’ve met or know people who (in their world) are always right and argue that the colour black is in fact white!

If you come across people like that in the future and feel yourself getting irritated and frustrated by their attitude remind yourself of the following story. Hopefully it will help you to smile and reduce your stress levels.

I believe the story is a good reminder to guard against making assumptions and to ask questions to get clarity and to the heart of issues. It’s called ‘The Cookie Thief’ written by Valerie Cox.

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night. With several long hours before her flight, she bought a book and a bag of cookies. She then found a place where she could sit and do her reading.

She was engrossed in her book but noticed that the man beside her was grabbing some cookies ‘from the bag between them’. She tried to ignore the situation because she wanted to avoid making a scene.

The situation continued for some time. As she read and munched her cookies, the man was continuing to eat the cookies, too.  She also continued to ignore him but she told herself, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

Then, finally, there was only one cookie left. The man took the last cookie and broke it in half. With a smile on his face, he offered her half and ate the other. She took the other half and thought, “This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude. He didn’t even show any gratitude.”

Right there and then, she wanted to say something but her flight was called. She gathered all her belongings and headed for the gate, refusing to look back at the “cookie thief.” She boarded the plane and continued reading her book. In the middle of the flight, she reached into her back pack and gasped with surprise…She found her bag of cookies inside it.

“If mine are here,” she said, “then the cookies we were eating were his and he tried to share them with me.” It was too late to apologise. She realised that she was the rude one and the thief!

This week, why not pause for a few minutes to reflect. Consider if there is a situation in your life where you are making assumptions and need to ask some questions to gain some clarity and develop your understanding.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk