“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”
– Alan Alda.

Last week, I had a reminder to deal in facts not assumptions. It related to a blood test that I had. There is a history of diabetes in the family and my doctor likes me to have an annual test to ensure that I am clear from the condition.

I hadn’t heard the results of the test, so I phoned my doctors surgery and spoke to the receptionist. She said I had borderline low glucose levels (a symptom of diabetes) and the doctor would like my blood to be retested. I didn’t question this and assumed what she was saying was accurate. I made an appointment for a blood test the next day.

Over the next 24 hours I created many stories in my mind about having diabetes and became a little anxious. My wife reminded me that I always dealt in ‘facts’ and to await the results of the re-test before I imagined all sorts of things (how wise those words proved to be!).

When I arrived at the surgery the nurse asked me why I was there. She checked my original test results and said “I don’t understand why you are here. Your results were perfect and all clear”. The doctor had reviewed the results and stated that no further action was required.

It appears that the receptionist had given me the wrong results and I hadn’t questioned it. I just assumed that they wouldn’t get that sort of thing wrong. Anyway, I am grateful that all is ok and I was able to forgive the mistake.

The whole episode was a valuable lesson to not worry too much about stuff until you know the full facts and to question things rather than assume. Clear communication and getting clarity is always better than making assumptions. As the old phrase says “to assume is to make an ass of you and me!”

When we don’t have a full understanding of a situation we can fill in the gaps by making up a story in our minds. This helps us to make sense of people and situations. However, this approach is fraught with danger as we can form false opinions.

Instead of making assumptions, an alternative strategy may be to get better at asking questions to bring increased clarity.

Asking effective questions helps to build our understanding of situations and get to the core of issues. Posing questions from a position of natural curiosity with a genuine intent to understand enables us to develop a greater empathy for people. It helps to strengthen and deepen relationships. It can save energy as we don’t have to use our brains to create stories.

When we ask questions we may uncover opinions and views that are different to our own. Having alternative perspectives and viewpoints is good in reaching better and more balanced solutions. I believe that diversity of views and ideas is something to be encouraged. Time spent having a greater tolerance of people who have different opinions to our own helps build our capacity to influence.

Hopefully the following story will make you smile and remind you about the dangers of making assumptions about people and situations.

The Cookie Thief by Valerie Cox.

A woman was waiting at an airport one night. With several long hours before her flight, she bought a book and a bag of cookies. She then found a place where she could sit and do her reading.

She was engrossed in her book but noticed that the man beside her was grabbing some cookies “from the bag between.” She tried to ignore the situation because she wanted to avoid making a scene.

The situation continued for some time. As she read and munched her cookies, the man was continuing to eat the cookies, too. She also continued to ignore him but she told herself, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

Then, finally, there was only one cookie left. The man took the last cookie and broke it in half. With a smile on his face, he offered her half and ate the other. She took the other half and thought, “This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude. He didn’t even show any gratitude.”

Right there and then, she wanted to say something but her flight was called. She gathered all her belongings and headed for the gate, refusing to look back at the “cookie thief.” She boarded the plane and continued reading her book.   In the middle of the flight, she reached into her back pack and “gasped with surprise.” She found her bag of cookies inside it.

“If mine are here,” she said, “then the cookies we were eating were his and he tried to share them with me.”

It was too late to apologise. She realised that she was the rude one and the thief.

Why not pause for a few moments this week and consider if there is a situation where you are making an assumption and need to ask questions to get some clarity and develop your understanding.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk