We are in an election campaign here in the UK and I’ve watched some of the debates and the political leaders being interviewed. I’ve been shocked at the number of times that I’ve seen interviewers ask questions and then constantly interrupt and not listen to the person they are quizzing. When this has happened the interviewer has looked rude and unprofessional and it has taken the spotlight off the politicians.

One of the most powerful and important lessons, I learnt early in my career concerned listening and how it can improve your influencing skills. When I finished full time education, the company I joined included me on their management development programme. As part of the programme it was suggested that we read a book by Dale Carnegie called “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It was the first personal development book that I read.

The powerful lesson and key message I took from the book was that an easy way to be a good conversationalist was to be a great listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. In following this approach you help people to feel heard, valued and special. Over the years since I first read the book I’ve have found that listening more has great benefits and that listening is the best form of influence.

Dale Carnegie’s book quotes a journalist called Isaac F Marcosson, who interviewed hundreds of celebrities. It was his view that many people fail to make a favourable impression and diminish their influence because they don’t listen attentively. He said “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next they don’t keep their ears open. Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.”

How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1953 and I wonder if the increased number of gadgets at our disposal has further reduced our ability and capacity to listen attentively. Many people these days seem to want to talk more than they listen. As the famous quote by Zeno of Citium says “We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”

We live in an information rich and time poor world and this environment can lead to people feeling overwhelmed and having to multi-task. It can also impact on people’s ability to listen effectively. Being a good listener is a great way to stand out in today’s busy world. It’s as important in our personal lives as in the world of business.

Having great listening skills doesn’t come easily given the number of distractions that fill the modern world. It requires us to calm our busy minds and have a genuine desire to want to listen to others.

We have so much outside noise to filter that it’s a real challenge to listen to other people. It necessitates us to make a commitment to limit the number of distractions. This may involve turning off televisions, phones, pc’s/tablets and managing potential interruptions. Following these disciplines clearly shows that you care and value the person you’re listening to. It also demonstrates that you have good social skills. Being a good listener takes time, practice and commitment.

When listening to another person you need to give them your full attention and ensure that “you are in the room” rather than having your mind focused on something other than what they are discussing.

Although, it sounds obvious, it’s imperative that you stay quiet when the other person is talking as talking over them or interrupting can suggest a lack of respect. Creating an environment with some pauses and brief periods of silence puts people at ease and gives them a chance to reflect and think.

Another way to demonstrate that you’re listening effectively is through your body language and eye contact. Relaxed and open posture shows people that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. Good eye contact is essential to show that you’re actively engaged in the conversation and paying attention. Nothing shows people more that you’re not really interested by breaking eye contact, looking over their shoulder and fixing your gaze elsewhere whilst they are in full flow.

Good listening also requires that you approach conversations with an open mind and intent to really engage with what the speaker is saying. A good listener has natural empathy with a genuine and authentic desire to understand what the other person is communicating.

During the course of this week, why not pause for a few moments and consider what one step you can take to develop your ability to listen.

This week’s quotation:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk