A client who was settling into a new to a leadership position, asked me to help her develop her leadership effectiveness and influencing skills.

During one of the sessions, she said that she wanted to cultivate greater patience as she was concerned that her current approach to life was not sustainable or particularly enjoyable.

She had always been a high achiever, very focused, hardworking and determined. She achieved the objectives she set for herself or had been asked to deliver by others. However, the results she achieved came at a cost. She took too much responsibility for projects, not delegating sufficiently because she did not feel she had enough time to explain what she wanted to her staff or seek their input. This meant she did not help them develop. She conceded that she did not get the best out of other people.

She found it difficult to switch off when not at work, her sleep pattern was erratic and this combination had a negative impact on her home life and close relationships. She told me that she felt pressured, irritated and frustrated if things did not move as quickly as she would like. She had a constant feeling inside of anxiety.

She very self-critical and hard on herself, she explained she was more impatient and intolerant with herself than she was with others. She confessed that she was afraid to change and ease up as she was frightened that she would not be able to deliver the results that she had become accustomed to.

We discussed the definition of patience, which the dictionary defines as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious”.

I explained to her that it was always advisable when embarking on this kind of major behavioural change to get clear on the benefits the new approach will bring and your motivation for doing so. This tends to mean that when the going gets tough and you consider reverting back to your old habits, you can remind yourself why you seeking to change. This provides the energy and determination to persist with your new approach.

She said that the benefits for her would be that she would feel less anxious, would enjoy better relationships and engagement with others, her staff would develop, her sleep would improve and life would be generally more enjoyable. She stated that her motivation for changing was that she wanted a more sustainable approach to her work and life, less stress, which would improve her health and probably the length of her life.

The client made the necessary changes and is still generating great results. She is more relaxed, happy and enjoying her downtime from work. Her relationships have improved and she is delegating more and as a result her staff are growing and developing.

Here are some tips on developing patience, which really helped the client I have referred to and I hope they help you too.

  • Clarify the differences between the things that you can control, the things you can influence and the things over which you have no control or influence. Spend the bulk of your time on the things you can control. Let go of things over which you have no control or influence. Time and energy spent there is just wasted and will lead to frustration.
  • Get clarity on the big goals that you want to achieve professionally and personally. Take the time to re-evaluate your personal priorities and what is important to you. Get clear on the goals that really matter from this moment on. As you know, goals are best achieved by breaking them into small chunks.
  • Introduce the word acceptance in your vocabulary. Accept people don’t always move at your pace. Accept them for what they are not how you want them to be. Accept that things don’t always go as you would like. Learn to work with how things are today right now, rather than wasting time, energy and thought wishing that things were different.
  • Display prominent reminders of your new approach. Create an affirmation such as “I am in the process of developing greater patience, making the most of each day and living in the present”. Place it on your bathroom mirror, on your phone, tablet, pc or car dashboard.
  • Learn to forgive yourself. Accept that you are human and occasionally will make mistakes or that things won’t work out as planned or you imagined. If you make a mistake, accept it, learn from it and move on.

This week, consider if you would like to develop greater patience and if you did, what benefits it would bring you.

Quote for the week:

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish” John Quincy Adams

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk