Be First Class

 “With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The increased cost of living in recent years and military conflicts in various parts of the world has made life a bit uncertain and anxious for many people.

When feeling anxious, it’s important not to think too far in the future or dwell on the past. I have a coin in my study which has served as a reminder for many years about the importance of being in the moment. It says “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why they call it the present.”

We can learn so much from this simple statement. Over the years I’ve noticed that very few people take the time to just be and fully engage with the present moment.

So many people live their life walking backwards into the future. They frequently look at the rear-view mirror and replay memories and images of the past. When they aren’t engaged in this habit, they turn their attention to the future and start imagining how life could be. Very little time is spent appreciating the gift of the present moment.

Sometimes it’s good to calm your mind, detach from the past, stop yourself predicting the future and fully appreciate the present moment.

When we engage in the switching between the past and the future, it can act as a distraction and affect our concentration levels. Frequent interruptions, over committing our time, e mail and social media notifications can all impact our ability to concentrate. They all make it challenging for us to have a sharp focus and can mean that we aren’t fully present with the task or person right in front of us.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of replaying situations from the past. We can all wish things had worked out differently or that we had spoken up when we had concerns about something. All too easily, we can criticise ourselves for mistakes we’ve made and feel anxious about disappointments and setbacks. All these things make it difficult to be present and in the moment.

The harsh reality is that things are as they are and can’t be changed. It’s not possible to rewrite history. We can learn to draw the lessons from our experiences and resolve to do things differently in the future. Having done this, we can then choose to let situations go mentally.

In the event you catch yourself over thinking and seeking to predict the future, wondering what may happen, you can decide to bring your thoughts back to the present moment. You can clear and calm your mind. You can do this by focusing on your breathing by taking a deep breath in and counting to seven, then exhaling to the count of seven. Repeating this process three times can help calm your mind and return to what’s in front of you. This will enable you to get into the now.

When we engage more fully with the present moment, we increase productivity and complete tasks more easily. We listen more effectively and as a result have a better connection and relationships with others. As a result, people’s trust and belief in us grows.

Quietening your mind will help you to feel more centred, relaxed and have a greater sense of assurance. This will enable your mind to be clearer, give you more clarity and increase your focus. When we’re in this state, life appears smoother, easy and effortless. The outcome of this is that things seem to flow more naturally.

The more time we spend in our heads can lead us to feel anxious and less satisfied with life. By reducing the noise and activity in our head and focusing on the now, we can feel happier and in control.

Making the decision to be present more often takes practice as we have years of programming and conditioning to overcome. It requires a change of habits and is best achieved by small consistent actions. You can start your new approach with activities that you do and love such as running, walking, gardening, swimming, cycling etc.

You can also choose to adopt a more mindful approach to one of your regular routines such as washing up, housework, gardening, eating etc. Essentially what we do when we adopt this approach is to bring more focus to the present moment and quieten our mind. This enables us to detach from the constant planning and review process.

This week, why not take some time out to reflect and think about what actions you need to take to become more focused and engaged with the present moment more often. Consider if there’s anything you need to let go of or any daily habits that you need to change to help you to achieve this.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“When you take care of yourself, you’re a better person for others. When you feel good about yourself, you treat others better.” Solange Knowles.

On a recent flight to Majorca, I was reminded of a metaphor that I learned when I first went on a plane. Have you noticed that when they make the safety announcement the crew always give a specific instruction?

The plane’s crew tell you that in the event of an emergency (when the oxygen mask appears) to apply your mask first. They say that you must do this before you attempt to help others with their mask. The reason for this is that if you don’t have oxygen/energy you won’t be in a position to help others!

It’s imperative, to avoid burn out that we balance the amount of time that we care for others with the time we allocate to meet our own needs. Being well rested and looking after our health means that we will have the requisite energy to help those around us and keep delivering first class results. Sometimes we simply have to put ourselves first so that we can be the best we can be and have the energy to help others.

However, many of us were brought up to believe that focusing on our needs was somehow selfish. A desire to please people can also mean that we prioritise other people’s demands and needs before our own. Therefore, it can lead to feelings of guilt when we put ourselves first. Many people also confess to feeling weak if they show some vulnerability and admit that they need some help.

I tell people that we can all learn about the importance of self-care from the Mother Theresa quote: “If you want to keep a lamp burning you have to keep putting oil in it.” Self-care is not a fluffy concept; it’s about taking responsibility for our physical, psychological, emotional and social needs.

If you’re regularly tired because you have irregular sleep patterns, skip meals or fail to get enough exercise, then start making self-care a priority. Many people prioritise others needs in front of their own, as they feel it self-indulgent to put themself first.

In order to maintain good health, it’s vital that you put some time aside and adopt some habits to take care of yourself. 

The phrase self-care has gained in popularity over recent years and reminds us of the importance of taking care of our needs, so we can be the best we can be. It prompts us to take care of our physical needs (getting enough sleep, right diet, regular exercise etc.); emotional needs (asking for help when needed); mental needs (stimulating job, interests, personal development etc.); spiritual needs (time for prayer, meditation etc.).

Having good self-care also helps us to maintain good health and this should be a good incentive to look after ourselves. In life having good health is the real wealth.

Here are a few self-care tips: –

• Keep hydrated. Drink plenty of water – the recommended daily intake is 1.5-2 litres a day.
• Good regular sleep. Aim for good quality sleep of 8 hours a night.
• Strengthen boundaries. Decide what your limits are, communicate these to others. Get clarity on what you will and won’t tolerate. Get comfortable saying no to demands on your time.
• Eat 5 pieces of fruit or vegetables every day.
• It is recommended that you undertake 30 minutes of physical exercise every day. This doesn’t have to be a visit to a gym, walking is good for you.
• Put some time aside to watch some funny movies or comedy shows and have a good laugh. Humour helps you feel good, more relaxed and energised.
• Avoid negative people and environments that drag you down. Ensure that you spend time with people who radiate energy and help you increase your energy levels and not deplete them!
• Give up being a people pleaser. Be kind to yourself and ensure that your self-talk is encouraging and positive.
• Unplug from technology on at least one day a week. Give your brain a rest and be in the moment.

 
This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect and consider if you need to take any action to put your needs first more often. Also think about what personal steps you need to take to create more energy and balance in your life.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk

“Begin challenging your assumptions. Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Alan Alda.

When I did my professional coach training in 2001, asking effective questions was described as a key coaching and life skill. It was explained to us that this core skill would help us to get clarity and enable clear communication. It was pointed out that it would help us to avoid making assumptions. As the old phrase says “to assume is to make an ass of you and me!”

Therefore, I found it amusing this past week, when my wife assumed that I had taken care of a domestic task. I hadn’t because I assumed that she was completing it! It just goes to show that even experienced coaches need to be reminded of core coaching skills from time to time!

When we don’t have a full understanding of a situation, we can fill in the gaps by making up a story in our minds. This helps us to make sense of people and situations. However, this approach is fraught with danger as we can form false opinions.

Asking effective questions helps to get to the core of issues and build our understanding of circumstances. Posing questions from a position of natural curiosity with a genuine intent to understand enables us to develop a greater empathy for people. It helps to strengthen and deepen relationships.

When we ask questions, we may uncover answers that we weren’t expecting, don’t agree with or don’t want to hear! They may reveal opinions and views that are different to our own. In this case, it’s worth reminding ourselves that life is all about opinions and that what’s right for one person is not right for others. Having different perspectives and viewpoints is good in reaching better and more balanced solutions.  I believe that diversity of views and ideas is something to be encouraged.

We’re all human, none of us are perfect (as proven by the above example) or right one hundred per cent of the time. However, I’m sure you’ve met or know people who (in their world) are always right and argue that the colour black is in fact white!

If you come across people like that in the future and feel yourself getting irritated and frustrated by their attitude remind yourself of the following story. Hopefully it will help you to smile and reduce your stress levels.

I believe the story is a good reminder to guard against making assumptions and to ask questions to get clarity and to the heart of issues. It’s called The Cookie Thief written by Valerie Cox.

The Cookie Thief                                          

A woman was waiting at an airport one night.  With several long hours before her flight, she bought a book and a bag of cookies.  She then found a place where she could sit and do her reading.

She was engrossed in her book but noticed that the man beside her was grabbing some cookies ‘from the bag between.’  She tried to ignore the situation because she wanted to avoid making a scene.

The situation continued for some time.  As she read and munched her cookies, the man was continuing to eat the cookies, too.  She also continued to ignore him but she told herself, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

Then, finally, there was only one cookie left.  The man took the last cookie and broke it in half.  With a smile on his face, he offered her half and ate the other.  She took the other half and thought, “This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude.  He didn’t even show any gratitude.”

Right there and then, she wanted to say something but her flight was called.  She gathered all her belongings and headed for the gate, refusing to look back at the ‘cookie thief.’  She boarded the plane and continued reading her book.   In the middle of the flight, she reached into her back pack and ‘gasped with surprise.’  She found her bag of cookies inside it.

“If mine are here,” she said, “then the cookies we were eating were his and he tried to share them with me.”  It was too late to apologise.  She realised that she was the rude one and the thief!

This week, why not pause for a few minutes to reflect. Consider if there is a situation in your life where you are making assumptions and need to ask some questions to gain some clarity and develop your understanding.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk