A few weeks ago I really enjoyed watching a great film called Marvellous, a true story of a life lived to the full, a man once labelled with ‘learning difficulties’ whose life defies limitations. I thoroughly recommend watching the film if you get the opportunity.

The film tells the beautiful, funny, true story of Neil Baldwin, who has been a circus clown; a lay preacher; kit man at Stoke City (Lou Macari has often described him as his best-ever signing). He is on first name terms with leading sportsmen and senior clergy. He was awarded an Honorary Degree by Keele University for the contributions he has made to campus life there across the last 50 years.

There were many simple pieces of wisdom throughout the programme which we can all learn from.

For instance, someone asked Neil how he stayed so positive. He said that he always wanted to be happy, so he decided to be! He said that if bad things happen, he just thought about the good things. He remarked that none of us are getting any younger but that’s life and we have to make the most of it.

In one scene he is talking to his friend about how he watched the annual university boat race on the Thames from the umpire’s boat each year. His friend asked him how he wangled that. Neil said “I asked.” The friend said “you can’t do that by asking.” Neil paused and simply said “I can.”

This scene got me thinking about what stops us all asking for help or for what we want.

I wondered what we miss out on when we don’t ask. I have found that people do not ask for help or what they want because they do not want to impose on people, look foolish, stupid, needy or weak. Another major reason is that they afraid of being rejected and hearing the word no.

Many years ago, I participated in a training event attended by several hundred people. As part of the workshop we all had to talk to fellow participants about something we were really passionate about and seek their help.

We also had to listen to other’s stories and consider their requests for help. We had to talk to as many people as possible in a designated time frame.

One of the rules of the exercise was that we had to say no to nine people and were only allowed to say yes to the tenth person we spoke to. It did not matter how persuasive or moving the story was or how passionate the person was, we could only say yes on one out of ten occasions.

It was a really interesting exercise, you learned that the more you ask, the more likely you are to get a yes. It helped you to get used to handling rejection.

Additionally, you realised that just because you did not get a yes immediately it was not because your story was not compelling or people did not believe in it, it was just not the right time and they were not in a position to help at that moment. If you approached them at a later time they may be able to help and say yes.

One of the big realisations for me was the good feeling that I had when I was able to say yes and help people. I am sure I am not alone in feeling good when I am able to help others.

Here are a few tips in asking for what you want:

• If you don’t ask the answer is already no! The more you ask the more likely you are to get a yes

• Be clear and specific about what it is that you want or need help with

• If you get a no, don’t take it personally. It is not rejection; it is just that your request did not resonate with the person at that time

• Be confident in the way that you ask for help. Talk from the heart and with passion but guard against being too pushy and making people feel uncomfortable. Observe and respond to the person’s body language.

• When you get a “no” tell yourself that you are one step closer to getting a yes

• Follow up. When you ask for help and get a yes. Say thank you and keep the person informed on how things are going.

This week, why not pause and consider what you need to ask for.

This week’s quotation:

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it” Maya Angelour

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk