“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Epictetus.

I write this week’s blog with a heavy heart, as I prepare for my mum’s funeral on Wednesday. Sadly, my mum died suddenly and unexpectedly last month just 353 days after my dad passed away. My mum’s funeral is actually on the same date as my dad’s was last year. This is actually rather fitting as they had been married for 65 years.

When we laid my dad to rest, I never envisaged that we would be doing the same thing for my mum just a year later. It has highlighted to me that life is fragile and that it can change in a second. It has reinforced my view that we aren’t really in control of life, however much we like to think we are. It has demonstrated that it’s important to make the most of each day and to tell the ones close to you that you love and appreciate them often.

So, this week, I would like to share my insights and share the wisdom that my mum gave me. My thoughts and reflections are set out below:

We come into the world with nothing and we go out with nothing.

Whilst she taught me to value and respect money, she encouraged me not to get too hung up on material wealth and possessions. Her children knew that money had to be earned and that it didn’t grow on trees! We also knew we weren’t part of the Rockefeller family! However, she felt that quality of experiences, friendships, family and connection with others were far more important than wealth. At times like this we’re reminded “That there are no pockets in a shroud.”

Be grateful for life’s gifts and make the most of them

Mum instilled in me the need to be grateful for what I had in life and to make the most of what I had been given. She always wanted me to grow, develop and fulfil my potential. She taught me to be modest and grounded and to remember that there was always someone worse off than me (if ever I was feeling sorry for myself).

She was kind, generous and believed in showing compassion towards others. She got more pleasure from giving than receiving. As a result, I saw first-hand the value of her attitude to life and the benefits (sometimes hidden) that it provides to you. Whilst believing it was important to be humble, she felt there was nothing wrong with ambition. She felt that you didn’t have to settle for the status quo and that it was ok to be different. Mum had a very independent spirit which I admired.

Have high personal standards and focus on quality.

My mum had high personal appearance standards and believed that “You only get one chance to make a good first impression.” Her appearance was always neat and tidy and many people have commented since her passing on how smart she always looked and on the lovely clothes that she wore. Mum (at 87) was still wearing her favourite Chanel perfume in the last days of her life.

Mum was very houseproud and her bungalow was always spick and span. Mum felt that less was more sometimes. It was her view that it was better to have a few quality things than lots of cheap, mediocre items. She thought these lasted longer and were a better option in the long run, as didn’t they need replacing as often as cheaper versions.

Trust your intuition.

Mum was very wise and had great instincts. She was born in the birth sign of Libra and like the Libran scales was very balanced in her approach to life and interactions with people. She was a big believer that there were two sides to every story and that no one was right all the time. She believed that it was important to respect other people’s opinions and to not bear grudges, to forgive and forget and talk disagreements through.

Mum was a great listener and taught me that you learn more from listening than talking! Listening to your instincts and having the confidence to trust your intuition was something she demonstrated. I learned much from her example.

Everything happens for a reason.

This was one of my mum’s favourite sayings. It was good to be reminded of this when things happened that didn’t seem to make any sense. It showed me that I needed to search for the meaning of things that happened. It taught me that there was a purpose to life’s events and that the meaning would often be discovered at some stage. It was a case of being patient and waiting for the meaning to be revealed. Linked to this mum was a big believer in fate and would quite often say: “If it’s meant to be it will be.”

Obviously, I’m sad that my mum has died. However, I am grateful that she got to die in the comfort of her own home and not in hospital or a care home. Also, that she wasn’t alone in her final moments. Mum hadn’t been feeling too well earlier in the day, so her neighbour had popped in to see her a few minutes before she passed. It’s a source of comfort to me that mum didn’t suffer for too long. I am also very appreciative that she had a sharp mind right to the end of her life.

RIP mum, thank you for the unconditional love and care you gave me throughout your life x

This week, why not take a few minutes to reflect and consider what your parents have taught you.

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