“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey.

Last week was September 11 and marked the 24th anniversary of the awful 9/11 attacks on the United States. The day had added meaning for myself, as at 2pm on that day in 2001 (9am New York time), I facilitated my first coaching assignment with a client!

Since that first formal coaching session, a great source of enjoyment for me has been to help people to find hidden strengths and talents. I have found it fulfilling to see clients discover and use more of their potential.  I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to do work that I love and to support people to “be the best they can be.” It has always been hugely satisfying for me to observe people grow, develop and flourish.

When people start a personal coaching programme, it’s quite common for them to be quite self-critical and hard on themselves. Many of them talk about what they aren’t very good at and setbacks and disappointments they’ve experienced. Some play the comparison game, comparing their progress and results in life to others, such as old school friends, family members, colleagues, neighbours etc.

This way of being isn’t helped by the instant gratification society that we now live in. Lots of people feel a pressure to perform and compete influenced by the media they read and watch or the marketing messages they are bombarded with on a daily basis.

Some clients talk about what they don’t want and sometimes are unable to articulate what they do want. Some find it challenging to state or acknowledge what they have accomplished and achieved in life.

Deep down people know what they desire but haven’t always given themselves permission to pause, reflect, take stock and unearth the right answers for them. It’s not unusual for me to discover that some clients have been conditioned to believe that to do this would be too self-indulgent.

Some people have never been encouraged to “be the best they can be” or had access to the right support to stretch and challenge themselves. Over the years I’ve found that when clients do take the time to focus on their needs and desires, they find the process hugely rewarding. They get significant clarity and discover hidden gifts and treasures.

Although we may share some habits, beliefs and interests with other people, we’re all unique and have the choice and chance to write our own life scripts. We all have the opportunity to reduce pressure on ourselves when we quit comparing our results in life to that of others.

Instead, we can choose to review our progress against the goals and standards that we set for ourselves. I firmly believe that the right answers for our unique life experience rest inside all of us. However, to discover the right answers, occasionally we need to create some space to reflect and answer some key questions.

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, as we learn more from listening than we do talking! A key skill of a coach is to actively listen. This is something I have honed and developed over the past 24 years. When I do this, I create a safe space for people to talk, without fear of judgement. This helps people to feel heard, respected and understood and this helps to develop trust.

This week, why not pause for a few moments to reflect. Consider if there are some situations or relationships where you need to talk less and listen more.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk