Last week, I facilitated a training workshop on Influencing skills for a customer which I really enjoyed.

It reminded me of one of the most powerful and important lessons that I learnt early in my career about how to improve your influencing skills.

When I finished full time education, I joined a bank and become part of their management development programme. As part of the programme it was suggested that we read a book by Dale Carnegie called “How to win friends and influence people.” It was the first personal development book that I read.

One of the key messages that I took from the book was an easy way to be a good conversationalist was to be a great listener and encourage others to talk about them. In doing so, you help people to feel heard, valued and special.

The book quotes a journalist called Isaac F Marcosson, who interviewed hundreds of celebrities. It was his view that many people fail to make a favourable impression and diminish their influence because they don’t listen attentively.

He said “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next they do not keep their ears open. Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.”

This book was first published in 1953 and I wonder if the increased use of technology and all the many distractions that it brings has reduced our ability and capacity to listen attentively?

Being a good listener is a good way to stand out in today’s busy world and increases your influence. I am sure that you will agree that listening is just as, if not more important in one’s home life as in the world of business.

Here are some tips to develop your listening skills, which I hope that you find helpful:-

  • “Be in the room”. Give the other person your full attention
  • Stay quiet when the other person is talking – you can’t listen and talk!
  • Avoid interrupting as it can suggest a lack of respect
  • Listen more than you talk. Remember we have 2 ears and one mouth
  • Show you are interested and listening through your body language and eye contact
  • Switch off your mobile phone more frequently so as not to be disturbed or distracted by notifications and/or calls
  • Remember the power of pausing. It provides the person you are talking to some space to think and reflect. It maybe that they will fill the gap and carry on talking

What one thing could you do to develop your ability to listen? What benefits will it bring you to do so?

Quotes for the week:

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”  Zeno of Citium, (A Greek Philosopher)

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  Leo Buscaglia

To arrange a free no obligation consultation, please contact Stephen Pauley via the contact form or by e mail: Stephen@befirstclass.co.uk