When coaching a client a few months ago we talked about when he gets really busy, stressed and feels under pressure with an increasing workload, he becomes very single minded and inflexible in his approach to pursuing some goals and sticks rigidly to his ideas and plans.

We discussed the impact of this approach on him and his relationships with others. The client shared that it can lead to him losing perspective, can make his vision very tunneled and in doing so, on occasions he stopped listening to the valuable input and ideas of others. He said that he can become quite defensive, which had an impact on his relationships with others as they tended to distance themselves from him and kept their heads down.

He said that he found it extremely challenging to show his vulnerability and admit that he may have made a mistake and traced this back to his upbringing. He told me that he sometimes gets so caught up in a goal that he becomes unwilling to let go of it even when he knows deep down that the existing plans won’t work as well as they could and was not willing to try a new approach.

He conceded that it came down to a need to be seen to be right. He said that he wanted to change this particular pattern of behaviour as he felt that it no longer served him and actually made him feel quite unhappy. He wanted have a better connection with others and sought my help to make some changes.

I shared the following story to demonstrate what can happen when we are too rigid in our thinking and how having a willingness to change direction can be beneficial. In my experience, the people with the most flexible approach to goals, relationships and life in general, tend to be happier and enjoy a greater connection with others. The story meant that he had a metaphor to refer to and remind him when he felt that he was slipping back into his old way of being.

On a dark and foggy night in the midst of a stormy sea, the captain of a ship spotted what seemed to be the light from another ship in the distance.

He quickly went to his station and flashed a message across the water, “Change your course twenty degrees north.” No sooner had he done this than a reply flashed back, “Change your course twenty degrees south.” The captain became angry and flashed back, “I am captain and a commander in the naval forces, and I say change your course twenty degrees north.”

The responding message was signalled back, “I am a seaman first class with no commander, and I say change your course twenty degrees south.” This infuriated the captain who now signalled, “I am a battleship, and I say change your course twenty degrees north.” There was a brief pause as the angry captain awaited the reply. Finally, the response came, “I say change your course twenty degrees south, I am a lighthouse!”

I am pleased to report that the client has made changes and is enjoying his new way of being and is getting positive results from the new habits that he has adopted. He feels happier, is more relaxed and his relationships with others have improved and are more productive and harmonious.

This week have a think about if you need to change your plans and approach to a particular goal or project that you are pursuing. What would be the benefit of doing so and what motivates you to make a change?

You may like to seek the views and input of others and think about in terms of:

  • What’s working?
  • What not quite working yet?
  • What needs to change?

Quote for the week – “Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” George Bernard Shaw.

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk